不知道还好

tis is wat i read:



文章说：“梁山伯与祝英台化蝶的故事，堪称民间传说中的经典。但是，蝴蝶双飞不是爱。以蝴蝶的生活习性来说，蝴蝶双飞却正好是爱情破裂的象征。动物学家研究发现，蝴蝶家族种类繁多，它们的寿命从数天到一年多不等。蝴蝶的‘爱情’生活更是短暂的，而且它们‘谈情说爱’多是在僻静的地方，假如雌蝶发现配偶不合己意，会毅然抛弃，再寻如意‘郎君’。交配完成以后，蝴蝶会马上振翅高飞。当雄蝶腾空直追时，就已经到了‘彻底决裂’的境界，情断义绝了。”

　

gosh!! 一时间, 还真希望 i had nv come across tis article.. SAD.
my heart was invaded by a truth i would rather not noe. so confused..
actualli oso 说不清是什么感觉，guess 有的只是真相大白后所剩的叹息和失望。
the magical touch of seein 2 butterflies flutters away in love was gone!!
sobsob.. 凌乱的心如破镜，再也拼不回原有的感觉。。。
呆着，i suddenly realised i 犯了一个无法弥补的错。
one of those few good simplicty of life 就这样被我亲"眼" destroyed.. 晕!!
realli, 有些真相还是不知道的好。
so join me my frens, in tis moment of mournin for dat perfect dance of love, ashes to ashes dust to dust ba..

投票精神

omg, i need to VOTE!!!

y no walk over? troublesome... zzz
actualli hor so many stuffs in sg can do it online, y our government no implement e-votin?
it will make it easier for lazy asses like me, no muss, no fuss, click n dats it. lolx! so simple.

votin is for citizens to support those candidates they like n i dun even noe who to fancy.
if meow meow din tell me i hadda vote for either PAP or Workers Party.. i oso duuno who r completin for the seats. guess the results doesn't affect me. im nv a very patriotic person.. think i jus cast my 'holy' vote when i see which candidate looks cuter? ok, dat is so a joke.

i will vote for the1 who has a sensitive compassionate kind heart wif a sharp intelligent n fearless mind wif a conscience...
hmm, go whr find? sg got such politician meh?

again

the JAM wasn't as bad but still quite 恐怖,
it was rainin n i is fuckin bored..

din realli get to shop ard for long coz the boys were bored
n adrian was down wif sudden flu.
we went for more seafood feast at the 大马花园


tis time i rem to take b4 pics n yes the food is so YUMMY!!


my all time 最爱 veg, ladyfingers!!


tis 肉骨茶 soup is so very very the nice..


von n me.. so bloody hot at the market. grrr...


drinks sales promoters?
faintz! dats the best they can do when ask for a pose..

after makan go whr ley? back to my hse for
more mj loh. as usual, too many legs means i dun get to play.
n fuck, i forgot to collect 水钱..


dun get to play still mus sponser tissues for the
sick man to 塞 his 鼻涕..

duuno y, think im sick of bloggin abt food.
so sianz but wat to do, i promise to blog more
on happier stuffs. so i mus 加油!!!

饱饱饱!!

stupid eug n steven pang seh (放生) us go JB de KTV 抱妹妹s wif they frens. so adrian von n me decided to go JB oso! but we wan go shop for dvds[hush hush lolx] n makan but the jam was like WOW!! end up we gave up n settle for dinner in sg.


we went Jumbo!

too hungry to rem take b4 pics of the satisfyin meal..
hehe onli rem to take aft pics. is gross now i see coz i is still very full. lolx




tis fellow ah, full of complains.. too hungry n too full.. zz
dat is how he looked like when FULL!!

after Jumbo, we gals wanted somethin sweet
even though we r very full oready
so we insisted adrian drove us to CoffeeClub for some desserts.
very 贪吃 hor? haha..


yummy! very very sinful, very very shiok! lolx


von, my little 开心 greedy pig!


dat look on his face, mus be thinkin how to finish his ice mocha..

aft all those makanin, we almost cannot lift ourselves to walk.
太饱了!!
haiz, too bad meow meow got to work. few days no see,
so miss him.. !!!

to shiling

这一刻，有我最深的思念。
让满心的祝福，点缀你甜蜜的梦。

愿你度过一个温馨浪漫的生日！

bliss i pray for thee..

went to 4seasons hotel for chinz n rachel weddin.. supposed to get my hair set at robin's but i couldn't make it on time, so i decided to jus tie everythin up myself. a little messy but i guess it will do, ha!


(left2right: joanne, me, rachel[bride], irene)


(lotsa yum seng + the very drunk groom, chinz[in specs],
very blur pic but dats the best i could do wif movin pple n a lousy 7610)

every1 was playin wif their fones at our table.. comparin the mega pixes.


(dats wif adrian's fone.. joanne n me. the so called 2mega pixes???)


(gorgeous us again wif jon's atom, oso 2mega pixes. hmmm very pinkish.. )


(jason n joanne. my fone like best ley.. horhorhor? onli 1.3mega pixes! hehz)


(adrian, me, jason.. tryin hard to smile coz we r too full frm eatin too much.
our table got 3 empty seats. aiyo those pple huh, not cumin no say de.
so bad.. of em)

arite folks, tis is the best on the weddin or on ourselves? lolx.
jus wish the Rats couple all da bestz in their matrimony!

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.

~Winston Churchill~

see NO touch

steven n eug fetched me go dinner at hougang mall
jus now b4 they proceed to my hse for mj...

den steven bought me sweets..
hehz 好感动 by his little gesture. ^^
they came over for mahjong but im not allowed to play loh, faintz.
these r the bullies of the nite!! hmmpphh 真讨厌!!!


(anti-clockwise: meow[grey tshirt], adrian, steven, eug)

so hor, i can onli blog while they happily cursin eachother away..


(BIG winner: steven who treat me dinner :P)


(3 boys tryin very hard to recoup their losses lolx)

when u not playin, it's actualli quite njoyable lookin at em play.
can be pretty 刺激 jus by watchin, u get the kick but wun get to lose.
haha.. next time i dun get to play, mus collect water monie le.. tmd!!


(my baby jelloe, guess im not the onli 1 deprived of fun)

the words i hear alot now:

我操!, knnz, wah cb, wah u chao &%^$...
lose til high, fuck... u Von wannabe ah? still mai feed?
Von number2 ah cb.... etc!

aiyo 可怜的 yvon, not playin 2nite oso kenna fuck frm afar...!

难

很久很久以前有人说

~每失去一样东西 你的自由就会多一些~

真的是这样吗
握紧拳头
什么都没有
如果松开手
就真的可以拥有整个世界吗

faintz

floatin lazily, i is so tmd de slpy!!! yet im still so bloody awake. y ley, i duno.. zzz

whisperin wind
carry me back to my dreams
lock me thr,
forever.

pls la.. i wan to slp!

人临死时 会想些什么

满天星

story of 1man, 1boat n a [almost] perfect night..

~dat night~
stars, stars n more stars,
everywhr i look, i see
stars, stars n more stars.

~affections~
run to the canvas,
whr the stars r waitin
to carry me to u.

~innermost~
the stars shone on
carryin memories n pain
of lost n found hope..

~him~
his affections, a flame
dat burns thru the yrs
n never goes out.

~if only i could~
one smile frm thy heart, i fell
deep into the pool
of yr smokey eyes.

the night is still so bloody young..

the moon crawls 2nite..
every1 who stays by me thru r goin back to work. everyone ard me flies, content with their own existence, to continue on their journey. while down here i am still so lost.
argh! ok, who's turn to redeem me of the sadness i accquired since dat fateful day?
im so sick of not knowin wat to do, whr to go.. n im sick of writin,
seems my every creative thought based solely on him, on the hurt he caused.

perhaps trying too hard to force dat painful past outta the present isn't gonna work.
will never happen, i wanted it too much to be gone too soon i guess..
aiyo, time moves past me slowly, im still stuck in the same place of agony.

recently, either i can't eat or i dun eat well. i wanted to eat, i jus can't.
maybe i jus wanna starve myself. starve every painful tots dat lingers,
starve every memories dats tormentin my soul n 2gether i could starve em to death!! hmm...
yeeeww, meanin to say if my love for him mus die so dat i may live, i shld surrender? haiz!
ha, i mus be pretty senseless rite now.. *faint*

if onli i could steal some courage, mayb it wld be easier to end this unbearable fight against broken trust. driftin thru wat might haf been n wat could haf been, no ans. seems my love for him is gettin colder by the minute. it's gonna take more den luck for him to win it back.
gosh! im sosososososo tired of all this shit!!!

他的心已经要回
我找不到我的心
他的心已经回来
我好像没有了心

斗转星移

想忘就像喝下一杯冰冷的水

然后化作滚烫的泪

从眼中流出来

心底那荒凉的冷

不可想象

没经历过的人

根本无法体会

刻骨的心痛

[深]
依然徘徊在
应该忘与不能忘
的痛苦里
找不到出口

[败]
曾经温馨的感动
跌碎在一个瞬间
的糊涂帐

[绝]
他的激情过后
我只剩一颗烧干的泪
坠入凡尘

[埋]
与他
只有转身的距离
可这转身
却耗去我一生的叹息

[迷恋]
是一个阴谋
一开始就导演了这场
你我她的悲剧

想着想着 变了

read tis somewhr，觉得蛮有意思的。

"Sometimes getting affected by people, at times we just chose to be affected by other people. For example, people say stupid at you once but you ended saying it to yourself many times by arguing about it in your heart."

我们是否也帮助了他人去強化他们的话呢？別人的一句無心快语，
可能是我们自己把它变为现实的。

叹息

我想我总是不知道
要如何去学会放弃
现在我知道
有些事 有些人
你根本就无法掌控
不是你不去放弃
而是你根本就抓不住


我的灵魂好像已经
疲惫不堪
不明白选择放下后
心为何还在痛
感叹一切只能尽在不能言中

too much of nvr shld've been..

[我们]
也许是有爱的
但是没有爱情
也许是有爱情的
但是没有未来

[缘]
走了好久好久
一不小心
迷了路

[忆]
曾经的 过去的
没有预兆的消失

[夜]
心痛了再痛
泪干了再流
不由自主
一把盐按住伤口

[無奈]
火焰舞蝶的媚
你回不了头
我不得已
被逼
转身而去

[背]
丝丝牵挂
片片忧伤
一场破碎的梦
从此走下去
不停留
不再回头

[苦]
无渴望 无呼唤
无情无感
无幸福可言

迷

Often, people don stop to reflect and check their direction in life until they are feeling low or are in rough times... and when they do, they realised that they are lost... read tis frm a blog




oh yes, im very LOST...
不知为何总觉得这几年好像死活着，真的好累。
why issit so hard for him to see wat i realli ever wanted?
im beginnin to start walkin again,
away frm whr i started n rested for a long time.
是时候起程了却不晓得该往哪里去，唉
7 年前的我觉得会因为他而快乐。7年后的今天，只剩寂寞和狼狈。
helpless!! so bloody helpless...
i used to believe he would nvr change,
i used to believe in him, in me.
i used to believe....

每当我奴力的学着开心点，坚强点，
总会有一个声音在耳边提醒着我：
放弃吧，快乐离你太远了。

好难过。。

her heart

i was browsin thru those old pics i took long ago
n saw tis heart frm a melon.
to think even fruits had love in em..
haiz, wat abt mine?

忘了要忘

[他]
不知何时 跟着逆风玩了去
跑得太远 远得我以经看不见

[瘾]
我总是孤独的想着
体会着想着的孤独

[忘]
这空档档的四房室
只剩回忆
那忘了多久一个人睡
的双人床
像默默的默默的等着
结束的到来

[心]
它总是那么的脆弱
脆弱得 一触就痛

心好痛。

我终于明白。。

没有人是故意要变心的。
爱你的时候是真的掏了心的去爱你，
不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了。
爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你，
我想同样的，
不再爱你的时候也没办法假装爱你了。

不见了的爱，是真的找不回来的。

不一定是100% 爱着才能在一起，
不一定是100%不爱了才会选择离开。

即然比此之间有了决定，希望不会带来遗憾。

单枪匹马

在慢慢习惯了孤独的时候，
我好像已爱上了孤独。
不经意发现在我的骨子里，
言行举止里，都有着它的踪影。
想挥也挥不去。。
想悄悄的逃離，卻始終抽不離.
是我留著它，還是它留著我？

for whom the bells tolls..

今天又有朋友告诉我她要当新娘了。。



xxx: jac!!
inoka: ??
xxx: im getting married!! he proposed to me last nite..
inoka: wah..
inoka: congratz...
xxx: so happy u knoe.. after so long. finally can buy house have babies!!
inoka: haha
inoka: how he proposed de?
xxx: dinner at chijmes then we toking abt our future. then he ask me marry him lor. he say is time we apply for a flat n start a family.
inoka: eh
inoka: like dat oso can? lolx
inoka: simi proposal lai de..
inoka: tmd..
inoka: lolx
xxx: mmm, ok lah. haha together so long, i thought he'd never ask.
inoka: zzzz
inoka: aiya
inoka: u happy can le lolx
xxx: ;p
inoka: u ah
inoka: dyin to marry him i noe. lolx
xxx: not dying lah!!
inoka: no meh?
xxx: he quite good catch. dun marry him marry who? hahaha
inoka: ....

我好像不知还应该说什么。
不多说些什么，也许就是我对她最好的祝福吧。

近来听到男婚女嫁的三大理由：
两人趁屋价不是太高，早点买房子。
想结婚，是想要一个孩子。
对方条件不错，能给予稳定的生活。

我仿佛以经很久很久没听到有人说，他要结婚是为很爱很爱一个人。
很想很想和那个人永远永远的在一起。。
或许生活便是如此， 没有完美，没有永远。

好大的

BIG hor the blueblack? sobsob
very pain ah 他妈的！
next time i dun gei kiang le..
so stupid, tryin to jump up my bed oso will knock against myself.
faintz.... lolx

麻将美女

赢钱赢到哭？von 啊 von, 穿我的 t-shirt 有heng hor?

moonlight in tokyo

watched moonlight in tokyo by leon lai today..
he looks so old oready. abit fat, not cute le.
tot is a comedy but i barely laff.
maybe its the movie, maybe its jus me.
hmmm..

唉

心情真的好差啊。。
如果真可以赖‘死’在床上该多好，不用去想自然就不会烦。
可，不想又谈何容易。真他妈的！
我想夫妻之间最难莫过于在很须要真正的好好沟通时，却一句话也说不出。
或即使说出了口，他也不会明白，不愿明白。
唉，叫我如何是好嘛。

fallin..

留不下却又离不开，好累。

thinkin back, it was so ez to say 'i do'. now ah, its onli try try try n more tries to keep those vows we swore. constant battlin wif intense xpectancy of wat he shld but din, leavin only anguish of disappointment my soul cannot contain for much longer le. i wonder whr did the once so keen heart disappear to?

诗的回应

念 只有无情的悲伤
等 只有残酷得失望
酒 是我的好同伴
烟 是我的好知己
你的笑容成了我的眼泪
爱一个人需要那么痛苦吗？
~liquidfire~

爱 与不能爱之间
痛 与不再痛以后
烟 酒 泪
象无情的陷阱
把你一次一次
暗算
~inoka~

his last nite in sg

skip mj today for fung's last nite in sg b4 he went aussie to pursue his daddy's dream. went to tis ktv pub 'club62' to drink til drop for every1 cept me hehz. the service thr "还真不错", wun let u have empty glasses for too long de lolx.
waitress many many, all wear very 短 n very 少.
erm, not too pretty but still passable ba. but!! many 帅哥s thr..



poor fung, can see he very 依依不舍 every1 n every thing in sg. i wonder why.
i was even tellin him, 'go le dun come back!! sg sucks anyway..'
he told me he will miss me very much de, aiyo so sweet.



duuno drink til when, every1 became very quiet, seems 再多的狂饮也掩饰不了大家的不舍得.
深深的feel 到eugene 的明言：脸带笑容心悲哀.
无奈的明白原来离别也可以很美, 美得叫人心痛..

一念与一念之间

von's blog 又让我想起 dat incident which left me 后悔莫级..

i rem it was drizzlin. i was takin shelter when i saw tis adult bird fell frm a tree n landed straight onto the road, near the curbside. jus when i tot it was dead frm the fall, another bird flew to it's side n started peckin the dyin bird furiously to its consciousness. however, the bird seemed 受了重伤 din even move. onli to raise its head once in a while. 凄凉的惨叫声 were heard constantly comin frm its mate, perhaps beggin for help or perhaps tryin its best to yell those traffic away. sad.

at tis point, my inner voice told me if i dun do somethin abt it. dat poor birdie will die soon under the tyre tracks wif fast movin oncomin cars, buses, lorries etc.

i knew i mus move the bird to somewhr safe.
i knew xactly wat i mus do. the thing was, i did not. i couldnt..
in my life, 我有两没法碰, 就是活生生的鸟和鱼. i wanted so much to help yet 我的双脚跟本不听使唤无法动弹. i could only stand thr watch n pray those vehicles will miss it.
how pathetic.. how useless of me.

after a long struggle wif many close deaths, 命运终究还是 took the bird away. my eyes were on the bird while it finally happen. it was only den, i truely realised dat i could haf save dat poor thing, onli if i were brave enuff. i dun even noe wtf i was so scare abt. fuckin shit.
i hate my cowardice.

他的生或死就在于我的一念之间. 我的懦弱, 无情的夺走了原本还有一线生机的小生命.
抱歉有用吗？i think not.. :(

是否

你的生命中是否有那样一个人，
心里，总是会无时无刻悄悄地想起他的样子。
他的一切，已在你心底烙上了深深的印。
但你和他，却注定不能在一起。
如果爱了，结果只会是错误，伤害，最终分离。

另外还有那样的一个人，
誓言无怨无悔的陪伴在你身边。
温柔的分担着你的烦恼，你的眼泪。
为你的生活背负起责任，用一颗最真诚的心去爱，保护你。
而你对他的感情却只能淡淡的，淡淡的。

天亮了，可我的心依然灰灰的。。

今天

希望
平日的我大多都不跟许多人一样会去排队买 toto
因我觉幸运之神离我好远好远。
但不知是为了凑热闹还是真想买一个希望。
花了$32， 奖金最终还是落入别家。
虽然明知哪有那么易中彩，心里还是难免藏有一丝丝的失望，嘿。。
猫猫说过的，有买有希望。下次再来吧？

苦
小时候，从不喜欢吃苦瓜。妈常说我吃不了苦。
唉呀，苦瓜太苦了！
我想人会变，口味也会变吧。午饭时我竟然叫了苦瓜小菜吃了起来。
很苦， 真的很苦。苦在嘴里，心里却鸣起怪怪的想法。
渐渐地，感觉苦是一种享受，一种感动。
也许生活的苦能用心去感受去体会，应该也不过如此。。

期待
选择不复酒约，留在家打牌。满怀期待与牌做乐。
偏偏被那一张张的牌气的死去活来。
要什么不来什么， 打什么来什么！心想不要紧，期待下一圈会好一点。
就这样，期待。失望。再期待。 再失望。。
他明白，她也明白。可，就那牌不明白！真是讨厌。
有时候，失望也是一种幸福。
至少，能给自己一个好借口换掉那又旧又顽固的麻将了。

想说的
很想回他的信却不知应该说些什么。
其实看了信，那份感动与心痛非笔墨能形容。
可，我却清楚的记不起关于很多他的一切。
只记得我们成经巧合性的爱过，连为何事分开也已模糊。
也许，我的清楚与不清楚应该就是最好的回信吧。。

如果没法忘记，就不要忘记好了。真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。

忘了

他的情书：

已经好久没有想你，以为都忘了。
还以为，时间真的可以淡忘一切。
只是， 总有一些事刹那间，勾起我的回忆。
不想，还是莫明地想起，不由自主的怀念。

你还是这样，写的东西让人有忧郁的感觉。
也许，你有着别人无法理解的悲伤。
我记得你的眼神，从忧郁中能感受到的深情。
只是，那种深情永远不关于我。
我无法走进你的世界，我都知道的。

可是，总是那么地期待。
我恨我自己。
但，又能怎样？

和自己一起

病还没好，嘴间的烟还是一根接一根。
不知是睡多了还是我已习惯在夜里自言自语。。
我常在想，
假如命中注定要放弃一些本来可以属于自己的东西，那又会是什么呢？
假如命中注定拥有记忆，那不愿被忘记里会有你的影子吗？
因有爱而活无爱而灭的灵魂会得到解脱吗？
为何了解自己如此之难，
期待快乐的日子仿佛永远没有尽头？
想累了， 天也无情的亮了。

bloody cough.

i was coughin real badly til i couldn't slp. 川贝枇杷膏 dun work le. n the last time i checked wat i spat out. gosh, 见血了! i surrender! i went to see my doc jus now.

"breathe harder.. ok, harder.. hmmm, pain rite when u breathe hard?" he diagnosed me wif bronchitis cough after he performs a physical examinations wif his stethoscope. "huh? very chiem doc, issit serious? will die ma?" i onli understood cough lolx.

he did some xplainations of duno wat inflammation of the linin of the bronchial tubes, the airways that connect the windpipe to the lungs which could caused serious lungs diseases if not treated properly etc... i wasn't realli absorbin every word he said.
i onli heard.. "no smokin, no cold drinks, no fruits..."

nvr see any antibiotics so BIG size b4 .. faintz

eh think i gonna jus smoke 1 ciggy b4 i head to bed.. heh 好累

原来

yes it's 6.46am early n yes im still awake. perhaps i slpt too much tryin to recover frm fever n bad bad cough. perhaps, slpin for a better tml doesn't mean much to me le. perhaps 5ciggy only in a day drives me crazy! din noe writin chinese poems so much harder. took me longer den usual. good start though..


想不起

在一起的甜蜜时光
厌倦了

不被需要

那没流出来的泪

在我的心上却好久好久不干

原来

我们过的已是不同的日子

time's up baby.

wat happens when u noe u r no longer in needy of?

do u stay pretendin, or it's time to move on n leave..