totally

iNTERNET
"u n yr pc, 2 is to 1" she's amused by dat joke.
being a person who uses the computer all day long, it is probably a good thing that i like it. but i might haf taken it to the next level. i think i would die wifout it. amazing isn't it..

vOODOO
i specially hate it when men commercialized somethin dats powerfully sacred, somethin dats mystically evil in wrong hands. wateva 1 can get in the market now mainly are fakes but wat if 1 managed to possess an authentic voodoo doll, wateva happens next is unthinkable.

gUILT
sometimes, when i'm having a good week, it feels weird to feel good...
it feels weird to be happy abt my life, and life in general. i'm so used to the sadness and depression because i've been in it so long that when a little smile is shown, its much too hard for me to bear. freakie..

sQUARE1
im so lost yesterday aft dat shockin news. i mean, well i was xpectin everythin to be good n ok aft tons of treatment. i wasn't prepared for wateva i heard. im not the optimistic type but for once, i firmly believed she's gonna be alright. coz she's the strongest woman i've ever known..
now, im back to whr i was. this is depressin.

aHERO
he who puts on his bravest smile and said to me.. "im ok, dun worry abt me." we both noe the road ahead in days to come is gonna be seriously tough, unpredictable hellish and even scary. yet, he din allow it to take him down. frm dat moment i knew, he's a warrior, a true warrior.

是否遗忘

这个空间已经开了一年了。 这一年真的发生了很多事。不管是好的，坏的，都让我怀念。
回望过去这一年记录的一切一切，回忆犹如潮水涌来，逝去的种种在脑海里一一浮现。
深深感受到桃花依旧，人面全非。。

不该做的，做错的，执著过的，太多了。该做的，做对的，最终放弃的，太难了。最起码我曾努力过，希望心中能了无遗憾。 希望。。

虽然记忆令人悲哀，无论现在我们每一个人所面对的怎么不一样，无论前方是风平浪静还是波涛汹涌，我还是想在这里感谢所有关心过我的人。愿我们都能真的幸福真的快乐。

driftin in peace

i gotten to noe myself better recently. i realised i haf tis terrible habbit on an eternal quest to wan to understand everythin. understand y tis is wrong y dat is so sala.. i wanted everythin to make sense.. esp towards those i cared for. i wanna make everythin rite for every1.. sadly, wif dat pursuance, i came to understood the meanin of ignorance is, actualli bliss.. yet, i couldn't stop. my ego doesn't allow me to be consumed by fires of defeat.

i discover 1 truth at least. when somethin is terribly wrong, there will oways be a reason to it. n the reason is oways hidden deep. i knew if i had to noe wats the reason, i will hafta go search for the ans. by doin dat, probably i hafta digg here n thr, path thru the shadows, even at the expenses of pissin every1 else includin myself to eventualli see dat truth, dat more horrible and painful truth den any1 could haf imagine. qns is.. worthy ma? i duno..

maybe its me. i dun belong to whr i tot i was. simplified, i dun return counterfieted smiles. i can't and i wun live wif dat. i chose not to shut my lids pretendin to be blind so everythin else bloom in plain fluke. so back to my qns earlier, worthy ma? yes if i can at least save my soul.

oh when oh when will you open yr eyes and see wat i saw?
so funny how torturously sad wateva may be, eventualli will be..

快乐变了形

生日第二天就让我领悟到一个真理。。
天下真的没有无不散之筵席。

感觉对着他们，渐渐的，我已丧失想要解释和盘算如何被了解的能力。
或许当你真的累了，有些人，有些事，会因为你的疲惫而变得不再重要。

够了，这次真的够了。。

29

whr r u among the 16 smses?

my birthday is a

perfect occasion
to find myself
wild eyed open

in the dirt..

Eschatology

END of the WORLD!? FINAL Judgment?! The APOCALYPSE??



we've heard the predictions prophesyin the end times. we've heard jokes, myths, even warnins from diff races n religions abt how we will all end n how everythin will become nuthin n we mus face the judgment day unless u believe in a certain faith..

yet, as we pass those pple n sayins by, i can't help but notice that we in fact, r still here! lolx.. wat the heck is happenin n why so many still believes in doomsday predictions? y those humans like damn wish a huge catastrophe to happen den shiok?
perhaps, to prove wateva they preach is rite, doomsday MUS come huh..

70AD ago the vision was written coz christianity was brutely prosecuted and actualli might exinct, n thus all was written to create faith n support? mayb it was their way of teachin "do not despair, fear not those who wan us dead?" hmm, duuno la. still hor, goin ard wif decal on cars preachin wat i seriously do not wish to see esp on a moody day sure doesnt make me feel any better.. grrr...

eh, if all will end? den god do wat frm den on?

给你一个轻轻的吻

she sent me tis e-card somedays ago.. so sweet!
she huh, oways can spice up my day w/o much effort..
so hor today, here, i wan wish her
HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY! haha..



Happy Birthday, dearest Von,
sweet child of my heart!
pleasure reigns as i type these lovely words,
yr happiness shall last thru end of time!

愿你的每一天都如画一样的美丽!
生日快乐! muacks!!!

when panadols became useless..

it's been 5 fuckin days n my migrain still dunwan go away!!! Grrr...
seen a doc. all he can do for me is, ask me eat medic dun smoke dun stress rest more.. all the "i shld but nv follow" advice.
so tired... im so fuckin tired of this fuckin headache.. :(
ok. im gonna be good, pop some pills den head for bed..

*pain pain shoOo away, dun even come again on nother day!!*

some of some..

i was quite 井底蛙 loh to noe dat wif every snapple, thr is a 'real fact' printed under the cap.
but dat is so not the issue.. wat i wan say is..
very clear hor my new sony ericsson fone? 3.2 mega pix ley..
those oways laff at my old fone de pple.. pls stand 1 side now??!! esp u adrian. yes u!! kaka


went to get 泡泡茶 wif jon and so 巧 his cup was sealed by a Gemini pic which is his horoscope whr else mine is wif a Leo pic.. my horoscope!! hmm, den he sort mentioned it's was our fate to be 2gether.. is our 缘份.. den it got me thinkin..

if 2person's 缘份 is so easily defined by some coincidence of some cups, den i reckon no1 realli need to work any harder on wats in their hearts anymore..


2nd major blue-black of yr 2006.. very painful.. grr...
make a wish: no more no more til 2007? lolxx



i love tis bday gal.. very cute!! some of us, younger bunch in the office wif bday gal Liz..
wah lau.. i can see my tummy lolx... eeeekkk!!! it's diet time!! haha


went to some art launch wif von by tis lady artist. aiyoo, i tot my 艺术细胞 quite not bad de.. but hor, i simply duuno wat she drawin abt. lolx.. too 抽象 for me le. simi connection wif the body wif arts.. chey i tot can see some naked body parts, hahaha..


hin bought me tis pair of flipflops when he was in penang.. it's was 'S' in size but too big loh. i cannot wear.. :( he very ben dan 1.. it's 'S' in mens size!!! cannot wear means mus gib away le.. grrr... faintz.

ok la, enuff of so many rubbish. me wan go find mr 周公 le. although i still slp ard 1-2-3am regularly but it's good to be able to fall aslp quite fast now when i wan? lolx..

???

原来最後的最後，所有的人都会离开。。

那么爱情，以后是什么？？？

喜欢黑夜

第1考场~~*~~ says: ur blogs + night time still got what connection?
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: simi still got wat connection?
第1考场~~*~~ says: ur blog title. very dark, very lonely. like me all alone here.
inoka says: will meh?
inoka says: it's enchantin u tootz!
inoka says: lolx
第1考场~~*~~ says: enchant my ass! hahahahaaa...
inoka says: :(
第1考场~~*~~ says: change lah!! change to bright bright shineshine morning!! haha
inoka says: ...
inoka says: faintz
第1考场~~*~~ says: anyway u work now, seldom blog from late nights wat.
第1考场~~*~~ says: lex say u suuffering from DEpression?
inoka says: got ley.
inoka says: u blind huh..
inoka says: yes ah. bery depressed..
第1考场~~*~~ says: really ah?
inoka says: u wan bring me c doc huh..
inoka says: lolx
第1考场~~*~~ says: ..........



喜欢黑夜， 喜欢在黑夜不开灯的房间里，放着音乐，一个人默默地抽烟。
喜欢深夜不睡，静静地想一些人一些事情。静静地想今天有谁把我放在心裡？
也许在黑夜里，我才会面对最真实的自己。。

she..

tis woman.. hmm, knew her thru ling. first impression? mad de.. lolx!
duno wat to say abt her den. onli noe she damn noisy, damn hilarious, very darin and ooOo, very sexy!! yes, wickedly sexy.

she started readin my blog hehz and sorta like wat i pen down mostly. so on request, i is supposed to write abt.. her! gotten to noe her better le by nw coz we attendin same class and wif dat, i shld be able to write how i feel abt tis lovely lady. hmm..

*witch*
如果她是个巫婆
她会日夜研究
迟早有一天
她会把快乐炼制出来

*wild child Dele*
hollow echoes of burnin desire
bewilderin her mind so pure
yet, a teaser in her blood she craved
of dances, tears, & ivory love
go on, fill her heart wif peppery passion
breakfree gal!
together..
in search of forever love

tis moment, i shut my eyes frm the world it seems. i saw her smile.. standin tall in times of hardship is a woman like her. dun break under pressure gal, dun cry. lai lai, enter my world of imaginations ba. sometimes, dats all we needed to be strong. n becos of yr existence.. life, would be alot more worthy to smile for..

ur who u r, ur wat u r. stay who u r, stay wat u r. live who u r, live wat u r, like a child..

怎么了?

一觉醒来，便会没有任何理由的不开心，会脑子里空空的发呆，我都不知道自己这是要干什么?
好不容易等到了见面的时间，又因一句无心的 "lolx my ass" 更加让我难过得连我自己都听不见心跳。 莫名其妙地心痛。
lightly, is our love tiptoe-ing away wifout warnin ma?
该何去何从呢?
好想对他说对不起不要再吵架了。。最终还是没有。
也许，很多时候心情是因为自己而生成的。
因为心里曾经在意，因为心里曾经固执如此而已。
等我们都看清楚，想明白，我们已经走出来。

是我太过分了吗?
心里闷乱。不知道该说的，还能剩下些什么。

for my mama..

last tues i went for my class not knowin, we were all gonna be put on test on wat we'd learnt tis far.. past exam qns lyin naked infront of me, diff forms of words spiral my heart n brow for the right 1 to use.. the race against time started heavily on me. i wrote in speed lolx. so worried i ran out of time to finish all 3qns. i din even haf time to check thru den times up le! grr..

today i went for class wonderin if i even pass. suprise suprised!!

i got DISTINCTION!!! wootz! it might be jus a test but it affected me more den i ever imagined. results in hand, i was touched. starin at the grades, i saw my blur blur past flashed b4 my eyes. those days when i had good chance to strive in academic and yet trumblin down the road for my overloaded share of ignorant fun.. bad past history and there r plenty things i cannot change. but, i wanted a 2nd chance. i is can, if i wan!

ahh, so emotional.. for all the heartaches i caused my mum thru my years of rebellious existence. i hope, tis and MORE to come, will bring plenty more smiles on her face! muackss..

你我之间

你我之间，有的只剩在失落，空虚的时候有个寄托。
虽然你从来不说，我也会懂。你忘了我是如此敏感，如此聪明。
开始觉得笑，依旧是笑。却慢慢没了内容。
你我之间，结束，只是迟早的事。
因为你我之间的爱情本来就是一部忧伤可悲的童话。 。

~ 快乐是会莫名其妙的消失的 ~

寿星boy

today is adrian aka Struter 的
26th BiRthdAY!!!!



猪你好 pOor thiHg 哦，今天明明是你的生日却还要 go to work。

但是没关系，因为你收到了我的祝福，相信你今天过得会很 HaPpY。

so, 寿星佬，我 wiSh 你所有的希望都能如愿，所有的梦想都能实现，

所有的等候都能出现，所有的付出都能兑现!!

happy birthday!!!

我怕

"ahh, it's gonna be arite baby, it's gonna be jus okay..

someday, i'll unlock dat treasure of freedom in yr heart."

thr were such undefined passion in his tone. wat he din noe was.

the key was stashed away, hidden deep by her a long time ago..

like bird lost in flight, her heart will nvr be the same.

~ the end ~

happily everafter..

love fills the moment n the moment begins eternity..

it was least xpected of guohua to get married within such short notice. he's oways so busy makin $$. 1day he jus called me up n said, "er jie, im gettin married!!" n thr, him n his lovely wife. all of us below r so happy for him.


weddin dinner oways start late de, so thr we go again. takin pics time! tis 2 men was wif me thru out my hardest time. meow meow n adrian!! my fav boys!


my dearest dearest meow n me.


nor.. adrian n me. says my fone sucks. so we took most pics wif his w810i. oso so so nia ma. zz


i like her hair the best! it's been awhile but the curls still look good.. sexy!


check out steven's red lobster face. dinner oso haben start n he oready started drinkin like mad.


lolx, drunk by the 7th dish. not bad la, at least he was drunk sittin straight.


take pic wif me so borin meh.. lolx faintz


isn't she cute? haha.. my fav gal wif jason, her fav man.


eug, me, meow and adrian.. O2 atom lagi worse. 3mega pixel meh? laoya!!

~ 对的时间，遇见对的人，是一生幸福。~

last of June

30 June 2006

met von to to go walk walk after work n she is so sweet. bought me tis 4 realli nice chocolate. the heart shape 1 so nice to eat. it's lychee taste!! i wan go buy le..

29 June 2006

had lunch wif Hin. took me to tis old skool LOR MEE.. yummy although i dun haf much appetite.
he bought me tis ciggy from korea. so cute so long so thin. but i hafta suck like 10times harder n yet i cannot taste anythin at all.. faintz. shld haf listen to shireen n not open it at all.

26 June 2006

my 1st ever press launch (at SPH) since i joined ASME. nearer the award, i'll be very busy!! i was warned. lolx busy is good. busy is good. for me at least.

24 June 2006

went LOOF with jo n ling. jus the 3 of us. it's was nice.

had cosmo and lychee martinis!!

21 June 2006

shanny was at the teller when tis boy came up to me (i was smsing) and asked.. "jie jie, can u take a pic of me?" i was like.. "sure.." and took tis pic. so cute hor. i tot he might wanted me to bluetooth him? if he has a fone of coz. lolx guess wat? he said. "no.. for you.." and ran away aft i ask him if he wans a copy of the pic. 他的出现，我微笑了。

truth hurts

tonite i came hm to a weird jelloe. he wasn't very into me. not too welcoming. hmm.. perhaps he's moody?? animals usualli stare directly at us onli briefly, den look away as if unnerved by somethin he saw n din fancy.. yet tonite, he stare at me right in the eyes for the longest time. i guess i wld nvr know why. he's a strange dog at times. but he is my dog, my onli comfort n i love him.. dat, im sure he's noes.

im xhausted all over, especially my soul. 3mths gone n i tot i was okay. i told von im okay le.
im not. too hard, it's jus too hard. how bitter do i wanna risk becomin by swallowin too many tears? cryin seems to me a perfect option. yet, i ran out of tears. so i declare, truth is sometimes best not knowin. if packs of lies is my onli lead to recovery, so pls, fill me up with lies i rather.

sighz, how strange being alive can be. those things we can so readily touch n feel are so far less real den those we can't touch, feel n see.. how ironic. how depressin. while ago i was certain i wld be better. now my confidence is ebbin like shit. god.. im so fuckin vulnerable!!!!

love affair..

i was walkin.. i was walkin..


she was ready...


he was eager...


ok, they were so ready to fuck. lolx

jumbo-sale-in-a-tiny-box

ok weekend sucks when u wake up feelin lousy. duuno wtf is wrong wif me!! GRRrrrRRR!!
tis is gonna be everythin i wanna post but i din, only til now. think it's gonna be a realli long 1.


meow meow n me. i wonder how is he le. im worried yet dats pretty much NOTHIN i can or any1 else can do. he said had to 闭关修炼. for wat ley, nobody noes. i guess we jus hafta wait ba.


it was duno which day of june.. the yearly event my dad will organise for MR 关公's birthday.
they were prayin. i jus go down to eat. for 3days i get to eat "home cooked" food. n dats a luxury to me. ^^

durin 1of the days, johan jio me dinner, i can't so he came down n look for me. i think he wans to show off his new carbon fibre bonnet rather!

Johan n his 红红 de evo..


kuku jason oso came down to pei all of us. i took pics of his Sti den u noe wat he did? he took my fone n mms himself!! grrrr.. my 50cts.. &^#*%$@! 贱人!!

莫名其妙

我哭了。。很莫名的哭了。
好难受，不知道这样的情绪还要持续多久。。

一切的一切为何还是乱乱的。

伤了

DISAPPOINTMENT!!

DISAPPOINTMENT!!!

失望! 失望! 失望!

原来有些话不小心说明白了

便不可以再装下去了

i dun wanna say gdbye, not yet...

"think its time for you to find a better man den me. i will still care n love u til u found dat 1.. i can't haf u waitin aimlessly for me, not knowin whr we will land. i can't bear to let u go but i hafta. spread yr wings n GO baby.. " (tis is so fuckin bullshit!!!)



the trial has just smashed onto her n he haven't said it was over. onli a dunoe how far walk towards end of a beautiful struggle of love n waitin.. haiz
can't imagine the grief when i read abt it n the amt of hurt she's goin thru.

she seems pretty cool when she told me see how ba..
perhaps she had mastered the art of lettin it down easy.
but, freedom aint an easy conquest im afraid. or maybe tis is her version of 自由。
yet, its scary how calm she was...

可怕的不是放手。可怕的是当她说放手的时候，反而抓的更紧。
伤害是这样，外表完整无缺，内在已经支离破碎。。

yes, she wanted out when things were so insecure. he din let go of her. now she brave it all and stick wif him thru thick n thin.. now he's stable, they could have a bright future 2gether..
why he suddenly wanted a change like dat in time of bliss,
will always remain unknown i reckon.
if he love her like she love him, 一切的一切 shouldn't be a problem le ma.

tmd, pack of lies is oways so easy for the 1 tellin it..

kick ass!

world cup!!!

world cup!!!

byebye u

跟你的联系都已经删除了



也许

这样会好一点

evilish side of beautiful things

was in the meetin room n while waitin for my boss, thot of her n her words.. realised how evil misunderstandins n egos can hurt badly.
she was over sensitive.. i was too bo chap, too angree.


[误会]

一口可怕的老井
不知深浅
但足以淹没爱的灵魂

一段留白

so, tis week was awesome in a rather strange way.

i was sick all week. finalli go see doc n gotten myself 2 days mc but i went back to work onli to haf my boss chased me home. had a movie date on sat.. but i cancel it. too sick to travel ard for a movie. played mj instead.

well, ive learned sumthin abt myself and got rid of a few distractions in my life..
ive learned dat i is SO MUCH stronger den i ever thot and dat so many pple are jus not worth it!! those who r worthy, would be cherish, others can go hide in their imaginary world..
i realised i had jus enuff pple who realli care abt me rather den to worry abt the ones who pretended to..

yeah baby yeah!! 2weeks at work n i oready gotten myself a pay raise!!! wootz...
hmm, still tryin to get better frm tis dumb cold and fever.. mus recover by tml!
oh well, wif the vision for the last sheep, i will count myself to slp..