一个人撑

consider it a whisper that you didnt really hear.
still im going to say it anyway.
its scary to take full responsibility for myself.
i could just as easily have meant,
its actually really sad for me,
to feel so shitty, all over in my head..

错

tears fallen on sealed lips
hiding inescapable regrets
unquestionable pain
sadness beyond measure
sorrows that might never ever be buried

。
。

。

。

我怎么可以如此的残忍

contusion elsewhere

my newest bruised spot hurt massively when von poked it this morning. i actually saw stars and almost passed out. ok, overly exaggerating a fair bit here. still, it was very sore to the lightest touch. i was very sensitive and extremely careful not to let anyone come close at all.. yet, as much as it hurts, im grateful for having this pain. it is a reminder of bruises i had previously that faded, pain that subsided and eventually disappeared. i do know my heart will go through this pain with the bruised spot waiting for its very own recovery..

我没有哭，我只是在流泪。

reversed heartbeats

i see the way u love me,
i just never write it down.
one blink and its all gone.
its strange how that happens,
too often.

so with nothing left to try,
i decided to close my eyes.
not to sleep or to hide,
but to feel vulnerable.
i closed my eyes,
i exhaled.
and i shut you out.

遗忘你我才可以拯救我自己。

bitter soda

"It seems to me that almost all our sadness are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living." - Rainer Maria Rilke

i am angry
i am disappointed
i fucking hate you

反反複複

DONT say anything if you dont fucking meant it at all!

there are only that many times i can allow someone to let me down before i cant handle the disappointment anymore. when things change, people change, it simply means accepting things were not meant to be. there is a point in life when i get tired of chasing the truth from the heart. trying to fix everything because ive come to realise that in the end, everyone turns out to be the person they swore they will never become.

好陌生。。。。。

heaven of death

和大伙吃饭时谈起了西藏。
西藏你去过了吗？
西藏，那是一个什么样的地方？
曾听很多的人说过，最梦想去西藏。
那是一个离蓝天白云最近的地方。
似伸出手就可以抓住整个世界。
但对我而言，西藏，即可怕而又神秘。
因为许多人说过，在那里若是病了，容易引起休克。
我是一个生来大病小病不断的女人。
如去了，会因感冒而客死异乡，肯定不能活着回来。
我想，也许有一天，我会去西藏。
去看看所谓的人间天堂，然后选择死亡。

绕来绕去，终

there is nothing gain from the where do we go from here.
and the lets try it all again is not going to work either.
other then knowing alone is better.
we can only find our own way to atonement.
to remember this love when it matters most.
so lets just move on from here.
as this is the only way out.

for the both of us.

buy myself a reason

医：把烟戒了吧。
我：不要。

有人说过抽烟的女人往往都是有好多故事，我好像深信这句话。烟对于我是一种心理的需要。静静的点一支烟，深深地吸上一口，是一种满足。它可以把那些想忘的，不想忘的，通通吸进肺里，然后灰飞烟灭。。

工作

this is all there is on my new work desk. nothing fancy, just essentials. current boss mentioned to me before this company function like a big happy family. booo! so untrue. most co-workers are damn self-centered. abit abit complain, plenty of arrows flying around. love is definitely not in the air. i miss the girls… rawr!!

von and me in this really pretty washroom during our recent visit to our client in bukit timah area. plenty of driving around for me. so tiring and im beginning to hate driving! grrr.. mc today, back to work tomorrow. dangz.. TGIF!!

对自己说的

天將降大任於斯人也，必心磨其心智，勞其筋骨。

早已麻木

my feet are numb
my tummy feels numb
even my left thumb is numb
im feeling numb
in every places except where i would like to be
on second thought
exhale lightly
maybe i should treasure these numb moments
they might be the only ones i will ever truly feel

if someone asked you
where would you spend eternity
how would you answer

极限

10 fucking mins has passed.
a couple is still yelling at each other.
the shouting outside my window is so depressing.
im tempted to close my curtains, again.
so i dont have to deal with it.

given another 10 mins,
the man might stab the woman in the heart with a kitchen knife.
she would be crushed and bled to death, wide eyes open.
realizing he was still very much in love with her, jumps to his death.

maybe i should call the cops.
no, i should just let them strangle each other.

15 mins,
all was suddenly silent.
i wondered if that was the sound of letting go.

simon says forget

you cant when you try fucking hard
you will when you actually give up

boo!