wissy

when myths fades, wiss became a gal who naturally disappeared.
she had ceased to exist. it was not suicide, yet a cruel sudden death.
it was an error, someting they cant quite explain, in words or actions.

fuck you very much acclaim!

forbidden truth

"Stepping closer to her, he placed both hands on her slender shoulders. He lowered his head till his nose was nearly touching her head and took a deep breath. The scent of her hair was entralling, like the scent of a thousand flowers interwined together in the most beautiful unsion. He slid his hands along her shoulders, sliding down slowly along her arms till he found her palms. She responded, interlocking her fingers with his, letting him embrace her. She leaned back against his body, nestling her head just below his jaw. She had never felt so much comfort in a long time." written by Liquidfire

mr lf, am not quite up to writin like yrs, love like a fairy tale. the kind we imagined to be real. or perhaps its me. i jus dun remember once upon a fuckin time or understand any happily ever aft. i nvr found em but sometimes, i still look. yeah u shld try writin full time.

she lured him into the fittin room, wif a mischievous smirk and two buttons undone frm her dress.
he moved closer, grabbed her waist and left a string of scorchin kisses along her throat. as he sealed her lips to his wif a sweet suction, she swayed slightly, rubbin her hips against the fly of his pants. he was blissfully aroused by the time she took his hardness to her mouth wif so sweet a yearnin. lickin away every forbidden desire, every ragin thirst for her sins..

erm, i duuno how to continue. lolx

realm of silence

今天是你的生日。除了希望你会快乐，
我不晓得可以对你说的还剩些什么。
我始终，还是欠了一句，对不起。

不再

当心彻底死去的时候，我不知道，我还剩下了什么。

如果有一天，你能再走进我的世界，你一定会流泪，

因为那里都是你给的悲伤。

carpe diem

the past weeks ive been havin terrible emotions and my mind has been thinkin a lot. past, present or even future. cant believe it or cant accept it, i couldnt realli tell the difference. the future, im not quite ready. i cant see em at all. my past, the memories still so strict. ive yet to forget and let go. i seriously wonder is thr anywhr else i could be.. my soul dat used to bling bling doesnt shine anymore. i wonder if i could sparkle again. truth is, i wan to feel happier, i wan to be happy. but the more i pursue, the less it is within my grasp.

you saw all dat, din you lizzie? thr are so many kind words in dat card dat healed me at least once. readin it, i almost burst into tears. lotsa drops of pain and sorrow i drank when all dat was written was all dat i couldnt achieved. den silently i told myself my pain is no big deal. its no big deal, its no big deal.. no big deal. keep repeatin til its real. my life depends on tis. suddenly i realised its all abt tis, me tryin not to die.

i noe hope is onli an illusion but i guess, its time to be brave.

fade

mirror, mirror on the fuckin wall. who is the fairest of em all? “you dunno..” dats wat yr ans would be. well, lemme tell you a little secret. its not her..

screamin silently in pain on a daily expense. cryin in absolute vain became a bad habit. all these unbearable sadness, is onli drivin her insane. pls, she needs help. she prayed for amnesia. otherwise, pls gif her more pain den she could handle. make her hurt more. she is almost dead now anyway. tis pain is too much for her to take. can barely see. can hardly even breath.

she noes you do not want her here.
she will disappear she will disappear..

death would be merciful.

baby, when you think abt dat girl whose gone and dat moments lived forever. she hope you smile.

you will remember her de hor?

fools comfort

the sudden crash of thunder, those sudden movements and all the loud noises . ive become unused to it. i startle easily. i dunno why. i gotta stop the intruders. stop tryin to steal all dat is left in me. stop stealin my mind away.

i hate tis. i realli and truly hate all these..

fuck!

be..yond repa.....ir

Inoká Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië! says:

i read tis somewhr

Inoká Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië! says:

i tink it make sense

Inoká Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië! says:

a broken heart is like a broken mirror

it is better to leave it broken den hurt yrself tryin to fix it

Yvonne says:

wear glove to fix it lor

Yvonne says:

hurt is lessen

Inoká Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië! says:

like dat oso can

Yvonne says:

=p

Yvonne says:

tell me got crack i can accept lah

Yvonne says:

nt to fix it i dun agree

Inoká Nai elyë hiruva! Namárië! says:

haiz

Yvonne says:

but a cracked mirror which serves its purpose is nt all that bad

Yvonne says:

is whether u can accept looking at a crack mirror not

ive always thot thr will be enuff time, for wateva it was i was supposed to fix, given time.. but now i noe thr nvr was. cracked or broken, is irrelevant. either way, its still flawed. willin or not, eventualli discarded.

ive found my mirror.
all dat is left to do is break it.

depleted cure

am not talkin to myself

i hear the demon and angel debatin
they talk and talk and talk
so many of those i could i will i must not
on and on and on

their rantin is obvious
cant ignore em
so much to listen
so much noting
the truth they speak is everywhr
cept whr it belongs

it always come back deeper den it left
it still weights so much

turn off the monitor lights
stop seein wat isnt thr

let me go
i need to fall

sorrow is E.X.Q.U.I.S.I.T.E

kindness (inspired by jacin)
a compilation of whispers
dat are voiced
comin frm the heart

i dun realli remember or recognise ever bein truly happy. i do remember times i was distracted frm my discontent like durin fabulous sex. hehz. its not exactly depression. not quite sadness. mayb its jus who i am. i actualli take delight in genuine sorrow. not jus the sort dat comes frm bein hurt mentally, not jus frm bad gossips or love issues, not the kind of sadness frm personal problems. im talkin abt the sorrow shared wif the hoverin grey clouds dat gather outside the window on stormy evenins. even fallen leaves sadden me at times. generally, i is fell in love wif the sorrow dat builds up inside hearts becos there are no ans to the important qns of the loneliest. lets jus conclude dat mayb my memory is defective and it only saves the bad stuff. im sure thr haf to haf been good old happy times. thr haf to haf been and its my fault becos i haf forgotten how to remember em.

fallen (inspired by scarlet)
spiralin down slowly
slippin deeply
towards our deaths

i guess wat realli drove u or even me, more den misery is vanity. to be loved enuff and i supposed thr will be no happiness to be found in anyone until we first find it in ourselves. erm dat is, if we ever do. so at times, mayb it will be easier to live wif yrself if you can bypass the whole livin aspect. sometimes its better to be wat you haf become den to be who you are. dats wat i became. i fell in love wif sorrows, it became part of me. is like if you are out in the middle of the ocean you can try to swim back to shore, but whether you do or whether you dun is of little consequence. either way, you drown. its merely a matter of preference decidin if you want to die tryin or jus let it happen.

our CLOSURE

frm the moment we fell in love. it all went wrong. it always has been. becos i made it so. we started out wantin jus a little and soon we duuno how to escape it. even when we knew we had too much. i thot i was punishin myself when i left. i jus never imagined it could matter to him as well. sadly, he told me wat i needed to hear, and i believed him. coz i can hear him. everyting he never said. i cant make it rite, wouldnt even try. mayb im jus waitin for the rite time to say i dun remember..

so dun u remember, dun u dare. its not ours to keep anymore..

close enuff to happiness to noe tis wasnt it..

一直处于迷茫中，有一种感情无法对身边人诉说，因它来的那么突然，那么不该。但却又是那么真实。这种关系，有点暧昧，却不见得过分。倒像是我们之间原本就有的默契或者是谁欠了谁的，所以心甘情愿。我和他，看起来比友谊多，做起来又比爱情少。彼此需要才是存在的理由吧。一开始就知道没有结果，却傻傻的愿意在相互之间穿梭盘旋，让心中一直模糊的影子在现实中慢慢清晰。但，我们最终还是不同世界的人。

有人说，想永远拥有一份爱情的办法就是失去它。现在说出了，我们却疏远了。疏远的，连我们都不知道究竟是为什么。原本还可以当没变的我们，却疏远了。原来有些感情一旦冲出，我们便只能选择从此陌路。好像真的回不去了，因为我们其实都已经不再拥有最初的情感。我的执著与他的不肯定已经把我们改变了。

我也不知道怎么说。但要忘记一个很喜欢，很在乎，为他哭过的人，也许一辈子也忘不了。只有劝自己说。爱他，就希望他幸福。所以只有选择默默的，静静的，回忆着和他一起的开心，而不去打扰他。因为现在的我相信最深刻，最刻骨铭心的爱，不一定会陪着我们到老。。

说到这里，我心快被撕裂了。他，却依然看不见。

he was my fantasy
till he became reality
and disappeared

沉

its so easy to be ignorant when tucked onto a pillow, aslp. peaceful wif no trace of worries to see. its easy to find perspective in such beautiful loneliness. there are no heroes here. no villains. jus me. waitin for dream fairies to be lenient, bestowin me my deserved happily ever after...

两年

i cant.

you wont..

HOW?

me

I feel her loneliness, her emptiness and at the same time her longing for love that she somehow cannot achieve. I wonder has she lost faith in love or just that the "one" for her is lost somewhere? Or maybe the love she lusts for, does not exist in this realistic, cruel world at all......

你的担忧，我读不到一半，哭了。

你 想对我说的，我都明白。我不是没努力尝试去忘记该忘的，想忘的。结果还是徒劳无功的把那遗憾记的更清楚。我也很想在这深不见底的迷惘里，找个理由，让自己 浮上来。可，偏偏我却只找到了一大堆的理所当然，继续往下沉。可能我真的已经慢慢习惯，习惯了迷茫的活着，习惯了窒息的味道，习惯了那种慢慢下沉的感觉。

对你们而言，我感染的是伤感的疾病。一个已终生不愈的疾病。对我，那是我仅剩还可依赖的虚幻梦境。也正因为想一直留在这梦里，我就要习惯一个人。最后，我能为自己做的，是将那永远无法填补的空缺留下来。抱着它留给我的痛，安分守己的与心底最深处相依为命。。

empty abyss

i haf no idea how he look like, feel like, taste like.
yet, he is all i can tink of..
wake me up pls, i do not wan to dream any more.

it was noting beautiful.

two strangers catch eachother’s names,

yearnin for a story to begin.

it was a beautiful noting.

two strangers fall in love.

and den forget, eachother.

it was noting anyway.

jus strangers, in lover's clothes.

noting to say realli. everyting's a void. everyting's blank.
i guess if the feelin isnt real enuff for us to hold on to,
theres oways the option to let it fall.

空

saw tis online and i wonder..

A focus on existence
Existentialism tends to focus on the question of human existence — the feeling that there is no purpose, indeed nothing, at the core of existence. Finding a way to counter this nothingness, by embracing existence, is the fundamental theme of existentialism, and the root of the philosophy's name. Given that someone who believes in reality might be called a "realist", and someone who believes in a deity might be called a "deist", therefore someone who believes fundamentally only in existence, and seeks to find meaning in his or her life solely by embracing existence, is an existentialist.

am i? do i? can i? will i?

liz used to say when her pal gets drunk, she goes on autopilot. lets jus say wifout the influence of alcohol, is it possible to put ones self on autopilot mode? to shut down ones mind and move at a routine pace like a zombie or a robot. to tink of nothin. to see nothin. to feel nothin. to be nothin. to perceive wat one is told to tink. to witness wat one is onli supposed to see. to feel nothin and nothin seen. no emotions involved. no wilds thots destroyin the soul. nothin felt. a mere numb machine.

yes, if onli..

too deep..

我似无法好起来，
也没决定要往哪走。
所以，不能答应让你陪我。

08 and nothing else..

so now its 2008's eve. the very one nite its acceptable to drink as much as you wan. the very nite whr you make merry, pass out den wake up to a whole new yr. its jus begun and you can do watever you wan wif it..

frens are sendin me wishes for my new yr resolutions. pple make resolutions. to becum wat they perceive as “better pple”. ive nvr been able to make resolutions. i nvr could resolve anyting. not myself. nor anyone. the changin of dates, days, years, watever, nvr seemed to haf much impact, cept dat im sadden by being another yr older. sighz.. jus numerical and labels. guess dats wat they are. imaginary sign posts in our minds we use to reassure ourselves abt how far we haf gone.

why celebrate how one year melts into the nxt? so we could pretend it can help us alter ourselves when in reality, it only emphasizes how very stagnant we all are… everyting ard me is in constant flux and yet, we use festives like tis to tell ourselves we do change and perhaps can change. but the truth is, we are the one ting dat doesnt.

aww whr shall i go when this 2007 ends as it is nearin dat closure. circle back to the start. i hafta go, but whr can i go? whr does it lead me? i seriously dunno..

beautiful sorrows

深夜了，却突然醒来怎么也睡不着。

心里总觉得有些凉，或许是下雨的关系。因为雨天会让人觉得孤独。也或许是我太累了。累了是不需要理由的，人说累了不怕，怕只怕心累了。我不想再背负那么重的包袱，真的不想！好想告别一切的一切，一走了之，在也不回头。。

搞不清楚这是一种什么状况，总之很烦闷很压抑，找不到合适的方式来释放和理解。好像有许许多多的话想说，却不知要从何说起。不知道怎么去说，是不是就是无话可说的感觉？

天啊，要如何才能练到心如止水那种无上的境界？也许，心里能装着一些时间带不走的淡淡悲伤，也是一种属于自己的幸福。。

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
~ Dag Hammarskjold ~

挫

Death is patiently making my mask as I sleep. Each morning I awake to discover in the corners of my eyes the small tears of his wax. ~ Philip Dow ~

a funny ting happened on my way to recovery.

i didnt.

i imagine the healthy beats of my heart. as loud as i can. but still, nuthin changes. one step at a time i whisper.. one little step at a time, to breathe again.

im not dyin..
im not dyin.

not yet.

他说 its time to reformat..

姓高说的是电脑，我心在想的却是。。
要怎么像电脑一样，轻而易举的重装系统。
删除那些让自己扰人的记忆，让自己过得比较平静。。

人脑 reformat，真的行吗？

hk 2

they say distance nvr separates two hearts dat realli care, for memories span the miles and in seconds they will be thr. but i miss him when i was on the plane, when i was in hongkong the whole time. whenever i start feelin lost cuz i miss him, i remind myself how lucky i am to haf someone so special to miss..

on our way to hotel, no one was tokin at all.. i knew it will be tis way til we go home.

our pathetic room dat costed $300 per nite. Its so small!! breakfast i heard frm gary, was realli bad. the thot of me havin to share tis tiny room wif dat weirdo patricia, i nearly fainted..

Me and gary din realli noe whr to eat outside the exhibition area, so we walk aimlessly tryin to find food. saw the first cafe, we went in. i wonder if its owned by some mafia. lolx…

surprisingly the food was not bad at all.. i tink the best 小笼包 i ever had were these!! so much better den 鼎太峰!!! but eatin in hongkong is not cheap at all.. faintz

came across tis front of a pet shop when i went shoppin alone, i stopped and stared at it for the longest time. i realli like the 亲切感 frm the concept. awwww.. will i haf my own pet shop eventualli?

i nvr like the idea of eatin alone. infact i dun. yet alone on the streets, i reckon i din haf much choices. i went in to a 茶餐厅 and ordered an egg sandwich, red bean shake and started eatin, alone! despite all dat, my dinner was realli nice though..

dats me and realli nice gal, emily (long hair) and stupid patricia (in blue) who pissed gary off.. lolx. Aiya long story to tell here.

can u believe it when i said, no we did not have breakfasts, lunches and dinners wif patricia? not even once. mayb she hates us. maybe she has ugly eatin habits! anyway, for $20 sgd, i had a realli sumptuous beef steamboat dinner wif gary.

me and gary walkin and walkin to no whr.. i was realli tired..

stupid gary brought me to a cafe before we head off to airport on the last day, not to eat but to take pictures! faintz! dat was the so called famous cafe in hongkong but to me.. deco so so onli! TWG new café will look like tis? 天啊!

“Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human? Pointless, really…Do the stars gaze back? Now that’s a question…”

dats the openin line for the movie stardust. watched it on the plane back frm hk.. strongly recommended by gary. and true enuff, its realli quite a charmin movie! endin of tis movie is very much xpected, a happily ever aft..

“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. ” ~ Yvaine

time to shine!

hk

sumtimes you cant be taken to whr u wish or not to go.

no matter how hard you pull and push.

uninterested or afraid to go.

it probably doesnt matter.

you not free to choose.

bloom

i wonder why are roses so often compared to love…

mayb bcoz like love, their significance xists onli in the givin ba i guess. im not askin to be loved. i can do dat on my own. yet, the romantic nature of someone so sweet to me, who unselfishly sends me roses on non occasions, my heart dances. the mere idea of someone being so thoughtful, no strings attached, jus to take the time and effort to make me happy, jus blows me away!

fallen

我的无可奈何，你一点都不肯去体谅，还字字带刺。想把我哽到窒息，是你的用心良苦吗？只剩从心底深处发出的叹息，你听见了吗？

heavy wif sorrow
one by bitter one
they fall
till my exhausted heart
is stilled

mo chridhe

原来,我从来都没曾放下过。。

slpless inspiration

Jason & Chyuan
on the smokers porch
complaints snuffed
by a passin train

The Girls
6 gone 1
5 split 2
left lonely 3

Joey
dreamy on my pillow
miles away
he sings me to sleep

Madeline
obviously evilish
sitting there
oways wonderin
oways plannin
her next victim

i read a very wise phrase in the web:
“Nobody deserves your tears, and whoever deserves them will not make you cry.”

KL Beauty Expo 7

frm the time i leave hm for KL until i arrive back home i vacillates between disgust and amusement for havin to deal wif the endless masses of moronic behavior frm my VP.. of coz, i dun tink lizzie was spared frm the torture as well.. she was waken by her snorin so many times per nite! grrr... it wasnt an easy trip coz time crawls when we were thr.. luckily lizzie was wif me.. wat else can i ask for?

lizzie and myself makin ourselves very comfy in the first class coach for the 5 hrs long journey up to KL.. its not dat bad la, wif onli 16 single seaters wif massage functions + personal dvd player!

got seat belts somemore k! haha!

for a moment i thot i was on board a plane when over the speaker, “… tis is blah blah blah, yr cabin crew at yr service..” faintz.. got steward to serve coffee, tea and meal! not very appetizin la but can’t haf too high expectation i guess..

reached hotel and tis caught my attention coz i no get it.. i no get it at all la.. wats wif the menu description!! gearbox soup with spare parts?? funny pple wif funny culture!! or rather very "interestin" marketin??

absolutely in love wif tis pic! took it while we went for a quick shoppin at KLCC..

mus showcase our booth! it was in bad shape when we arrived and after some cleanin n etc, it turn out not bad la.. quite presentable. all we do whole time thr was jus stand & stand, sell & sell.. retailin is hard work man.. to those retail pple out thr, i salute you! i promise to be nicer to you! haha..

2nd blog-versary

i jus realized dat yesterday, tis blog will celebrate 2 yrs in xistence. 2 yrs ago, i started tis blog for fun and wif the intent dat i wld blog like nobody's readin... tis place helped me get my feelins, my angst out in the world, even in the smallest way. infact, wif quite a few readin em now! thnx, to all, for being part of tis journey.

tis 2 yrs, its amazin how ive paid attention to the little details dat happened so i could trace. i guess now my heart’s trained to function somewat like my k800i, takin pics of moments dat i save in the back of my consciousness, to be recalled when im searchin for dat inspiration to blog. also, i guess im learnin to settle in peace of whr i am in life. prayin hard thr will no longer be the disastrous fire in my belly. learn to live in contentment, day to day. learn how to stuff all of my unhappiness into a hole and cover em up. im not altogether optimistic abt tis but it seems to be the onli practical ting to try. in any case, happy blog-versary to me. ha!

Until you understand that stars as more than just points of light in the heavens. William Shakespear

ASSHOLIC BITCH

WHOIS in the pic:

- BIG FAT ASS Madeline, my sales&marketing VP

- pretty Ada, "almost fully" hidden by the fat V(ery) P(iggish) old fart

Talented Photographer : Liz

SHE, Madeline IS SUCH AN ASSHOLIC BACKSTABBER! KNNZ!

I IS FUCKIN HATE HER NOW!

actualli ok la, dun tink she will hate me any lesser aft our urgent discipline meetin earlier. lolx..
now close yr eyes and imagine her, adjusting her ah ma panties with a series of LOUD “piaks” infront of every1, and i meant every1!!! faintz.. tis kind oso can be VP.. 老天 no eyes.. grrrrr…

gary: thr r some issues madeline has abt u and we shld resolve tis once and for all.. lets hear from her and you can voice out if thr's any later.

old fart: shes oways late, earliest is 10.30am. go see clients no update and report. if realli sick sure doc will gib mc.. i no see any mc. delay work i assigned to her. openly take resignation template from liz.. chat abt negative tings abt our companies with the gals, bad energies. oways in the office with the gals 话中有话 tok abt me. u tink i stupid?

meme: my turn??

meme: yes i oways late, but whr got earliest 10.30? u got reach office very early meh? i reach early u no see coz u yrself oso very late ma. u oso oways pa pa run.. no1 noe whr u go oso rite.. i go see clients got report de k, no report to u coz last time i report to u.. u bad mood, tell me i adult.. no need everyting report u, update u, so long tings r being done. now wat? u wan report go Yserver find la..

old fart: ......

meme: i sick u no see my mc dun mean i nvr see doc and thus no mc.. is i haben pass u onli.. dun accuse me. if ur so concern abt me resignin, u can oways ask me why and when im resignin ma. if u bother to ask, u will find out im not the 1 resignin, im jus gettin the template for friend. den it will save u some embarrasment reportin wrong facts to our boss.

old fart: ...

meme: we have same amt of work harlow.. everytime u oso say tis 1 u do dat 1 u do.. end up oso ask me do your load.. did i not do? but u oways like to last min. den pissed every1 off den i hafta clean up yr mess for u.. u tink easy?? delay wat?

old fart: zzzz

gary: mayb we shld work on how to resolve tis now..

meme: wait, lemme finish wat i wanna say la. since we oready at tis. u say i can say de.. *roll eyes* u yrself no tok abt how bad tis company is? u nvr once mentioned u oso do until very pek chek? if u dunwan us to behave like dat, tok like dat den u mus be good example ma.. whr got 话中有话? on wat? say la!

old fart: i say wat u no need listen wat...

meme: huh u say can we say cannot? aiya, you at tis position, if u dunno someting, every1 oso glady help u, teach u.. (many times) but u dunno u dunwan learn.. everyting oso eh liz ah eh ada help me.. even simple ting like printin frm yr laptop oso dunwan learn... u not the onli one workin, every1 oso got many tings to do. u dunwan pple say u, do someting abt it loh..

old fart: ..........................................................

oh yes, tok to her mus tok like tis if not she wun noe wat tokin me. lolx coz got once she was complainin to gary on a certain issue abt a french lady... she went abt like dat.. "i dunwan touch tis issue, let maranda go touch herself..."

every1 listenin almost die laffin..

ok, im done for now. goin hm ler..

我累了

本来，我的存在因为你寂寞。你的存在也因我空虚。后来，两个孤独的人恋爱了。却用了好多好多的眼泪才发现，原来，我们之间有的，剩的，只是孤寞时的挥霍交易。今天，我的心彻底被一扫而空。对于不再属于自己的，放手真的只是时间问题。所以，请你在我该走的时候不要留我。为你，我没有任何权利承担你的承诺。。

me myself and me.. only

i fuckin hate when everyone asks me "wats wrong?" it drives me insane. if im pissed off, jus leave me alone, dun annoy me anymore by askin me qns. jus let me be mad. ill get over it eventualli. ive oso realized now, thr is no such tings as retribution. good pple dun haf good ends. they jus happen to haf more friends along their way.

no need to apologise. we all haf our reasons..

What power has love but forgiveness? In other words by its intervention what has been done can be undone. What good is it otherwise? – William Carlos Williams of ASPHODEL, THAY GREENY FLOWER

how do u mend a broken heart....

cOLD says: *sniff sniffss*
inoka says: heyhey..
cOLD says: i have a question ask u.
cOLD says: do u think one can die from a broken heart?
inoka says: hard but possible?
inoka says: heartache = dpression = weakens immune system
inoka says: being dpressed can make u die frm simple diseases
inoka says: those dat u wld normally jus take a pill and be done wif it..
inoka says: so hor
inoka says: technically.. yes u can ba.
inoka says: y ah.. yr heart very pain nw?
cOLD says: nope.
inoka says: chey!
inoka says: den y u ask?
cOLD says: not pain doesn’t mean my heart’s not dying.
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: wey u ok ma?
cOLD says: ok. just very emotionally cold.
cOLD says: very tired
inoka says: go rest la..
cOLD says: of living,

cOLD says: of being alone.
inoka says: …
inoka says: i noe of top 10 ways to die
inoka says: u wanna hear abt em?
cOLD says: nah
inoka says: … tink u go slp better la
cOLD says: it is really better to love and lost then to have never loved at all?
inoka says: eh…

i struggle wif dat qns, im not sure. in a way it is, but at the same time its not?
funny isnt it? thr are soo many frens and pple ard us... yet, sometimes, we... i... i feel like thr is no one who is realli out thr who tinks the way i tink, no one who cares as much as i do... i tink ive oready accepted dat thr will nvr be any1 who makes me feel like im a part of dual being. thr is a handsome man who adores me. hes kind inside, and cute outside, but im still looking for someting, someting perfect? yet, despite the fact dat i noe it probably nvr will happen, im still lookin... dun we all feel lonely sometimes?

"Why is it that only in the very beginnings of a relationship are you aware of the heat coming from inside a person, of the number of inches you would have to move for your shoulders to brush as if it were an accident?" quote frm Mercy - Jodi Picoult

unrealistic warmth

“When you love someone, you put their needs way before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces.” quote frm The Pact

ive oways thot ive seen it all. mayb the truth was, i haven seen anyting yet, it gets much worse everytime i sit here reflectin, sleepless and alone. i nvr knew killin oneself can be so tragically beautiful, to disappear like sand thru a sieve..

*gasp* i sounded suicidal. nope, i hope not. jus dat my bad flu took over my nostrils and i cant breathe very well now. doesnt help dat im coughin jus as badly. hates it when medication wun even help you. fuckin doctors! *sigh* i guess when we are sick, negative thots could easily step into our mind, unknowingly.

wait, hey i haf a qns. will you, ever love me enuff to kill me if i ask you to?

i miss the gal5.. i better go to bed.

她心的惶恐

Her blog entry..

I know it can't really be coming much from work stress cause these few weeks hadn't been much projects at all. Maybe is this pre-ROM jitters? Or is it that I am having second thoughts? Is all these normal?

我也许不太懂你与他的爱情。
但，你们很快就有情人终成眷属了。
可，你的心依然那么不塌实。
忧郁不安在你的脑海里转。
看在眼里，也为了你的难过而难过。

怎么了？

是害怕会后悔吗？

如果是你一直把结婚想的太简单，
如果这是错误的开始，
如果这只是擦肩而过的姻缘，
你该怎么办。。

太多的如果只会让你陷入忧伤不堪的无底洞。
我只知道，爱只是一瞬间的感觉。
但身为女人的我们却会为这一瞬间从此把心封锁。
如果新郎官不是今天的他，
对你，也许也没有任何意义了。

其实有很多的时候，
人，在经历过以后就会发现，
原来事情并没有太复杂。
只是当时的我们，
把太多想象的东西加进去了。。

别为了具有致命吸引力的梦幻婚礼着魔。
试着静下来，走近自己，走进心灵。
然后，带上你的勇气，

去做最幸福的新娘！

a little someting frm a cabbie

got on a cab and saw a container full of complimentary fortune cookies. me being as polite as ever, i asked the cabbie if i could help myself to one..

driver: “you sin-ga-por 人?”

meme: “erm.. yes, why?”

driver: “oh.. no la. onli tourists or ang mos will wan to take. Sin-ga-por 人 all very shy one..”

meme: “………………….”

ok, so i thot frm dat very moment, i became one of the rare *buey paiseh* Sin-ga-por 人 aftall.. lolx i gobbled the treat and then read my fortune. it says im on my way to startin someting new! perhaps its onli coincidence dat im actualli on my way, first time to see my potential customer, alone. it sounds lucky to me. lolx so i stashed the message in my bag, vowed not to throw it away til my fortune came true. hehz.. and oh in case you wanna noe, yes, i closed dat deal.. good rite? lolx

was sharing tis incident wif my colleagues and my vp, madeline was so skeptical!

madeline: “wat! you dare dare take n eat? wat if got 迷药 how?”

meme: “huh, where will la..”

madeline: “eh u nvr noe, i dun even dare take sweets frm the driver if he ever offer me.”

liz: “those cookies all pre-packed one la! so easy wan to drug pple meh?!” *roll eyes*

erm who will wanna drug her.. i was amused..

心里能装着的

男人男人，怎么还没有睡去。

我的心，因你而伤。

想狠心对你不闻，不问。

可是，还是这样念着你。。

我不断在回想着过去。

假如一切都没因为你而开始，

现在会有着一个什么样的结局？

如果告诉你，我能够轻易的转身走开。

不告别，不回头。 你信吗？

30 大寿

为什么？
当你希望时间的脚步放慢的时候，它却反而加速脚步，毫不留情的吞噬你奢望永远青春的小幸福。避近三十，日子更是难熬。八月二十三那天，终究还是来了。。

my very 第一个 bday present from joey. a wallpaper wif my nick, specially designed by him for me.. it was very sweet of him la.. 真让人感动!

it was a bday dinner for gary at jumbo and my task was to lure him to smoke, so the gals can prepare his cake n present.. wat i 打死没料到 was they actualli planned it as a surprise bday celebration for me as well. i was speechless when i saw the 65 candles and names on the cake. the gals, my dearest.. alot up their sleeves..

the gals bought me jodi picoult's novel. they very smart and cunnin hor, buy for me but all get to read!! anyway, tink i better stay away frm mj.. get 书 for bday wait gamble will 输输输!!! faintz..

angela! wat can i possibly say abt my darlin sis? she said i had too many pair of shoes.. yet she went thru trouble to find the two pairs i wanted to buy but din as no sizes, for my bday present. god, i love her so much…wif or wifout the heels, of coz!

ok i noe, i complained a lot abt her, shes quite irri at times, nono, most time. other den dat, shes quite a sincere nice lady la. and, i was surprised when she bought me someting, a pig cushion. oh she, i was referrin to my vp, madeline.

2^nd present frm joey, wootz!! he noes wat i fancy now. tis man pays attention to everyting. he noes i simply love her books now! he chose tis title coz i abit 变态的, like killin, death, murder type.. liz says its one of her best books. oh yes, i wld need a magnifyin glasses to see wat he wrote on the two 相思豆s！

mr guy, who r you? whr you come frm?? grrrr… 天啊, anonymous roses and doggy frm? searchin high and low wifout an ans. yet, somehow i felt tis closeness wif the sender.. i wld guess its S, so hey, if its you. call me!

walkin balloon dog! ok, i haf not seen tis ard and its so cute! 很山龟 rite? i even leash it ard the office.. so funny.. kaka. thanks to liz and her yandao hunky bf, marcus, i had so much fun wif tis guardian pooch!

another major surprise, 99 roses frm jon! gosh, i haf nvr received roses dat many! its huge and pretty and i had to leave it in the office over the weekend.. sad! the hand written card made me smile.. but aft knowin the pricey roses can match up to 2+ birkenstocks, i almost fainted. lolx..

the gals gave me another surprise! no wonder ask me nice or not la when liz was tryin on.its meant for me! they bought me tis top frm gg5, very very very lovely, very very me! 早知道all i oso say NICE!! hahaa…

after dinner on my bday, together wif jon, we met adrian, angela, eug, kel, julia, von, gomes, meow for kopi at tcc. they shared and got me a mp3, latest by samsung and a musical bell bell i oways wanted :) usually, bday is pple treat me, onli em ah, i hafta treat kopi and its not cheap k! $163!!.. faintz.. 真是的！

还有那些 sms 祝贺我的人，谢了！我把这天写下因为未来是不可预见的。我明白，人与人的相遇，是刹那。人与人的相聚，也非永恒。只怕下一秒，已 物是人非。。