2nd blog-versary

i jus realized dat yesterday, tis blog will celebrate 2 yrs in xistence. 2 yrs ago, i started tis blog for fun and wif the intent dat i wld blog like nobody's readin... tis place helped me get my feelins, my angst out in the world, even in the smallest way. infact, wif quite a few readin em now! thnx, to all, for being part of tis journey.

tis 2 yrs, its amazin how ive paid attention to the little details dat happened so i could trace. i guess now my heart’s trained to function somewat like my k800i, takin pics of moments dat i save in the back of my consciousness, to be recalled when im searchin for dat inspiration to blog. also, i guess im learnin to settle in peace of whr i am in life. prayin hard thr will no longer be the disastrous fire in my belly. learn to live in contentment, day to day. learn how to stuff all of my unhappiness into a hole and cover em up. im not altogether optimistic abt tis but it seems to be the onli practical ting to try. in any case, happy blog-versary to me. ha!

Until you understand that stars as more than just points of light in the heavens. William Shakespear

ASSHOLIC BITCH

WHOIS in the pic:

- BIG FAT ASS Madeline, my sales&marketing VP

- pretty Ada, "almost fully" hidden by the fat V(ery) P(iggish) old fart

Talented Photographer : Liz

SHE, Madeline IS SUCH AN ASSHOLIC BACKSTABBER! KNNZ!

I IS FUCKIN HATE HER NOW!

actualli ok la, dun tink she will hate me any lesser aft our urgent discipline meetin earlier. lolx..
now close yr eyes and imagine her, adjusting her ah ma panties with a series of LOUD “piaks” infront of every1, and i meant every1!!! faintz.. tis kind oso can be VP.. 老天 no eyes.. grrrrr…

gary: thr r some issues madeline has abt u and we shld resolve tis once and for all.. lets hear from her and you can voice out if thr's any later.

old fart: shes oways late, earliest is 10.30am. go see clients no update and report. if realli sick sure doc will gib mc.. i no see any mc. delay work i assigned to her. openly take resignation template from liz.. chat abt negative tings abt our companies with the gals, bad energies. oways in the office with the gals 话中有话 tok abt me. u tink i stupid?

meme: my turn??

meme: yes i oways late, but whr got earliest 10.30? u got reach office very early meh? i reach early u no see coz u yrself oso very late ma. u oso oways pa pa run.. no1 noe whr u go oso rite.. i go see clients got report de k, no report to u coz last time i report to u.. u bad mood, tell me i adult.. no need everyting report u, update u, so long tings r being done. now wat? u wan report go Yserver find la..

old fart: ......

meme: i sick u no see my mc dun mean i nvr see doc and thus no mc.. is i haben pass u onli.. dun accuse me. if ur so concern abt me resignin, u can oways ask me why and when im resignin ma. if u bother to ask, u will find out im not the 1 resignin, im jus gettin the template for friend. den it will save u some embarrasment reportin wrong facts to our boss.

old fart: ...

meme: we have same amt of work harlow.. everytime u oso say tis 1 u do dat 1 u do.. end up oso ask me do your load.. did i not do? but u oways like to last min. den pissed every1 off den i hafta clean up yr mess for u.. u tink easy?? delay wat?

old fart: zzzz

gary: mayb we shld work on how to resolve tis now..

meme: wait, lemme finish wat i wanna say la. since we oready at tis. u say i can say de.. *roll eyes* u yrself no tok abt how bad tis company is? u nvr once mentioned u oso do until very pek chek? if u dunwan us to behave like dat, tok like dat den u mus be good example ma.. whr got 话中有话? on wat? say la!

old fart: i say wat u no need listen wat...

meme: huh u say can we say cannot? aiya, you at tis position, if u dunno someting, every1 oso glady help u, teach u.. (many times) but u dunno u dunwan learn.. everyting oso eh liz ah eh ada help me.. even simple ting like printin frm yr laptop oso dunwan learn... u not the onli one workin, every1 oso got many tings to do. u dunwan pple say u, do someting abt it loh..

old fart: ..........................................................

oh yes, tok to her mus tok like tis if not she wun noe wat tokin me. lolx coz got once she was complainin to gary on a certain issue abt a french lady... she went abt like dat.. "i dunwan touch tis issue, let maranda go touch herself..."

every1 listenin almost die laffin..

ok, im done for now. goin hm ler..

我累了

本来，我的存在因为你寂寞。你的存在也因我空虚。后来，两个孤独的人恋爱了。却用了好多好多的眼泪才发现，原来，我们之间有的，剩的，只是孤寞时的挥霍交易。今天，我的心彻底被一扫而空。对于不再属于自己的，放手真的只是时间问题。所以，请你在我该走的时候不要留我。为你，我没有任何权利承担你的承诺。。

me myself and me.. only

i fuckin hate when everyone asks me "wats wrong?" it drives me insane. if im pissed off, jus leave me alone, dun annoy me anymore by askin me qns. jus let me be mad. ill get over it eventualli. ive oso realized now, thr is no such tings as retribution. good pple dun haf good ends. they jus happen to haf more friends along their way.

no need to apologise. we all haf our reasons..

What power has love but forgiveness? In other words by its intervention what has been done can be undone. What good is it otherwise? – William Carlos Williams of ASPHODEL, THAY GREENY FLOWER

how do u mend a broken heart....

cOLD says: *sniff sniffss*
inoka says: heyhey..
cOLD says: i have a question ask u.
cOLD says: do u think one can die from a broken heart?
inoka says: hard but possible?
inoka says: heartache = dpression = weakens immune system
inoka says: being dpressed can make u die frm simple diseases
inoka says: those dat u wld normally jus take a pill and be done wif it..
inoka says: so hor
inoka says: technically.. yes u can ba.
inoka says: y ah.. yr heart very pain nw?
cOLD says: nope.
inoka says: chey!
inoka says: den y u ask?
cOLD says: not pain doesn’t mean my heart’s not dying.
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: wey u ok ma?
cOLD says: ok. just very emotionally cold.
cOLD says: very tired
inoka says: go rest la..
cOLD says: of living,

cOLD says: of being alone.
inoka says: …
inoka says: i noe of top 10 ways to die
inoka says: u wanna hear abt em?
cOLD says: nah
inoka says: … tink u go slp better la
cOLD says: it is really better to love and lost then to have never loved at all?
inoka says: eh…

i struggle wif dat qns, im not sure. in a way it is, but at the same time its not?
funny isnt it? thr are soo many frens and pple ard us... yet, sometimes, we... i... i feel like thr is no one who is realli out thr who tinks the way i tink, no one who cares as much as i do... i tink ive oready accepted dat thr will nvr be any1 who makes me feel like im a part of dual being. thr is a handsome man who adores me. hes kind inside, and cute outside, but im still looking for someting, someting perfect? yet, despite the fact dat i noe it probably nvr will happen, im still lookin... dun we all feel lonely sometimes?

"Why is it that only in the very beginnings of a relationship are you aware of the heat coming from inside a person, of the number of inches you would have to move for your shoulders to brush as if it were an accident?" quote frm Mercy - Jodi Picoult

unrealistic warmth

“When you love someone, you put their needs way before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces.” quote frm The Pact

ive oways thot ive seen it all. mayb the truth was, i haven seen anyting yet, it gets much worse everytime i sit here reflectin, sleepless and alone. i nvr knew killin oneself can be so tragically beautiful, to disappear like sand thru a sieve..

*gasp* i sounded suicidal. nope, i hope not. jus dat my bad flu took over my nostrils and i cant breathe very well now. doesnt help dat im coughin jus as badly. hates it when medication wun even help you. fuckin doctors! *sigh* i guess when we are sick, negative thots could easily step into our mind, unknowingly.

wait, hey i haf a qns. will you, ever love me enuff to kill me if i ask you to?

i miss the gal5.. i better go to bed.

她心的惶恐

Her blog entry..

I know it can't really be coming much from work stress cause these few weeks hadn't been much projects at all. Maybe is this pre-ROM jitters? Or is it that I am having second thoughts? Is all these normal?

我也许不太懂你与他的爱情。
但，你们很快就有情人终成眷属了。
可，你的心依然那么不塌实。
忧郁不安在你的脑海里转。
看在眼里，也为了你的难过而难过。

怎么了？

是害怕会后悔吗？

如果是你一直把结婚想的太简单，
如果这是错误的开始，
如果这只是擦肩而过的姻缘，
你该怎么办。。

太多的如果只会让你陷入忧伤不堪的无底洞。
我只知道，爱只是一瞬间的感觉。
但身为女人的我们却会为这一瞬间从此把心封锁。
如果新郎官不是今天的他，
对你，也许也没有任何意义了。

其实有很多的时候，
人，在经历过以后就会发现，
原来事情并没有太复杂。
只是当时的我们，
把太多想象的东西加进去了。。

别为了具有致命吸引力的梦幻婚礼着魔。
试着静下来，走近自己，走进心灵。
然后，带上你的勇气，

去做最幸福的新娘！