goodbye my dear one

today we last saw her face, today we sent her off, today we bid her eternal goodbye.. dat scene still breaks my heart til tis very moment.
they begged their mama not to go
they stared helplessly at her body walked to the fumin door so slow
they looked so frail as tears filled their eyes
they bade her very last goodbye
as raindrops started to fall, we began to cry.

aft many a day when tears haf fallen upon her departed soul, we noe we will miss her deeply wif each passin day. i noe her presence will remain forever in everyone hearts but tis is jus so hard to bear. yet, i strongly believe the people she left bhind will forever walk wif her dignity and pride. they will nvr forget her, neither will i..

lovely lady
a beautiful face
now wif the buddha
receivin his grace

our hearts are heavy
so full of despair
but you noe she is smilin
chantin a prayer
she is askin buddha
to comfort our achin souls
to lift up our weary hearts

we noe
she will oways be wif us
in mind and in heart
we noe
if we remember her
she will never be apart

his empty soul

tears fall as the rain
she lives and breathe, within his cage
embracin herself to their discontent
impregnated by artificial misbelieves
birth of a modern fuckin disappointment

srry will nvr be enuff
dat word has lost its importance
the battle of his foolish make-believe
invites coldness to settle in
bitter chills fragile hearts to the core
shame embroid deep wif his name
but who am i to judge his holy shit
him, human and bloody imperfect

i was not watchin, wat is happenin, whr did the you go?
why on earth i do not noe
whoeva it was
took your conscience away
as i await with hushed anticipation, the comin of a storm
i haf to stop or i'll be trapped, yet again
how the fuck can I cease this disappoinment?

i haf gone thru several theories in my head... none of which haf come wif a viable answer. i shake my head, thinkin why the fuck am i even doin this poem! it hadda be, i is so fuckin disappointed and so very fuckin pissed off with jason the stupid!

她走了

一个不是亲人胜似亲人的人最后还是离开了。被病魔纠缠得可怜的她在短短1年13天的时间，就这样走了。一朵盛开了53年的花终于凋谢，怀着离别的惆怅远去了。 是的，她真的走了，不会再回到大家的身边。 痛，真的好痛。泪流满面也换不回她慈爱的目光。。

有人如此开导： 如今她走了，但是我们不应觉得特别的悲伤。我们知道她被病魔折磨的多么艰难多么痛苦，如今也总算是一种解脱。劳累了一生，就让她好好的睡，好好的安息吧。

等

我想她大该不会晓得我们又去看她了。
等了好久，她还是静静的晕睡着。
等了好久，都不再看见她睁开双眼。
等了最久的奇迹真的不会来吗？唉。

医生那尘埃落定的口吻，破灭了我们纯有的希望，伤透了每个人的心。

million little pieces

A Million Little Pieces
(the book im tryin to read now)

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel,
"I broke something, Old Man."
"How badly is it broken?"
"It’s in a million little pieces."
"I’m afraid I can’t help you."
"Why?"
"There’s nothing you can do."
"Why?"
"It can’t be fixed."
"Why?"
"It’s broken beyond repair. It’s in a million little pieces."

although i dun quite understand it, ive been recitin dat part over and over in my head tis few days.. "its broken beyond repair..."

破了就是破了，不是吗？

so fuckin digusted.

对着他(她)们之间虚情假义的所谓友情，
只有 。。
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反
反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
超级无敌他妈的反感！！

看见那只有嘴巴中伤人来掩饰自己虚伪的他，
只有 。。
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
死人恶心！！

对着这班一生一世不知悔改的四人混球，
碎碎念的骂完了，深呼吸！
然后，永远都不再联系。

如果

如果最在意我的人是你，为何还偏偏要违背你的心，说出不该让我听见的谎言？
你的一句无心谎言，我的心，已分身碎骨。。

存在性的忘记

从医院回家的路上便闷闷的，很不开心。一直提醒自己要记得回家后要做点什么，不要忘了要记得的是什么。。
哎，苍天弄人，一进们就忘得一干二尽。

很不爽的在厨房翻看想丢掉来发泄心情的东西。发现，许许多多的物品上都有一个限期。牛奶过了期，汽水过了期，罐头过了期，连不能入肚的保鲜纸也过了期！开始怀疑这个世界上还有什么是不会过期的呢？这个比喻应该也包括人的爱情故事，人最珍藏的记忆。

不知何时开始，我开始记不住东西，常常会遗忘一些细节，遗忘身边人所说过的话，遗忘让我非常努力想珍惜的事物。原来记忆也多少逃不过有着储用期的命运。。想起她，突然发现我和她也曾经因对方而快乐。悲的是，记起来已经那么远，远得让人心酸。

silent pain

今天我又旷课了。。有些些不适。总觉得做何事都慢不经心，无精打采。也许是最近想得多太，累了。下班后没回家，去看她了。

静站在房门望着像似熟睡的她与一对荷护的子女，心底感受到一种很强烈的无奈，莫明的怜惜。。帮忙扶她坐立才发现好重，一种心有余力不足的重围绕着她全身，把她扶在怀里的我真的难过级了。

大家都在时，她会半睁半闭着双目微笑，闲聊。只剩我一人为她轻轻按摩时，她倾诉于我她逞得越来越心苦。。可想而知，这一条路，她好像已经走得太累了。脚步开始慢慢沉重，眼神涣散。只想安静地躺着，听风在耳边嬉戏，然后沉沉睡去。
在我不懂得如何不让眼泪流出的那一刻，她反过来安慰我不要难过，她不会放弃。

我深深相信她的那一份坚持，她的勇敢是我远远无法超越，无法对比的。

回家的路风很大，我站在风口飘飘欲飞，感叹生命的无常，真的仿佛轻得刮起来就消失。像天上飞卷的落叶一般。落到哪个地方，是无法控制的命运。然后，自生自灭。
也许因该开始相信命运。不要再思考千百种的为何。只要继续，继续呼吸，继续行走，便能接受命运冥冥之中早已有的安排。

lusty love

greentea says: yo gal!
greentea says: echhhhooo.. oei...!!
inoka says: lolx
inoka says: simi taichi
greentea says: is it possible for someone to cause u greatest happiness and da most painful sadness at da same time?
inoka says: yes la...
inoka says: we call it
inoka says: LOVE loh
greentea says: she is nice when she needs me. then... sigh.
inoka says: den wat?
greentea says: after sex. she will be very bu nen fan with me.
inoka says: lolxxx
inoka says: mayb u weak la lolx
greentea says: .... .......
inoka says: kiddin la
inoka says: mood swing ba she.
greentea says: maybe she never luv me. maybe..
inoka says: zzz.. sex nia
inoka says: u think too much le
greentea says: i felt betrayed by her attitude! arhh fuck!
inoka says: tell her la
inoka says: faintz
greentea says: how to tell her?
inoka says: eh..
inoka says: change her attitude or u stop fuckin her loh.. lolx
greentea says: what if she ok with it how?
inoka says: u sway loh lolx
inoka says: aiya..
inoka says: u is love her or u is jus love the sex?
greentea says: her lah!

borin.. its funny how pple r all crackin up over issues like dat. madness. i was tinkin mayb he wasn't even in love wif dat lady. mayb is his ego.. men!!! confused animals.

seriously, you can say you r xtremely madly in love, but wat does dat mean?
mayb you cant stand being away frm dat person? you can say you love someone deeply while in the throws of passion. is it jus lust den? wat if you feel the same for a number of pple, a group of pple? dat is so very odd. wat if LOVE is jus LUST and vice versa?

无能为力

it is once again sun nite. hmm or perhaps mon mornin?
here i am again bfore my pc, tryin to paint my nails multi-taskin, as words flowin frm my mind and into my fingers to be translated by the keys into the words that i spin, on and on and endless.. many nites had i sat here lethargic and idle bfore tis empty screen, nonsensical words of wateva happened and wateva philosphfic itchin to flow, dyin to be xposed, freed from my ambling thots..

i had to think for awhile bfore bloggin. somethin ive read had me wantin to reply hastily. however, i fought dat urge, knowin full well dat thr r jus some days when you wish you could go back to the way things were, even for jus awhile. but when you try to, you noe dat you cant. as much as you long for it. i reckon i jus hafta accept dat things changed, haf been changin, and will keep changin actualli. if i dun keep my cool, i will not make things any better. fact, i will onli destroy their happiness. doesn't helps yeah? yeah. so all i can blog tonite was, leave it as it was.
its better tis way. it hadda be.

wat happened to my world while i was lookin elsewhr?
i guess tis time, my lack of words hurts more den spoken words ever could..

me myself n jac..

1) Why ain't you asleep?
went to bed earlier, slpt for 2hrs?? woke by a horrible nitemare. stinks!

2) Do you wish on stars?
nope, but i do watch em. at times..

3) Which finger is your favourite?
pointer finger ba.. so many interestin thing can be done wif it..

4) When, where and why did you last cry?
at jo's weddin, i shed happy tears. in the toilet, same nite, i cried. reason? for hidin a 'i can nvr say out loud' truth and almost.... heng nvr.

5) Do you like your handwriting?
sorta yes til im runnin outta time.. lolx

6) Are you a DareDevil?
erm, realli depends alot on the mood.. probably yes?

7) Do looks matters?
mayb yes til im won over by personality.

8) What was your favourite toy as a kid?
i dun play wif toys..

9) Do you use sarcasm?
yes! infact very very veryyyyyyyyy often!

10) Would you bunge jump and if yes, will you do it again?
i did, twice. nope, no more jumps for me. old le..

11) Who do u miss right now?
*sighz*

12) Do you believe in sex?
absolutely!! i rather njoy tellin pple to go fuck themselves, esp when they pisses me off..

13) Does size matters?
erm.. it realli does depends on wat r we measurin.

14) Favourite smells?
i like to sniff everywhr of jello's.. weird huh? lolx

15) Will you kill yourself someday?
nope if im sane. nope if both my parents still alive. nope unless i hafta save my loved ones.

languor

落空。无奈。我六神无主。

始终不明白自己可以要的是什么。。

新信念

今天真的好累。或许是昨天累的。或许是心中的事太多。

或许是这可恶的天气。。或许，是心有些凉。。

真他妈的讨厌所有可恶的流言。最真实的话被搅成最破碎的言语。

那些卑鄙无耻的小人怎么还不通通死掉。

或许，常言道清者自清。解释不了。也说不清。更没有必要。

所以我会努力，努力相信，没有判断力的人只会接收所听到的胡言，

而不产生任何的质疑，或者多加思索。

因为，他们都是大笨蛋。。

hmm..

i was tokin to this boy who calls me jie in gb.. he asked me abt meanin of life.
i couldn't ans him. guess im still far away from "enlightenment" to ans dat profound qns.
yet, somehow it got me thinkin..
wat is the meanin of life? y is it that we are on tis earth?
everyone has a purpose, so they say.
but who xactly is "they"? how do "they" noe we haf a purpose?
y do we have a purpose? WAT is my purpose?
gosh... wat a qns bfore bedtime..
anyway, read some interestin facts somewhr. duuno how true, but well...

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. (mus go test my corp comm gals tml lolx)

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (who was the sadist who discovered tis?!)

The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. (ok, celery for lunch everyday frm now on!!)

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (dat explains most of our fear wif dentists..)

Pearls melt in vinegar. (oh god, lucky i read tis. lolx)

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." (sayin it for yrs, now den i noe!! haha..)

ok folks. time for bed.. goodnite, slp tight!! :)

如果。有一天。我消失了。你会不会找我 ?