2nd blog-versary

i jus realized dat yesterday, tis blog will celebrate 2 yrs in xistence. 2 yrs ago, i started tis blog for fun and wif the intent dat i wld blog like nobody's readin... tis place helped me get my feelins, my angst out in the world, even in the smallest way. infact, wif quite a few readin em now! thnx, to all, for being part of tis journey.

tis 2 yrs, its amazin how ive paid attention to the little details dat happened so i could trace. i guess now my heart’s trained to function somewat like my k800i, takin pics of moments dat i save in the back of my consciousness, to be recalled when im searchin for dat inspiration to blog. also, i guess im learnin to settle in peace of whr i am in life. prayin hard thr will no longer be the disastrous fire in my belly. learn to live in contentment, day to day. learn how to stuff all of my unhappiness into a hole and cover em up. im not altogether optimistic abt tis but it seems to be the onli practical ting to try. in any case, happy blog-versary to me. ha!

Until you understand that stars as more than just points of light in the heavens. William Shakespear

ASSHOLIC BITCH

WHOIS in the pic:

- BIG FAT ASS Madeline, my sales&marketing VP

- pretty Ada, "almost fully" hidden by the fat V(ery) P(iggish) old fart

Talented Photographer : Liz

SHE, Madeline IS SUCH AN ASSHOLIC BACKSTABBER! KNNZ!

I IS FUCKIN HATE HER NOW!

actualli ok la, dun tink she will hate me any lesser aft our urgent discipline meetin earlier. lolx..
now close yr eyes and imagine her, adjusting her ah ma panties with a series of LOUD “piaks” infront of every1, and i meant every1!!! faintz.. tis kind oso can be VP.. 老天 no eyes.. grrrrr…

gary: thr r some issues madeline has abt u and we shld resolve tis once and for all.. lets hear from her and you can voice out if thr's any later.

old fart: shes oways late, earliest is 10.30am. go see clients no update and report. if realli sick sure doc will gib mc.. i no see any mc. delay work i assigned to her. openly take resignation template from liz.. chat abt negative tings abt our companies with the gals, bad energies. oways in the office with the gals 话中有话 tok abt me. u tink i stupid?

meme: my turn??

meme: yes i oways late, but whr got earliest 10.30? u got reach office very early meh? i reach early u no see coz u yrself oso very late ma. u oso oways pa pa run.. no1 noe whr u go oso rite.. i go see clients got report de k, no report to u coz last time i report to u.. u bad mood, tell me i adult.. no need everyting report u, update u, so long tings r being done. now wat? u wan report go Yserver find la..

old fart: ......

meme: i sick u no see my mc dun mean i nvr see doc and thus no mc.. is i haben pass u onli.. dun accuse me. if ur so concern abt me resignin, u can oways ask me why and when im resignin ma. if u bother to ask, u will find out im not the 1 resignin, im jus gettin the template for friend. den it will save u some embarrasment reportin wrong facts to our boss.

old fart: ...

meme: we have same amt of work harlow.. everytime u oso say tis 1 u do dat 1 u do.. end up oso ask me do your load.. did i not do? but u oways like to last min. den pissed every1 off den i hafta clean up yr mess for u.. u tink easy?? delay wat?

old fart: zzzz

gary: mayb we shld work on how to resolve tis now..

meme: wait, lemme finish wat i wanna say la. since we oready at tis. u say i can say de.. *roll eyes* u yrself no tok abt how bad tis company is? u nvr once mentioned u oso do until very pek chek? if u dunwan us to behave like dat, tok like dat den u mus be good example ma.. whr got 话中有话? on wat? say la!

old fart: i say wat u no need listen wat...

meme: huh u say can we say cannot? aiya, you at tis position, if u dunno someting, every1 oso glady help u, teach u.. (many times) but u dunno u dunwan learn.. everyting oso eh liz ah eh ada help me.. even simple ting like printin frm yr laptop oso dunwan learn... u not the onli one workin, every1 oso got many tings to do. u dunwan pple say u, do someting abt it loh..

old fart: ..........................................................

oh yes, tok to her mus tok like tis if not she wun noe wat tokin me. lolx coz got once she was complainin to gary on a certain issue abt a french lady... she went abt like dat.. "i dunwan touch tis issue, let maranda go touch herself..."

every1 listenin almost die laffin..

ok, im done for now. goin hm ler..

我累了

本来，我的存在因为你寂寞。你的存在也因我空虚。后来，两个孤独的人恋爱了。却用了好多好多的眼泪才发现，原来，我们之间有的，剩的，只是孤寞时的挥霍交易。今天，我的心彻底被一扫而空。对于不再属于自己的，放手真的只是时间问题。所以，请你在我该走的时候不要留我。为你，我没有任何权利承担你的承诺。。

me myself and me.. only

i fuckin hate when everyone asks me "wats wrong?" it drives me insane. if im pissed off, jus leave me alone, dun annoy me anymore by askin me qns. jus let me be mad. ill get over it eventualli. ive oso realized now, thr is no such tings as retribution. good pple dun haf good ends. they jus happen to haf more friends along their way.

no need to apologise. we all haf our reasons..

What power has love but forgiveness? In other words by its intervention what has been done can be undone. What good is it otherwise? – William Carlos Williams of ASPHODEL, THAY GREENY FLOWER

how do u mend a broken heart....

cOLD says: *sniff sniffss*
inoka says: heyhey..
cOLD says: i have a question ask u.
cOLD says: do u think one can die from a broken heart?
inoka says: hard but possible?
inoka says: heartache = dpression = weakens immune system
inoka says: being dpressed can make u die frm simple diseases
inoka says: those dat u wld normally jus take a pill and be done wif it..
inoka says: so hor
inoka says: technically.. yes u can ba.
inoka says: y ah.. yr heart very pain nw?
cOLD says: nope.
inoka says: chey!
inoka says: den y u ask?
cOLD says: not pain doesn’t mean my heart’s not dying.
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: wey u ok ma?
cOLD says: ok. just very emotionally cold.
cOLD says: very tired
inoka says: go rest la..
cOLD says: of living,

cOLD says: of being alone.
inoka says: …
inoka says: i noe of top 10 ways to die
inoka says: u wanna hear abt em?
cOLD says: nah
inoka says: … tink u go slp better la
cOLD says: it is really better to love and lost then to have never loved at all?
inoka says: eh…

i struggle wif dat qns, im not sure. in a way it is, but at the same time its not?
funny isnt it? thr are soo many frens and pple ard us... yet, sometimes, we... i... i feel like thr is no one who is realli out thr who tinks the way i tink, no one who cares as much as i do... i tink ive oready accepted dat thr will nvr be any1 who makes me feel like im a part of dual being. thr is a handsome man who adores me. hes kind inside, and cute outside, but im still looking for someting, someting perfect? yet, despite the fact dat i noe it probably nvr will happen, im still lookin... dun we all feel lonely sometimes?

"Why is it that only in the very beginnings of a relationship are you aware of the heat coming from inside a person, of the number of inches you would have to move for your shoulders to brush as if it were an accident?" quote frm Mercy - Jodi Picoult

unrealistic warmth

“When you love someone, you put their needs way before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces.” quote frm The Pact

ive oways thot ive seen it all. mayb the truth was, i haven seen anyting yet, it gets much worse everytime i sit here reflectin, sleepless and alone. i nvr knew killin oneself can be so tragically beautiful, to disappear like sand thru a sieve..

*gasp* i sounded suicidal. nope, i hope not. jus dat my bad flu took over my nostrils and i cant breathe very well now. doesnt help dat im coughin jus as badly. hates it when medication wun even help you. fuckin doctors! *sigh* i guess when we are sick, negative thots could easily step into our mind, unknowingly.

wait, hey i haf a qns. will you, ever love me enuff to kill me if i ask you to?

i miss the gal5.. i better go to bed.

她心的惶恐

Her blog entry..

I know it can't really be coming much from work stress cause these few weeks hadn't been much projects at all. Maybe is this pre-ROM jitters? Or is it that I am having second thoughts? Is all these normal?

我也许不太懂你与他的爱情。
但，你们很快就有情人终成眷属了。
可，你的心依然那么不塌实。
忧郁不安在你的脑海里转。
看在眼里，也为了你的难过而难过。

怎么了？

是害怕会后悔吗？

如果是你一直把结婚想的太简单，
如果这是错误的开始，
如果这只是擦肩而过的姻缘，
你该怎么办。。

太多的如果只会让你陷入忧伤不堪的无底洞。
我只知道，爱只是一瞬间的感觉。
但身为女人的我们却会为这一瞬间从此把心封锁。
如果新郎官不是今天的他，
对你，也许也没有任何意义了。

其实有很多的时候，
人，在经历过以后就会发现，
原来事情并没有太复杂。
只是当时的我们，
把太多想象的东西加进去了。。

别为了具有致命吸引力的梦幻婚礼着魔。
试着静下来，走近自己，走进心灵。
然后，带上你的勇气，

去做最幸福的新娘！

a little someting frm a cabbie

got on a cab and saw a container full of complimentary fortune cookies. me being as polite as ever, i asked the cabbie if i could help myself to one..

driver: “you sin-ga-por 人?”

meme: “erm.. yes, why?”

driver: “oh.. no la. onli tourists or ang mos will wan to take. Sin-ga-por 人 all very shy one..”

meme: “………………….”

ok, so i thot frm dat very moment, i became one of the rare *buey paiseh* Sin-ga-por 人 aftall.. lolx i gobbled the treat and then read my fortune. it says im on my way to startin someting new! perhaps its onli coincidence dat im actualli on my way, first time to see my potential customer, alone. it sounds lucky to me. lolx so i stashed the message in my bag, vowed not to throw it away til my fortune came true. hehz.. and oh in case you wanna noe, yes, i closed dat deal.. good rite? lolx

was sharing tis incident wif my colleagues and my vp, madeline was so skeptical!

madeline: “wat! you dare dare take n eat? wat if got 迷药 how?”

meme: “huh, where will la..”

madeline: “eh u nvr noe, i dun even dare take sweets frm the driver if he ever offer me.”

liz: “those cookies all pre-packed one la! so easy wan to drug pple meh?!” *roll eyes*

erm who will wanna drug her.. i was amused..

心里能装着的

男人男人，怎么还没有睡去。

我的心，因你而伤。

想狠心对你不闻，不问。

可是，还是这样念着你。。

我不断在回想着过去。

假如一切都没因为你而开始，

现在会有着一个什么样的结局？

如果告诉你，我能够轻易的转身走开。

不告别，不回头。 你信吗？

30 大寿

为什么？
当你希望时间的脚步放慢的时候，它却反而加速脚步，毫不留情的吞噬你奢望永远青春的小幸福。避近三十，日子更是难熬。八月二十三那天，终究还是来了。。

my very 第一个 bday present from joey. a wallpaper wif my nick, specially designed by him for me.. it was very sweet of him la.. 真让人感动!

it was a bday dinner for gary at jumbo and my task was to lure him to smoke, so the gals can prepare his cake n present.. wat i 打死没料到 was they actualli planned it as a surprise bday celebration for me as well. i was speechless when i saw the 65 candles and names on the cake. the gals, my dearest.. alot up their sleeves..

the gals bought me jodi picoult's novel. they very smart and cunnin hor, buy for me but all get to read!! anyway, tink i better stay away frm mj.. get 书 for bday wait gamble will 输输输!!! faintz..

angela! wat can i possibly say abt my darlin sis? she said i had too many pair of shoes.. yet she went thru trouble to find the two pairs i wanted to buy but din as no sizes, for my bday present. god, i love her so much…wif or wifout the heels, of coz!

ok i noe, i complained a lot abt her, shes quite irri at times, nono, most time. other den dat, shes quite a sincere nice lady la. and, i was surprised when she bought me someting, a pig cushion. oh she, i was referrin to my vp, madeline.

2^nd present frm joey, wootz!! he noes wat i fancy now. tis man pays attention to everyting. he noes i simply love her books now! he chose tis title coz i abit 变态的, like killin, death, murder type.. liz says its one of her best books. oh yes, i wld need a magnifyin glasses to see wat he wrote on the two 相思豆s！

mr guy, who r you? whr you come frm?? grrrr… 天啊, anonymous roses and doggy frm? searchin high and low wifout an ans. yet, somehow i felt tis closeness wif the sender.. i wld guess its S, so hey, if its you. call me!

walkin balloon dog! ok, i haf not seen tis ard and its so cute! 很山龟 rite? i even leash it ard the office.. so funny.. kaka. thanks to liz and her yandao hunky bf, marcus, i had so much fun wif tis guardian pooch!

another major surprise, 99 roses frm jon! gosh, i haf nvr received roses dat many! its huge and pretty and i had to leave it in the office over the weekend.. sad! the hand written card made me smile.. but aft knowin the pricey roses can match up to 2+ birkenstocks, i almost fainted. lolx..

the gals gave me another surprise! no wonder ask me nice or not la when liz was tryin on.its meant for me! they bought me tis top frm gg5, very very very lovely, very very me! 早知道all i oso say NICE!! hahaa…

after dinner on my bday, together wif jon, we met adrian, angela, eug, kel, julia, von, gomes, meow for kopi at tcc. they shared and got me a mp3, latest by samsung and a musical bell bell i oways wanted :) usually, bday is pple treat me, onli em ah, i hafta treat kopi and its not cheap k! $163!!.. faintz.. 真是的！

还有那些 sms 祝贺我的人，谢了！我把这天写下因为未来是不可预见的。我明白，人与人的相遇，是刹那。人与人的相聚，也非永恒。只怕下一秒，已 物是人非。。

麻烦鬼

The MAFANGUI by JOEY

“my dear, you need only look into your own darkness-enshrouded spirit to find your soul..”

sometimes we forget the importance of the world inside of us. we go thru life so consumed with thots and work dat we forget the beauty dat existed in us. today, he showed me how he saw me. he saw beauty in me..

如此的熟悉

Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, which remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words -- Rainer Maria Rilke

鸵心

姓高的说我是属鸵鸟的。每当要面对莫事莫人或感觉有丝毫不对时，就只会逃避。我只知道逃。我不知我是不是在替另外一个人活着。当我醒来或者等某人醒来，来接替自己，继续逃。其实我也不知道自己为何要逃，在逃些什么。

也许都快三十了，自己还似个天真的孩子，单纯的想要追求完美，想把自己心里的天堂棲身缩沦为现实。偏偏现在的生活几乎有种把我打垮的能量，让我连呼吸都越来越沉重。我想我要逃，会逃，也只是因为对活着的点点失望。。

trixie..

~ It was no coincidence that fear could move a person to extremes, just as seamlessly as love. They were the conjoined twins of emotion: if you didn't know what was at stake to lose, you had nothing to fight for. ~ quote frm The Tenth Circle

The Tenth Circle & My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

its been INTENSE and AMAZIN and HEARTBREAKIN and almost all-encompassin. everyting she wrote, moved me to tears..

tears for fear

haf you ever wake and felt like you cried for a hundred years in your dreams but you dun remember why?

again, i woke up tired, horrified and saddened, wif tear-filled eyes and even aft am back into awaken realm, my tears would not, could not stop... i nvr knew one can literally cry til they cant cry anymore. i tried to recall wat was the dream abt, but i cant. instead, it gave me a bad headache. damn, tis is mentally exhaustin...

it doesn’t seem to end...

憾

在[好听]看到有一人这样写着：
越来越多人在不同的城市间奔波，却不知道哪里才是自己的归属。越来越多人游移在不同的感情关系中，却还是觉得孤单。想追求的越来越多，却不知道哪个是自己该有的方向。得到的好像也越来越多，却始终还是觉得心里有个缺口。

读的瞬间，心似乎凝结了，有一丝不解的难过。
反思后才深知。原来，我就是那越来越多人里的其中一个。

back to work..

ok it's been awhile now since ive started on my new job at the wellness group. infact dat oso meant im startin to learn to take the train, rather den cabbies every mornin. ive got joanne breathin down my neck if i dun try!!! grrr..

take the north line to work "almost" everyday now (ive tried, at least) and i see lot of funny tings. i see women who went to work wif wet hairs?! haf their hair washed but dun haf enuff time to dry.. faint. i see women who puts on their make-ups while travellin. why cant they finish their face while at hm? perhaps dats why im usualli late.. spendin time makin sure i look fine bfore i leaves hm. lolx. sees quite a few caucasians goin to work. seemed thr are more foreigners workin in sg these days. infact, we haf 2 french fries (liz call em dat) in our lower delta office and another 2 at kim yan's office.

my office has free 100% certified organic tea for our consumption. haben realli drink it daily for gd health. yet, reckon i might pick up coffee aft all.. at the rate those slpy meetins are goin wif my VP. lolx

im tryin to update my outfits to be more sales-lady-like. those "asme" style dun realli suits here if i need to go and see BIG clients.. i mean realli classy type of clients. (those kind my french lady sophie calls: kill-ustomers! ha!) now i tink business casual is more appropriate. lolx so need to grab more heels, more OL skirts. a good reason to shop! yay!

the 1 good ting is, my pc is alot faster den the old 1 at previous job. dat shld make my job smoother. honestly i dun like it when i haf to wait or losin my time with the slow pc issue. it sucks! oh and i brought my winter jacket to work. i felt like i sat outside in the winter for the whole day, every day!the air conditioning is too freakin cold!! *shrugs*

i haf also found one truth abt workin life. no matter whr u are, yr colleagues and bosses are important. thrs usualli no technical problems dat is beyond my abilities. it is complicated onli when we are tokin abt the system, the people, the organisation, and how they cooperate. now twg is tryin find a way to make the expansion process smooth and well organised. its realli tough now, tryin get everyting in place.

but i noe all in all.. gary is here, the gals are wif me. twg is a good place. ^^

诱惑

talk dirty to me my dearest you,
i wan to be yr fallen angel...

the D word

我好似病得不轻。
我也许患有“习惯性难过，非常忧郁症” 。

它就象无色无味的慢性巨毒侵略了我那随时都会疲惫不堪的心灵。
惝若我是真的明白人生短短，只要开心就好。
为何偏偏最办不到的，也只有如此。

莫非我太贪得无厌？眼前的幸福对我而言，根本是不足够的？

不知，不解，更是想不通。

悟

i finalli see wat ive become.
ive become the ting ive been fightin.
ive become the ting you desired.

ive become the ting you do not want.

one word, one bitter tear, my stilled tired heart, i lost my way..

缺

w.r.o.n.g ~ a word too harsh for my jaded heart..

无助

9 June

i had a very startlin nitemare. it instilled wat felt like very real fear. i jumped and rushed to her bedrm onli to find her missin.. her rm light was on. she went somewhr, in a hurry..

2pm she was havin her jab at nearby clinic.
4pm she started to vomit. i had to get her dinner so she can take her pills. liver mee-sua she said. went to bedok aft many smses, seekin for a liver mee-sua stall.
8pm adrian fetch me to bedok. bought the mee-sua, came home. she ate 2 mouthful and started to puke again. the pukin din stop.
9pm the boys and von came over for mj..
11pm wanted to send her to hospital. she refused.

10 June

12am to 4am all i could do was reheat her heat pad and constant checkin if she was any better.
635am my fone rang. its angela. she cant take the pain and requested to go haf another jab, same clinic. gp refused to jab her. insisted we send her to kk.
645am jon fetch us. 180 on CTE. i did not stop the speedin. my mind was somewhr else.
655am reached kk A&E, doc wanted her to stay for observation cos she might need blood transfusion. she refused. nutin the doc could do, gave her the jab she wanted.
745am took her oral medic for her, brought her home. she fell aslp in the car. 90 on CTE.
8am home. ready her heat pad. put her to bed.

she promised if the pain worsen, i can bring her back for admittance. i promised the doc, i will be thr to check on her for the next 2hrs.

yes im fuckin tired.. but i noe i cant fall slp. my eyes all red frm cryin. yes im fuckin devastated. tis is the hardest ting ive ever had to deal wif, witnessin her agony. i feel like my mind is all fallin apart. how else can i make her pain go away?

离别六月秋雨

今天她离开了。。

临别时还送我们一群可录音的乖乖小宝贝。
她用留言表达了她对我们的依依不舍，
留下似有伸出小拇指約定，一定会重聚的誓言。



在我们之间有一种很单纯很简单的爱。
不管我们付出多少都不会觉得太多，
也许是因为现实中真的太少太少，
我们才会这样奢望，才这样寄托，才这样让彼此感动。
我知我们对彼此的爱，早已封存在内心深处。

也正是因为她们的存在，这里才令我如此地留恋。。

真的，有一些人注定要相遇，不论此前相隔多么遥远，
处于多么不同的世界，有着怎样毫不相干的从前。
相遇，相惜以后，再也分不开。
所以我坚信她今日的离别不是结局。
我们七月相逢的那天一定会来临。

这样的我们，算不算幸运，在这里的定局之后，
找到了另一个属于我们六人的乐园。

好期待。。

依婷，你一定不可以忘了我们的约定！

我们等着你！

stilled

你对我的想念越来越严重。可你的心灵却变得越来越狭窄。
特别是到了一种可怕的程度，退进两难的程度。


要记住，谁都不是谁的谁。

salvation

每次来到自己的blog，心中都会涌出许多的感慨，比较之下才发现总是辛酸多过高兴。不知是否因自己是那类看得不是很开的类型，才须说出来解脱一下。他们说如有一些话无处可说时，可以在这里哭诉。不想说就用写的，心情自然会放松。但又好像不太合乎情理。

今天陪她去打针诊病，对望着她的痛苦，本来已压抑的情绪，又浮上心头。也许最近为了她的病，心里的奔波劳累一点都不好受。每天面对着的两大不知：不知该如何才能减轻她的痛，不知多少的“你还好吗”才不会让她觉得烦。真害怕自己有一天承受不了会崩溃，好像随时都可能会疯掉。幸好我还有那仅存的理智告诉自己要控制，要冷静。我深知道冲动的后果远远大于我与她能承受的伤害。相对于她，我受的委曲又算什么呢？

也许我应常常劝自己。生活中要顾虑的事太多太多了，能真正的去感受从中的真实真的好难，这点对于我来说根本就是奢望。也许只有静静地陪在她身边，默默的洗刷心里那份无奈。就会慢慢让自己变得更加坚强。

我说不清自己现在的感觉，很迷茫。我只求当她真真切切的康复时，我可以用很平静的心来看我所记录的人情与事故。看到此时此刻的文字，也许我会在那一瞬间，因自己的努力，她的坚强而感动。。

胡言乱语

as usual like most fridays, they will come over for mj and i will hide in my pc room. their laughters' very overwhelmin and warmth but somehow it made me feel sad.. it seems as if they are not realli here. but the fact remains.. they r very much here. its all my hallucinations. weird.

im tryin to realize wat is wrong wif me. or, i shld say why im doin wat i am doin. for the last few weeks ever since i stopped mj. ive been spendin more time den usual on my pc. at first, i spent time bloggin, or lookin up info, or readin journals. in the last few weeks though, i find myself jus sittin here and starin at the screen.. for hrs. HOURS.. and not doin much of anyting. im exhausted and i continue to sit here, jus starin at the screen. i guess i nvr will figure out why..

am i supposed to call dat "runnin a defragmentation" on the brain?



~ no one ever knows when they will no longer be ~

Liz the chicks-ball founder

few days ago, i was away for 2days, on mc coz fever.
when i left, some of my chicks look like tis.. nice n cute..


aft i returned to office, my chicks became like...
liz is so naughty! shireen not ard to play wif her.. she very bored!
she taped em up like ball n left it on my desk!!



now she's on leave, i wanna do sometin "nice" to her toys
as well la.. so, went to her over-crowded desk plannin..

lol!! she very smart la.. she saw it comin thus she

left us a note.. see! i tink ah i dunwan die young. so..


so dats the end of the story! lolx...

back to work. we play tml...

等待快乐的延续。。

他的班工桌，我那封迟早的辞呈

好久不写日记，也许不再有那个心情，也许心情有但是敲打键盘的心已远去，只能文字留在脑海，一闪而过。但，现在我要字字不漏的记下，记下我的决定，与她们的约定。

现在回顾那曾经的过去的，那一切点点滴滴的忙碌，喜悦，挫折，泪水。。我早已深深明了，我唯一的执着，唯一的不舍得，也只有她们。。

我要离开了，不是因为这里不美丽，是不想再面对一些总缠绕在心里的迷茫，外面世界大了，心却越来越小。
我要离开了，不是因为不想和她们呆在一起，是不愿一次次面对同样的局面。忍受上面的无理取闹一贯都是我们应该做的，但，什么事情，人总得有个限度。
我真的要离开了，我会带着一些眷恋，带上一起留下的回忆，从这不再属于我们的地方，悄然离开。

然而，我会将所有属于我们的酸甜苦辣全部变成最美的记忆，然后一切重新开始。用这漫漫的时间来磨练自己，用这漫漫的时间来等待她们，等待快乐的延续。。

my first..

such great honour to actualli haf my first "while drivin.. tyre punctured!" xperience wif EVO and on ECP! luckily meow n johan wif me. makes my almost 4hrs long waitin for the the loadin/unloadin of the car slightly less miserable.. faintz..


it was bfore exit of Rochor when the &^%$*! tyre decided to burst!
well, pple who r drivin, pls fix yr car if thr r some alignment issue.
no kiddin man..

took the toll truck 40 mins to reach us n nther hr + to actualli load the 4wheel drive evo!

gosh, so troublesome! thrs like ants everywhr and nowhr is safe frm em crawlin up our legs!

i was playin wif my fone, takin pics. aft sometime, they realised its gettin abit too dangerous and damn, i was ordered by both to stay away when the guy loadin the car.. so i could onli.. stay inside meow's car and peep frm a distance. lolx BORED!

the boys. johan n meow..

so cute the wheels! travellin ard wif the 4xtra wheels requires xtremely slow speed.

cant control the car frm swayin left rite on high speed.

finalli!!!! maryann safe and ready for changin of tyres first ting next mornin.

haha, maryann is the name we came up for his red evo, while waitin for the loadin.

nice rite!? hee..

every1 commented how lucky i was to haf some1 ard when all this happened..

yeah, i tot to myself. how fortunate i was... in a certain way. :P

면죄를 기다림

心，一直浮在空中。真差。

我想我是真的疲惫了。严重的疲惫了。那累到谷底的呐喊，连自己都听不到。
究竟怎样做才是对，才是最好？有人可以教教我吗？
很累，不想去想。。开始发现，也许我已爱上不和人接触的感觉。

感叹，原本是最近的距离，因为我的累，而陌生了。
原来，在无休止的等待里，什么都会变冷。。

沉沉睡去

i received a sms frm a long-time "no longer dat close" friend, G. She asked me if "ive heard". anytime some1 starts a conversation wif dat sentence, wif "did you hear abt...", it cant be good. so, i hadnt. i hadnt heard. and... it wasnt good.

so, back to the shockin news. some1 died. a mutual fren, some1's husband, a daddy.
he died. suddenly. almost tragically dead of a very sudden massive heart attack.

i was like, wat!? hes onli, almost young 30ish, abt my age.

as kids we learn to draw pretty hearts as art and as we grew older, we were taught of its importance. we knew it signifies love. yet, in all actual reality, our hearts is nvr pretty, oways bloody and fragil. and if oneday, it decided to stop, decided to clogged, it breaks down and we r screwed. its over. we r done.

many centuries ago, pple dun just die suddenly at tis age. they die alot older..
wat is happenin to us?

心里的迷茫

一个人的时候，难免会胡思乱想。幻想一些六根不静的事。
忽然想起这一些词，待嫁。婚纱。戒指。逃婚。然后私奔。。

一直都对私奔有着一种莫名的好感。紧紧的抓住那双不被认同的手，就能感受得到的心跳。那放逐天涯的美感，以爱为首，以日月为证，投抛一切现实和梦境，向着有山有水的地方行走。在彼此的小指间拴上细细的红绳，走过每一个相爱的春夏秋冬。我的心甘情愿。我的期许，我的静默守望。你，感受得到吗？

但如果真有那么一天，应该到哪儿去呢？
想了想，不如奔月球吧，据说那边只有一对情侣和一只玉兔，可以安居且远离人烟。。

高高在上

请不要因为爱上了一个人，就把自己放在了一个狭小的空间里。
请不要因为深爱着这个人，就把自己的双手禁锢在枷锁里。

请你一定不要。。

我

只是一只无奈的九尾狐，全身有彩红色毛皮的那种。

隐了姓埋了名

The worst things: — Egyptian proverb
To be in bed and sleep not, to want for one who comes not, to try to please and please not.

our 2days old new boss told me to haf a chat wif him today at 3pm. i onli had a straight no sorry im busy. me today is so sick of him pretendin dat he fuckin care, when he obviously dun. ok mayb he does, the onli difference was he probably cared abt how hes gonna keep our office together - his new job. i so wanna tell him dun waste my time, and most certainly, do not waste his. i sent him numerous emails wif plenty stuffs to follow up, for his "advisory" to speak. actualli, i tot to myself, wats thr for him to advise or perhaps change? everytin is ready, all i needed was green lights for go-ahead. i was fustrated coz i no like to communicate wif puppets. the instance he replied. it felt terrible. it hit me hard least unexpected. his signature..

Bryan Teh, ASME
Executive Director

lettin gary go has become an art i tot i haf gotten good at it. over the weeks if i could only make myself mean it mayb jus once, jus once... sighz

how etheral
our 2nd home
the familiar desk
his heh heh heh laffs
on my back lookin at the VPLs
how small
the attempts to move on
old faces disappeared
yesterday is lost

by his request, i post

today we haf a new boss.. his name is bryan duuno wat.. round round de (again), very sure of himself.. came in shake a few hands and said he will rem my smile.. duh! den... he disappeared! go whr, we duuno and i dun tink any of us care.. lolx so far, dats all for today!

JK very sweet, sent me a poem and he tinks its quite noobish but i tot it was nice! u dun find many men today who actualli bother to write a gal a poem.. no? oh and its veryyy long!! lolx.

I miss you when
your smile was real
heart-warming grin
the way it made me feel
I crave
I reminisce
the days when time is precious
Voices filled with laughter
and joyous glee
I yearn for all the times
those eyes stared into mine
deep, soulful, loving looks
nothing more sweet or divine
I ache for those days when
your embrace was strong
My feelings needless to say
for words cant explain it
this feelings just too real
I miss you so much
I cant wait to see your face
cuz when were together
my heart begins to race
When I'm with you
its like no one can get in my way,
Even when were apart
I think about you all day
diff inspirations
diff sources
only one which i seek
the only source of happiness
you and you alone
the goddess in my heart
i miss you

JK, tis works better den the "spider-flower" haha..

lemme post a few pics of the 6of us still in the office.

marv special-ordered some realli cute jelly-cheesecakes and we shared among the few of us. it was tasty and yes, the rest in the office DUN GET IT! wahhaha

more pictures.. lazy to write. lolx

like those "missy" frm red light district ma? lolx

gary and the gals...

ok la, gtg le.

灵2

† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
Who are u my lady?
Are u Venus herself incarnate?
Why does my heart miss a beat when u flicker ur eyes?
For u blind me with ur very smile, so dazzling to my heart.
Ignite me u have, when your cheeks are blushed,
For your delicate touch aflames my divine soul
Embrace me if u must, heartbeat against heartbeat,
Till the melody of the Universe ends.
† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
another 4 lines. I don't know wat to say.

灵

† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
Who are u my lady?
Are u Venus herself incarnate?
Why does my heart miss a beat when u flicker ur eyes?
For u blind me with ur very smile, so dazzling to my heart.

inoka says:
is dat poem for me?

† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
To Inoka:
Who are u my lady?
Are u Venus herself incarnate?
Why does my heart miss a beat when u flicker ur eyes?
For u blind me with ur very smile, so dazzling to my heart.

inoka says:
wow

† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
for some unknown mysterious reason, i find that u spark this creativity in me.
† L'ange Sans Ailes † Dans l'enfer je servirai says:
even I am amazed at how I come up with these words.

my sh 24/7

you had me conquered
beautiful unicorn you rode
across my deserted palace
magical nomad’s sword struck
orion’s arms and draco’s wings
two hearts united
you left me liberated
queen of my own snowflakes sanctuary
i reborn for you
my buffin king
into eternity

before the dream fades

im not good at ultimatums, so i canot say dat tis will be the last time i will be talkin abt us, but i haf been tryin to find a closure for tis whole issue abt leavin n partin but i could not let go. i was told to forget, to move on, to consider life better aft every1 moves on. but how is it possible aft meetin a bunch who combo-ed so well so much, who helped me to find my path when i was almost lost? so its cfm dat 1 by 1 is leavin, or at least dearest shir is, very soon.. infact, too soon! she simply cannot stand the lie-lector (newly appointed director) in da office. nxt i reckon wld be my darlin lizzie.. borin! borin!! written a testimonial for lizzie in friendster as below.

~ i fell in LOVE wif a wonderfully unique person. she was able to show me life thru her eyes, which was very diff frm anyting i haf ever experienced thru my own. seductive world of her imagination, i was able to enter lizzie's castle wif plentiful fond memories i knew, will nv be erased by time ~

liz,
fly away wif me
my dearest lizzie
on our devil fightin adventure
visions of perfect combos
driftin across infinity
enterin our dreams

for Shireen aft i learned abt her resignation

her journey alone begins
when she venture out the door
and i pray will ends when we walk back thru together
again, into the arms of our only man

din get to post this 2poems coz blogger was down. duuno y. everyting seemed to be so down on me recently.. grrr..

[我们的他]
他
早已化成了一只萤火虫
飞向了他期待中的焰火梦
留下苦涩的人
黯然泪下

[我们]
我们之间
有这一本厚厚的过去
对于无意中闯入的人
只是一本无字书
因为太多美好的世外桃源
我们只能
通通写在心底

the onli good news today was.. i finalli passed my class 3. i guess dats abt all.