t.a.g.g.e.d

Do you believe time heals?
it always heals. thats true. but its usually never better.

Are you living your expectations?
not quite what i expected it to be. i dont have a problem saying it. i just dont like admitting it.

Do you regret often?
am not sure if anyone can really say that they lived a life without regret. there are always things that i do that i look back upon and shake my head, too often.

Do you forgive and forget?
there are people that i am able to forgive, almost no matter what. and some others i find not only extremely difficult, but almost impossible to forgive and forget.

Do you judge people around you?
i sometimes judge harshly, pin down every mistake and rub it in their faces. and i dont know why i do that. i really dont.

Are you a pessimist?
is being pessimist a totally bad thing? i think not. i can manage.

Are you depressed most of the time?
i would rather be happy than be depressed. but then again, who among us really is?

If you had gambled and lost, would you gamble again?
i gamble it all on him if i had anything at all left to wager. but i got no chips left in my hand..

Do you hate someone now?
i dont know if i hate someone. or rather, if i hate myself. both probably. for different reasons.

Do you want to live or die?
i had spent most of my life living to die. counting days. now im dying to live, still counting days. but everyday i see less and less difference between the two.

If you died rght now, how would you feel about your life?
i ..........................

karma and tears

until im gone, you will miss me
after im gone, you will love me
and you will love me like you ought to
but, i would be long gone by then

要么拥抱，要么离开。

prometheus curse

do we really go into the light and cross over into heaven or wherever after we die?

i used to think heaven was a place where the clouds were made of cotton candy and i sat on them. now, i neither understand nor deserve. what is heaven? well, what is the human soul? if its only death. what is there to be afraid of? heaven is so over rated and for sale, same as everything else..

不欠，不掂

she said:
I haven't shed a single tear about it anymore.
Has my tears dried up since then?
Drained out dry..

亲爱的，

没有眼泪并不代表爱很浅，痛很少。
只是偶尔麻木到忘了如何去哭。
不妨找个地方一个人躲一躲。
因为我知道，最惨痛的伤口总是难以示人。
我也知道，其实你只可以一个人扛。
就让他的世界，你的世界，从此一分为二。

我和你数到三，就一起放手好吗？

actions have consequences

i have been trying and trying
to fight out this battle in my head
i dont know who is winning
its tedious to believe in what i feel
what i had felt before
over and over and over
stuck in a maze and i couldnt get out
so i dug a hole as deep as i could
and buried myself

我没错，不要再逼我。

losing my nook

its warmer now, this place, this world.. it doesnt really matter. my heart still shivers, being unable to say what i need to say. so instead, i just memorize it and froze. little bedtime stories i tell myself at the end of the day. so i be able to sleep. so i be able to live with myself. he said i only speak to him when i feel like, and im beginning to wonder if he was right..

好想抓住一点什么，但还是空手而回。

made in india

原来这个世界很小，原来这个世界很大，都在这些偶然里。

when will enough be enough?

so much bullshit. so much bullshit.
SO MUCH BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am so angry. i need a stronger word for what im feeling since evening. anger isnt it. more like sad and confused. is like there is this incredible mixture of love and hatred for her and i cant articulate exactly why. too often i had to chew through her stupid attitude, but now things are going to be markedly different between us. yeah whatever. its never finished, and never heals.

me? what about YOU?
fate made you my sister, but we might as well be strangers. so go ahead. drink from my veins a little longer. i havent got much left..

the spells we cast

so many of us have lost that sense of kindness. we often look around and remain untouched by the beauty around us, in humanity, in people. thats sad. kindness is so rare these days, people often dont know what to do when they encounter it, wasting that precious few seconds reserved for a smile or thanks by trying to glance around for a motive. how strange.

so, thank you dan, you have been very kind.