yay.. time for mahjong later.. its been awhile since we last played.
my happiness tonite = slpless cranky neighbours! too bad, i dun realli care. not anymore.

empty table of mine

patiently waitin thru seasons

for our social ritual of,

when east meets west..

~ 08:42pm~

its realli nice to noe thr r pple ard me who cares..

aft lunchie wif jo, jas n jon i felt alot better oready. it would be perfect if ling could make it though. *winkz* karen's smses cheered me up too.. hehz. n not forgettin adrian n his kind words.. 'shit happens, take it easy n kan kai abit!' lolx.. maybe tis is life ba. wifout sufferins, we can't feel the compassion!! hmm, i mus go rest nw.. drivin n more drivin tml... omg when is all tis drivin gonna end? best of luck wif yr papers von.. ^^

ps: von, i need my source therapy..

destinated to be addicted to sadness....

shld i? shld i not? how nice if our hearts function wifout feelings n emotions. dat would make it alot easier for me to breathe thru tis thin air of misery..


Kiss me,
let me live once more
Hold me,
let us be whole
Leave me not my darling angel,
let me hold you one last time
In eternal embrace,
let our love be sealed
written by LiquidFire

he din leave clean like he claimed he would. he called me frm london jus now while i was drivin. i din say much. he hung up aft sayin "wifout u, life back here will be an ugly sight." i wonder wat he meant wif ugliness... i seriously think he's drunk.
gettin all high here n thr still doesn't mend dat hole in the heart, ive learned dat now.

sadly, sometimes pple seems to need us more den we could ever needed em. i was not rdy for whr he wanna take me. i dun think i will ever be rdy as i couldn't. so he left, 1st flight back to his life last nite. 7 yrs le. i can finally let it go. oready.

wateva it is, suan le. whoever it was. suan le, when did it happened, suan le. how did it happened, suan le. where it disappeared to, suan le. how it might haf been, suan le. suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suan le suaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan le!!!!
omg, i din noe i will be tis heartbroken. let it go jac, let it go.

u build a castle in my heart,

now silently left to ruin.

is tis how we will end?

in everlastin pain.

"Miracles happen, because we believe in them." ~ LiquidFire ~

they say 1 shall seek n 1 will find. go whr find? or we r jus not among those chosen 1s to witness dat very much needed miracle? grr.. realli, no matter how hard my mind wages constant battles wif faith, hope had somehow became so ethereal, so fragile. gosh.. wat a lonely nite wif all but too much misery of wanderin thru tis imagined existence of miracles..

i was followin my soul, tryin to venture to the realm of darkness.

even embrace wats lurkin in the shadows to hope find a cure.

was i even wrong?

but when evil dwells in the mind of mortals.

nobody dare to tell their tots..

nobody at all.

fuck fuck fuck....

i think im very much lost. i think i realli can't see the road ahead. i realli think i need to pray.. angels above, pls send my prayers to him...


dear lord, look upon her wif eyes of mercy, may your healing hand rest upon her, may your lifegivin powers flow into every cell of her body n into the depths of her soul, cleansin, purifyin, restorin her to wholeness n strength for service in your kingdom. amen.

even the sky is weepin wif sorrows now.. if onli those heavenly tears can cleanse the evilish. if onli... sighz.
my heart's so heavy now. too heavy i cant hold on anymore but i duuno how to let it go. i can't see happiness frm here, i can't see it anymore.

far-away kindness

if onli u could

caress dat pain frm his heart

forgotten laughters

if onli u could

fill dat void in my soul

The guardian angels of life sometimes fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down on us. << ---- pls let tis be true.. pls pls pls....

Whispering winds,

bring me back to time,

glistened raindrops,

on your ivory face,

in my arms u were,

a sweet kiss,

on an enchanting night

written by Liquidfire

is realli comfortin to noe i can be some1's source of inspiration esp on a day so gloomy. is so hard to pretend to be strong when im all jello inside. my eyes r all sore n achy nw. i need to go lie down. i cant think straight anyway. wake me onli wif a fuckin gd news pls god.

haiz, u realli can never noe how big the world is until it falls on top of u.
im havin my major brain freeze since 10+ n yet my freeflow stingin tears couldn't stop.
im drownin my mind wif endless words. i need to speak, say something or perhaps shout it away! yet i can onli hide here pretendin it's not true, pretendin everything's real is merely a bad dream. tis heartache is tearin my soul apart. tis chill in my heart is too eerie, too cold to bear.

ahhh i wish thr's something i could've done to take it all away....
but i knew thr isn't.
tragic events wif happy endings r so precious on delicate nights such as tis. haiz.

silent tears he shed

broke my heart in two

fly away boy

to the land of hope.

Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!
Saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad!!!!!

yesterday nite i reminded myself mus buy the 4numbers me n adrian 'found' while waitin for meow n von.
i overslpt thus did not buy. i woke up. the numbers open lor. @$#%^!(+&%** faint!!!!
we supposed to share n i din buy. now i feel so bad. so sian. haiz..

"Nice Sunset View huh? Happiness is being able to watch the sunset with the one you love....." (von's blog)

it's been a long long time since i last.... eh, to continue those words is cruelty.
maybe happiness is being able to watch the 'sunset ONLY' wif the ones u love von. if u stay any longer after the sun sets, happiness might wander away into the icy dark nite dat follows, wif no return.

actualli, wif the magnificent coastline of thousands swaying waves frm the turquoise-turned orangy ocean when the golden sun slowly makes his way down the infinite horizon. dat glow, dat warm feel of romance. ahh! indeed, sunsets r breathtakin in its own special hue.

damn.. memories i somehow managed to stash away found it's way back. images i tot was vague seems so alive now. bradley, keith, eric, jess n me. we watched numerous sunsets 2gether wif plenty of beers, plenty of bon jovi's. we were onli 17, 18.. dat evenin, mostly drunk. we count stars, shared our dreams aft the last rays of sunsets dyin lights n solemn nite took over soon, too soon. dat was the last time i saw brad. dat was the last sunset for brad, for me.

11yrs le. i still cant brace myself for 1more sunset.

wings gone limp

dreams left behind

he found heaven

wifout us.

~ Bradley Christopher Yuen, a dear friend ~

"I was delighted last evening when Jac popped up my task bar on MSN.Dunnoe why but I feel happy seeing her *winks*The lady had started her own blog.* thumbs up*Nice work. Lotsa pink :)"

those kind words r LF's taken frm his blog.. at least i noe i made some1 happy. ha! erm, as for kel, ive tried to write something nice n cheerful for once but those words jus had a hard time comin out. guess it's jus not easy n so not me. hmmm, reckon i will stick to writin whateva n howeva i feel. hehz...

i din feel like bloggin til it started to pour heavily at 4am.
i oways had tis thing for the rain. watchin those pearly droplets free fall like angels' tears leaves me spellbound, mostly romantic.. yet 2nite all i felt was loneliness. how nice if the1 i love was here to breathe beside my empty soul yearnin so much to be held, embrace me, 2gether we enter our dreams. haiz. i pray i can fall aslp soon so i wun miss u tis much. n hope when i finally dream, it will be yr smile baby...

oh wicked rain
u fell on me
like im so empty

REGRETS

~For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, 'It might have been'.~

~There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.~

i can't help but copy those 2 quotations for u, my baby sister.

stolens kisses r so so fine

til the day he waved gdbyes

images of him embedded in my mind

memories i shld nvr leave behind.

sometimes love can be both, the most beautiful n yet ugliest of all. either u feel like top of the world (usualli durin the honeymoon period) or lower den dirt (we all noe the time when love fades). sighz. is thr really wat they say: true n everlastin love? or it's jus a make-believed?

when u fell for the wrong guy, all the promises he once swore upon will be thrown into wasteland. wat den? cry those lonely tears of anguish sorrows, try every means to write dat obituary for yr heart. even if u found the so call mr. nice guy who cherish u, understood yr every needs. will there be contentment to last thru?

we nvr fail to see it til its too late, love is jus love before it reaches "i'll love u til the bitter end".

i can't slp. bad bad hangover now. my head is heavy n im jaded. i duno wat to say.

but i realli wanna say something. 2nite was easy for me til dat fateful phonecall.

i've nvr seen her dat way b4. sure, we had woes n pains frm the past..

but i din noe her heart n emotions r breakin down so hard.
aww man... tian yao liang le. it's scary to be so inspirated at tis hr.

yet, i can't help but made tis poem for her.


she has a stirrin heart dat no1 noes.
swayin in tears,
i felt her love on the cliff tonite
oh gal..
y do u yearn tis much
of a love u can nvr reach.