唉

心情真的好差啊。。
如果真可以赖‘死’在床上该多好，不用去想自然就不会烦。
可，不想又谈何容易。真他妈的！
我想夫妻之间最难莫过于在很须要真正的好好沟通时，却一句话也说不出。
或即使说出了口，他也不会明白，不愿明白。
唉，叫我如何是好嘛。

fallin..

留不下却又离不开，好累。

thinkin back, it was so ez to say 'i do'. now ah, its onli try try try n more tries to keep those vows we swore. constant battlin wif intense xpectancy of wat he shld but din, leavin only anguish of disappointment my soul cannot contain for much longer le. i wonder whr did the once so keen heart disappear to?

诗的回应

念 只有无情的悲伤
等 只有残酷得失望
酒 是我的好同伴
烟 是我的好知己
你的笑容成了我的眼泪
爱一个人需要那么痛苦吗？
~liquidfire~

爱 与不能爱之间
痛 与不再痛以后
烟 酒 泪
象无情的陷阱
把你一次一次
暗算
~inoka~

his last nite in sg

skip mj today for fung's last nite in sg b4 he went aussie to pursue his daddy's dream. went to tis ktv pub 'club62' to drink til drop for every1 cept me hehz. the service thr "还真不错", wun let u have empty glasses for too long de lolx.
waitress many many, all wear very 短 n very 少.
erm, not too pretty but still passable ba. but!! many 帅哥s thr..



poor fung, can see he very 依依不舍 every1 n every thing in sg. i wonder why.
i was even tellin him, 'go le dun come back!! sg sucks anyway..'
he told me he will miss me very much de, aiyo so sweet.



duuno drink til when, every1 became very quiet, seems 再多的狂饮也掩饰不了大家的不舍得.
深深的feel 到eugene 的明言：脸带笑容心悲哀.
无奈的明白原来离别也可以很美, 美得叫人心痛..

一念与一念之间

von's blog 又让我想起 dat incident which left me 后悔莫级..

i rem it was drizzlin. i was takin shelter when i saw tis adult bird fell frm a tree n landed straight onto the road, near the curbside. jus when i tot it was dead frm the fall, another bird flew to it's side n started peckin the dyin bird furiously to its consciousness. however, the bird seemed 受了重伤 din even move. onli to raise its head once in a while. 凄凉的惨叫声 were heard constantly comin frm its mate, perhaps beggin for help or perhaps tryin its best to yell those traffic away. sad.

at tis point, my inner voice told me if i dun do somethin abt it. dat poor birdie will die soon under the tyre tracks wif fast movin oncomin cars, buses, lorries etc.

i knew i mus move the bird to somewhr safe.
i knew xactly wat i mus do. the thing was, i did not. i couldnt..
in my life, 我有两没法碰, 就是活生生的鸟和鱼. i wanted so much to help yet 我的双脚跟本不听使唤无法动弹. i could only stand thr watch n pray those vehicles will miss it.
how pathetic.. how useless of me.

after a long struggle wif many close deaths, 命运终究还是 took the bird away. my eyes were on the bird while it finally happen. it was only den, i truely realised dat i could haf save dat poor thing, onli if i were brave enuff. i dun even noe wtf i was so scare abt. fuckin shit.
i hate my cowardice.

他的生或死就在于我的一念之间. 我的懦弱, 无情的夺走了原本还有一线生机的小生命.
抱歉有用吗？i think not.. :(

是否

你的生命中是否有那样一个人，
心里，总是会无时无刻悄悄地想起他的样子。
他的一切，已在你心底烙上了深深的印。
但你和他，却注定不能在一起。
如果爱了，结果只会是错误，伤害，最终分离。

另外还有那样的一个人，
誓言无怨无悔的陪伴在你身边。
温柔的分担着你的烦恼，你的眼泪。
为你的生活背负起责任，用一颗最真诚的心去爱，保护你。
而你对他的感情却只能淡淡的，淡淡的。

天亮了，可我的心依然灰灰的。。

今天

希望
平日的我大多都不跟许多人一样会去排队买 toto
因我觉幸运之神离我好远好远。
但不知是为了凑热闹还是真想买一个希望。
花了$32， 奖金最终还是落入别家。
虽然明知哪有那么易中彩，心里还是难免藏有一丝丝的失望，嘿。。
猫猫说过的，有买有希望。下次再来吧？

苦
小时候，从不喜欢吃苦瓜。妈常说我吃不了苦。
唉呀，苦瓜太苦了！
我想人会变，口味也会变吧。午饭时我竟然叫了苦瓜小菜吃了起来。
很苦， 真的很苦。苦在嘴里，心里却鸣起怪怪的想法。
渐渐地，感觉苦是一种享受，一种感动。
也许生活的苦能用心去感受去体会，应该也不过如此。。

期待
选择不复酒约，留在家打牌。满怀期待与牌做乐。
偏偏被那一张张的牌气的死去活来。
要什么不来什么， 打什么来什么！心想不要紧，期待下一圈会好一点。
就这样，期待。失望。再期待。 再失望。。
他明白，她也明白。可，就那牌不明白！真是讨厌。
有时候，失望也是一种幸福。
至少，能给自己一个好借口换掉那又旧又顽固的麻将了。

想说的
很想回他的信却不知应该说些什么。
其实看了信，那份感动与心痛非笔墨能形容。
可，我却清楚的记不起关于很多他的一切。
只记得我们成经巧合性的爱过，连为何事分开也已模糊。
也许，我的清楚与不清楚应该就是最好的回信吧。。

如果没法忘记，就不要忘记好了。真正的忘记，是不需要努力的。

忘了

他的情书：

已经好久没有想你，以为都忘了。
还以为，时间真的可以淡忘一切。
只是， 总有一些事刹那间，勾起我的回忆。
不想，还是莫明地想起，不由自主的怀念。

你还是这样，写的东西让人有忧郁的感觉。
也许，你有着别人无法理解的悲伤。
我记得你的眼神，从忧郁中能感受到的深情。
只是，那种深情永远不关于我。
我无法走进你的世界，我都知道的。

可是，总是那么地期待。
我恨我自己。
但，又能怎样？

和自己一起

病还没好，嘴间的烟还是一根接一根。
不知是睡多了还是我已习惯在夜里自言自语。。
我常在想，
假如命中注定要放弃一些本来可以属于自己的东西，那又会是什么呢？
假如命中注定拥有记忆，那不愿被忘记里会有你的影子吗？
因有爱而活无爱而灭的灵魂会得到解脱吗？
为何了解自己如此之难，
期待快乐的日子仿佛永远没有尽头？
想累了， 天也无情的亮了。

bloody cough.

i was coughin real badly til i couldn't slp. 川贝枇杷膏 dun work le. n the last time i checked wat i spat out. gosh, 见血了! i surrender! i went to see my doc jus now.

"breathe harder.. ok, harder.. hmmm, pain rite when u breathe hard?" he diagnosed me wif bronchitis cough after he performs a physical examinations wif his stethoscope. "huh? very chiem doc, issit serious? will die ma?" i onli understood cough lolx.

he did some xplainations of duno wat inflammation of the linin of the bronchial tubes, the airways that connect the windpipe to the lungs which could caused serious lungs diseases if not treated properly etc... i wasn't realli absorbin every word he said.
i onli heard.. "no smokin, no cold drinks, no fruits..."

nvr see any antibiotics so BIG size b4 .. faintz

eh think i gonna jus smoke 1 ciggy b4 i head to bed.. heh 好累

原来

yes it's 6.46am early n yes im still awake. perhaps i slpt too much tryin to recover frm fever n bad bad cough. perhaps, slpin for a better tml doesn't mean much to me le. perhaps 5ciggy only in a day drives me crazy! din noe writin chinese poems so much harder. took me longer den usual. good start though..


想不起

在一起的甜蜜时光
厌倦了

不被需要

那没流出来的泪

在我的心上却好久好久不干

原来

我们过的已是不同的日子

time's up baby.

wat happens when u noe u r no longer in needy of?

do u stay pretendin, or it's time to move on n leave..