eyes wide shut

SICK

SIAN

LOW MORALE

SO ANGREE

SO HELPLESS..

dats me frm 945 pm til now.

人为什么要活着？

自己一人搭地铁回家时想了很久很久。

人为什么要活着？我想不出答案。

接着想下去，一直想到我必须闭上眼睛的那一刻。。

发现

不是每一个活着的理由，活着的梦想都能修成正果。

孟婆在吗?

[情]
天不荒地忘了老
一辈子
不翼而飞

[恨]
他幸福地活着
她痛快地腐烂

[夜]
星星默默地注视
曾经的过去的
消失的

传说中有一种汤。 喝了就会忘。忘了所有的怨恨，忘了所有的不平，也忘了所有的好所有的爱。
所有的事都只不过是一瞬间。你有吗? 分一碗给我好吗?

闭上眼睛，永远不在睁开。

我要

感谢伤害过我的人，
因为那磨练我的意志。

感谢欺骗过我的人，
因为那增进我的见识。

最后我要

感谢那些自私自利的人，
因为那让我明白，
人不为己天诛地灭。

所以

从今开始的我，
有一种沉默叫做放弃，
我的内心深处那一份情感，
从此不会再提起。

tmd..

some pple r juz so......
PUBORTIC!!!

busy workin gal

my 第一天 at ASME is very very the busy.. i started at 9am.. now 930pm den i reach hm.. zzz
din eat breakfast n lunch coz too busy n 不习惯 to eatin at dat timin.. not yet..
tot can haf a nice dinner aft work, who noes still mus go to a BMW private event hosted by asme. boss say mus go.. so LL.. end up din eat dinner oso. past the hunger time when i finally offwork. sianz simi appetite oso no haf le. guess tml's gonna be another fuckin busy day. faintz

how to 保持 youth le la.. tmd.

潜在忙碌中的那一刻我似乎看到了过去的入口一片寂静,
只感觉到时间缓缓流过很安全, 很逍遥。
再潜深一些, 深一些梦想就要实现了。。。

hmm.. time for a few games of GB b4 i head off to bed.

想对他说的

亲爱的，

在我们爱的世界里不能有错， 只要错了便回不了头。
只要错了。。 想回头的那个一定理亏。 你是知道的。。
你却明知故犯!!

或许在爱的世界里根本没有谁对不起谁， 只有谁不懂得珍惜谁。。
也许我的一直都在，让你忘了珍惜。
你现在嘴里所谓依然爱我的爱在哪里？ 我翻遍了全身口袋都找不著。
爱在哪里？ 究竟究竟你的爱究竟在哪里？

你的错你的抱歉，我懂。我一个人冷冷的痛，你却不能体会。
那伤口，总是挥之不去，一直缠着我。
不知不觉，我爱你的心已因背叛而开始腐烂。
我撑不下去就快要窒息。
你的拥抱弥补不了所有的抱歉，所剩的爱，

已卑微地喘息了。。

精疲力竭!!

今天过得好痛苦

好固执的等待好心情的到来

还真他妈的难

说好了不再掉泪

最后还是防不胜防的哭了

原来我竟是这样的不堪一击

或许

只有在最难熬的时候

才能把曾经走过的那段日子

看得最真确最清楚

精疲力竭!!

梦醒时分

天真的以为我已经放下，已经忘怀。
经昨晚一梦以后，我知道我根本无法释怀。
睡了又醒，醒了又睡。
原来一切就好象是一场不了的梦。
可这一场梦，一做就是七年多。
今天好象醒了，却突然感觉睡得多没道理。
不明白的是梦醒了，
却发现我依然还站在原地。

心有余

如果

沒有陪我走完一辈子的勇气

请

不要爱我

不知道还好

tis is wat i read:



文章说：“梁山伯与祝英台化蝶的故事，堪称民间传说中的经典。但是，蝴蝶双飞不是爱。以蝴蝶的生活习性来说，蝴蝶双飞却正好是爱情破裂的象征。动物学家研究发现，蝴蝶家族种类繁多，它们的寿命从数天到一年多不等。蝴蝶的‘爱情’生活更是短暂的，而且它们‘谈情说爱’多是在僻静的地方，假如雌蝶发现配偶不合己意，会毅然抛弃，再寻如意‘郎君’。交配完成以后，蝴蝶会马上振翅高飞。当雄蝶腾空直追时，就已经到了‘彻底决裂’的境界，情断义绝了。”

　

gosh!! 一时间, 还真希望 i had nv come across tis article.. SAD.
my heart was invaded by a truth i would rather not noe. so confused..
actualli oso 说不清是什么感觉，guess 有的只是真相大白后所剩的叹息和失望。
the magical touch of seein 2 butterflies flutters away in love was gone!!
sobsob.. 凌乱的心如破镜，再也拼不回原有的感觉。。。
呆着，i suddenly realised i 犯了一个无法弥补的错。
one of those few good simplicty of life 就这样被我亲"眼" destroyed.. 晕!!
realli, 有些真相还是不知道的好。
so join me my frens, in tis moment of mournin for dat perfect dance of love, ashes to ashes dust to dust ba..

投票精神

omg, i need to VOTE!!!

y no walk over? troublesome... zzz
actualli hor so many stuffs in sg can do it online, y our government no implement e-votin?
it will make it easier for lazy asses like me, no muss, no fuss, click n dats it. lolx! so simple.

votin is for citizens to support those candidates they like n i dun even noe who to fancy.
if meow meow din tell me i hadda vote for either PAP or Workers Party.. i oso duuno who r completin for the seats. guess the results doesn't affect me. im nv a very patriotic person.. think i jus cast my 'holy' vote when i see which candidate looks cuter? ok, dat is so a joke.

i will vote for the1 who has a sensitive compassionate kind heart wif a sharp intelligent n fearless mind wif a conscience...
hmm, go whr find? sg got such politician meh?

again

the JAM wasn't as bad but still quite 恐怖,
it was rainin n i is fuckin bored..

din realli get to shop ard for long coz the boys were bored
n adrian was down wif sudden flu.
we went for more seafood feast at the 大马花园


tis time i rem to take b4 pics n yes the food is so YUMMY!!


my all time 最爱 veg, ladyfingers!!


tis 肉骨茶 soup is so very very the nice..


von n me.. so bloody hot at the market. grrr...


drinks sales promoters?
faintz! dats the best they can do when ask for a pose..

after makan go whr ley? back to my hse for
more mj loh. as usual, too many legs means i dun get to play.
n fuck, i forgot to collect 水钱..


dun get to play still mus sponser tissues for the
sick man to 塞 his 鼻涕..

duuno y, think im sick of bloggin abt food.
so sianz but wat to do, i promise to blog more
on happier stuffs. so i mus 加油!!!

饱饱饱!!

stupid eug n steven pang seh (放生) us go JB de KTV 抱妹妹s wif they frens. so adrian von n me decided to go JB oso! but we wan go shop for dvds[hush hush lolx] n makan but the jam was like WOW!! end up we gave up n settle for dinner in sg.


we went Jumbo!

too hungry to rem take b4 pics of the satisfyin meal..
hehe onli rem to take aft pics. is gross now i see coz i is still very full. lolx




tis fellow ah, full of complains.. too hungry n too full.. zz
dat is how he looked like when FULL!!

after Jumbo, we gals wanted somethin sweet
even though we r very full oready
so we insisted adrian drove us to CoffeeClub for some desserts.
very 贪吃 hor? haha..


yummy! very very sinful, very very shiok! lolx


von, my little 开心 greedy pig!


dat look on his face, mus be thinkin how to finish his ice mocha..

aft all those makanin, we almost cannot lift ourselves to walk.
太饱了!!
haiz, too bad meow meow got to work. few days no see,
so miss him.. !!!

to shiling

这一刻，有我最深的思念。
让满心的祝福，点缀你甜蜜的梦。

愿你度过一个温馨浪漫的生日！

bliss i pray for thee..

went to 4seasons hotel for chinz n rachel weddin.. supposed to get my hair set at robin's but i couldn't make it on time, so i decided to jus tie everythin up myself. a little messy but i guess it will do, ha!


(left2right: joanne, me, rachel[bride], irene)


(lotsa yum seng + the very drunk groom, chinz[in specs],
very blur pic but dats the best i could do wif movin pple n a lousy 7610)

every1 was playin wif their fones at our table.. comparin the mega pixes.


(dats wif adrian's fone.. joanne n me. the so called 2mega pixes???)


(gorgeous us again wif jon's atom, oso 2mega pixes. hmmm very pinkish.. )


(jason n joanne. my fone like best ley.. horhorhor? onli 1.3mega pixes! hehz)


(adrian, me, jason.. tryin hard to smile coz we r too full frm eatin too much.
our table got 3 empty seats. aiyo those pple huh, not cumin no say de.
so bad.. of em)

arite folks, tis is the best on the weddin or on ourselves? lolx.
jus wish the Rats couple all da bestz in their matrimony!

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me.

~Winston Churchill~

see NO touch

steven n eug fetched me go dinner at hougang mall
jus now b4 they proceed to my hse for mj...

den steven bought me sweets..
hehz 好感动 by his little gesture. ^^
they came over for mahjong but im not allowed to play loh, faintz.
these r the bullies of the nite!! hmmpphh 真讨厌!!!


(anti-clockwise: meow[grey tshirt], adrian, steven, eug)

so hor, i can onli blog while they happily cursin eachother away..


(BIG winner: steven who treat me dinner :P)


(3 boys tryin very hard to recoup their losses lolx)

when u not playin, it's actualli quite njoyable lookin at em play.
can be pretty 刺激 jus by watchin, u get the kick but wun get to lose.
haha.. next time i dun get to play, mus collect water monie le.. tmd!!


(my baby jelloe, guess im not the onli 1 deprived of fun)

the words i hear alot now:

我操!, knnz, wah cb, wah u chao &%^$...
lose til high, fuck... u Von wannabe ah? still mai feed?
Von number2 ah cb.... etc!

aiyo 可怜的 yvon, not playin 2nite oso kenna fuck frm afar...!

难

很久很久以前有人说

~每失去一样东西 你的自由就会多一些~

真的是这样吗
握紧拳头
什么都没有
如果松开手
就真的可以拥有整个世界吗

faintz

floatin lazily, i is so tmd de slpy!!! yet im still so bloody awake. y ley, i duno.. zzz

whisperin wind
carry me back to my dreams
lock me thr,
forever.

pls la.. i wan to slp!

人临死时 会想些什么

满天星

story of 1man, 1boat n a [almost] perfect night..

~dat night~
stars, stars n more stars,
everywhr i look, i see
stars, stars n more stars.

~affections~
run to the canvas,
whr the stars r waitin
to carry me to u.

~innermost~
the stars shone on
carryin memories n pain
of lost n found hope..

~him~
his affections, a flame
dat burns thru the yrs
n never goes out.

~if only i could~
one smile frm thy heart, i fell
deep into the pool
of yr smokey eyes.

the night is still so bloody young..

the moon crawls 2nite..
every1 who stays by me thru r goin back to work. everyone ard me flies, content with their own existence, to continue on their journey. while down here i am still so lost.
argh! ok, who's turn to redeem me of the sadness i accquired since dat fateful day?
im so sick of not knowin wat to do, whr to go.. n im sick of writin,
seems my every creative thought based solely on him, on the hurt he caused.

perhaps trying too hard to force dat painful past outta the present isn't gonna work.
will never happen, i wanted it too much to be gone too soon i guess..
aiyo, time moves past me slowly, im still stuck in the same place of agony.

recently, either i can't eat or i dun eat well. i wanted to eat, i jus can't.
maybe i jus wanna starve myself. starve every painful tots dat lingers,
starve every memories dats tormentin my soul n 2gether i could starve em to death!! hmm...
yeeeww, meanin to say if my love for him mus die so dat i may live, i shld surrender? haiz!
ha, i mus be pretty senseless rite now.. *faint*

if onli i could steal some courage, mayb it wld be easier to end this unbearable fight against broken trust. driftin thru wat might haf been n wat could haf been, no ans. seems my love for him is gettin colder by the minute. it's gonna take more den luck for him to win it back.
gosh! im sosososososo tired of all this shit!!!

他的心已经要回
我找不到我的心
他的心已经回来
我好像没有了心

斗转星移

想忘就像喝下一杯冰冷的水

然后化作滚烫的泪

从眼中流出来

心底那荒凉的冷

不可想象

没经历过的人

根本无法体会

刻骨的心痛

[深]
依然徘徊在
应该忘与不能忘
的痛苦里
找不到出口

[败]
曾经温馨的感动
跌碎在一个瞬间
的糊涂帐

[绝]
他的激情过后
我只剩一颗烧干的泪
坠入凡尘

[埋]
与他
只有转身的距离
可这转身
却耗去我一生的叹息

[迷恋]
是一个阴谋
一开始就导演了这场
你我她的悲剧

想着想着 变了

read tis somewhr，觉得蛮有意思的。

"Sometimes getting affected by people, at times we just chose to be affected by other people. For example, people say stupid at you once but you ended saying it to yourself many times by arguing about it in your heart."

我们是否也帮助了他人去強化他们的话呢？別人的一句無心快语，
可能是我们自己把它变为现实的。

叹息

我想我总是不知道
要如何去学会放弃
现在我知道
有些事 有些人
你根本就无法掌控
不是你不去放弃
而是你根本就抓不住


我的灵魂好像已经
疲惫不堪
不明白选择放下后
心为何还在痛
感叹一切只能尽在不能言中

too much of nvr shld've been..

[我们]
也许是有爱的
但是没有爱情
也许是有爱情的
但是没有未来

[缘]
走了好久好久
一不小心
迷了路

[忆]
曾经的 过去的
没有预兆的消失

[夜]
心痛了再痛
泪干了再流
不由自主
一把盐按住伤口

[無奈]
火焰舞蝶的媚
你回不了头
我不得已
被逼
转身而去

[背]
丝丝牵挂
片片忧伤
一场破碎的梦
从此走下去
不停留
不再回头

[苦]
无渴望 无呼唤
无情无感
无幸福可言

迷

Often, people don stop to reflect and check their direction in life until they are feeling low or are in rough times... and when they do, they realised that they are lost... read tis frm a blog




oh yes, im very LOST...
不知为何总觉得这几年好像死活着，真的好累。
why issit so hard for him to see wat i realli ever wanted?
im beginnin to start walkin again,
away frm whr i started n rested for a long time.
是时候起程了却不晓得该往哪里去，唉
7 年前的我觉得会因为他而快乐。7年后的今天，只剩寂寞和狼狈。
helpless!! so bloody helpless...
i used to believe he would nvr change,
i used to believe in him, in me.
i used to believe....

每当我奴力的学着开心点，坚强点，
总会有一个声音在耳边提醒着我：
放弃吧，快乐离你太远了。

好难过。。

her heart

i was browsin thru those old pics i took long ago
n saw tis heart frm a melon.
to think even fruits had love in em..
haiz, wat abt mine?

忘了要忘

[他]
不知何时 跟着逆风玩了去
跑得太远 远得我以经看不见

[瘾]
我总是孤独的想着
体会着想着的孤独

[忘]
这空档档的四房室
只剩回忆
那忘了多久一个人睡
的双人床
像默默的默默的等着
结束的到来

[心]
它总是那么的脆弱
脆弱得 一触就痛

心好痛。

我终于明白。。

没有人是故意要变心的。
爱你的时候是真的掏了心的去爱你，
不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了。
爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你，
我想同样的，
不再爱你的时候也没办法假装爱你了。

不见了的爱，是真的找不回来的。

不一定是100% 爱着才能在一起，
不一定是100%不爱了才会选择离开。

即然比此之间有了决定，希望不会带来遗憾。

单枪匹马

在慢慢习惯了孤独的时候，
我好像已爱上了孤独。
不经意发现在我的骨子里，
言行举止里，都有着它的踪影。
想挥也挥不去。。
想悄悄的逃離，卻始終抽不離.
是我留著它，還是它留著我？

for whom the bells tolls..

今天又有朋友告诉我她要当新娘了。。



xxx: jac!!
inoka: ??
xxx: im getting married!! he proposed to me last nite..
inoka: wah..
inoka: congratz...
xxx: so happy u knoe.. after so long. finally can buy house have babies!!
inoka: haha
inoka: how he proposed de?
xxx: dinner at chijmes then we toking abt our future. then he ask me marry him lor. he say is time we apply for a flat n start a family.
inoka: eh
inoka: like dat oso can? lolx
inoka: simi proposal lai de..
inoka: tmd..
inoka: lolx
xxx: mmm, ok lah. haha together so long, i thought he'd never ask.
inoka: zzzz
inoka: aiya
inoka: u happy can le lolx
xxx: ;p
inoka: u ah
inoka: dyin to marry him i noe. lolx
xxx: not dying lah!!
inoka: no meh?
xxx: he quite good catch. dun marry him marry who? hahaha
inoka: ....

我好像不知还应该说什么。
不多说些什么，也许就是我对她最好的祝福吧。

近来听到男婚女嫁的三大理由：
两人趁屋价不是太高，早点买房子。
想结婚，是想要一个孩子。
对方条件不错，能给予稳定的生活。

我仿佛以经很久很久没听到有人说，他要结婚是为很爱很爱一个人。
很想很想和那个人永远永远的在一起。。
或许生活便是如此， 没有完美，没有永远。