08 and nothing else..

so now its 2008's eve. the very one nite its acceptable to drink as much as you wan. the very nite whr you make merry, pass out den wake up to a whole new yr. its jus begun and you can do watever you wan wif it..

frens are sendin me wishes for my new yr resolutions. pple make resolutions. to becum wat they perceive as “better pple”. ive nvr been able to make resolutions. i nvr could resolve anyting. not myself. nor anyone. the changin of dates, days, years, watever, nvr seemed to haf much impact, cept dat im sadden by being another yr older. sighz.. jus numerical and labels. guess dats wat they are. imaginary sign posts in our minds we use to reassure ourselves abt how far we haf gone.

why celebrate how one year melts into the nxt? so we could pretend it can help us alter ourselves when in reality, it only emphasizes how very stagnant we all are… everyting ard me is in constant flux and yet, we use festives like tis to tell ourselves we do change and perhaps can change. but the truth is, we are the one ting dat doesnt.

aww whr shall i go when this 2007 ends as it is nearin dat closure. circle back to the start. i hafta go, but whr can i go? whr does it lead me? i seriously dunno..

beautiful sorrows

深夜了，却突然醒来怎么也睡不着。

心里总觉得有些凉，或许是下雨的关系。因为雨天会让人觉得孤独。也或许是我太累了。累了是不需要理由的，人说累了不怕，怕只怕心累了。我不想再背负那么重的包袱，真的不想！好想告别一切的一切，一走了之，在也不回头。。

搞不清楚这是一种什么状况，总之很烦闷很压抑，找不到合适的方式来释放和理解。好像有许许多多的话想说，却不知要从何说起。不知道怎么去说，是不是就是无话可说的感觉？

天啊，要如何才能练到心如止水那种无上的境界？也许，心里能装着一些时间带不走的淡淡悲伤，也是一种属于自己的幸福。。

Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.
~ Dag Hammarskjold ~

挫

Death is patiently making my mask as I sleep. Each morning I awake to discover in the corners of my eyes the small tears of his wax. ~ Philip Dow ~

a funny ting happened on my way to recovery.

i didnt.

i imagine the healthy beats of my heart. as loud as i can. but still, nuthin changes. one step at a time i whisper.. one little step at a time, to breathe again.

im not dyin..
im not dyin.

not yet.

他说 its time to reformat..

姓高说的是电脑，我心在想的却是。。
要怎么像电脑一样，轻而易举的重装系统。
删除那些让自己扰人的记忆，让自己过得比较平静。。

人脑 reformat，真的行吗？

hk 2

they say distance nvr separates two hearts dat realli care, for memories span the miles and in seconds they will be thr. but i miss him when i was on the plane, when i was in hongkong the whole time. whenever i start feelin lost cuz i miss him, i remind myself how lucky i am to haf someone so special to miss..

on our way to hotel, no one was tokin at all.. i knew it will be tis way til we go home.

our pathetic room dat costed $300 per nite. Its so small!! breakfast i heard frm gary, was realli bad. the thot of me havin to share tis tiny room wif dat weirdo patricia, i nearly fainted..

Me and gary din realli noe whr to eat outside the exhibition area, so we walk aimlessly tryin to find food. saw the first cafe, we went in. i wonder if its owned by some mafia. lolx…

surprisingly the food was not bad at all.. i tink the best 小笼包 i ever had were these!! so much better den 鼎太峰!!! but eatin in hongkong is not cheap at all.. faintz

came across tis front of a pet shop when i went shoppin alone, i stopped and stared at it for the longest time. i realli like the 亲切感 frm the concept. awwww.. will i haf my own pet shop eventualli?

i nvr like the idea of eatin alone. infact i dun. yet alone on the streets, i reckon i din haf much choices. i went in to a 茶餐厅 and ordered an egg sandwich, red bean shake and started eatin, alone! despite all dat, my dinner was realli nice though..

dats me and realli nice gal, emily (long hair) and stupid patricia (in blue) who pissed gary off.. lolx. Aiya long story to tell here.

can u believe it when i said, no we did not have breakfasts, lunches and dinners wif patricia? not even once. mayb she hates us. maybe she has ugly eatin habits! anyway, for $20 sgd, i had a realli sumptuous beef steamboat dinner wif gary.

me and gary walkin and walkin to no whr.. i was realli tired..

stupid gary brought me to a cafe before we head off to airport on the last day, not to eat but to take pictures! faintz! dat was the so called famous cafe in hongkong but to me.. deco so so onli! TWG new café will look like tis? 天啊!

“Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human? Pointless, really…Do the stars gaze back? Now that’s a question…”

dats the openin line for the movie stardust. watched it on the plane back frm hk.. strongly recommended by gary. and true enuff, its realli quite a charmin movie! endin of tis movie is very much xpected, a happily ever aft..

“You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is unconditional. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange - no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine. ” ~ Yvaine

time to shine!

hk

sumtimes you cant be taken to whr u wish or not to go.

no matter how hard you pull and push.

uninterested or afraid to go.

it probably doesnt matter.

you not free to choose.

bloom

i wonder why are roses so often compared to love…

mayb bcoz like love, their significance xists onli in the givin ba i guess. im not askin to be loved. i can do dat on my own. yet, the romantic nature of someone so sweet to me, who unselfishly sends me roses on non occasions, my heart dances. the mere idea of someone being so thoughtful, no strings attached, jus to take the time and effort to make me happy, jus blows me away!

fallen

我的无可奈何，你一点都不肯去体谅，还字字带刺。想把我哽到窒息，是你的用心良苦吗？只剩从心底深处发出的叹息，你听见了吗？

heavy wif sorrow
one by bitter one
they fall
till my exhausted heart
is stilled

mo chridhe

原来,我从来都没曾放下过。。

slpless inspiration

Jason & Chyuan
on the smokers porch
complaints snuffed
by a passin train

The Girls
6 gone 1
5 split 2
left lonely 3

Joey
dreamy on my pillow
miles away
he sings me to sleep

Madeline
obviously evilish
sitting there
oways wonderin
oways plannin
her next victim

i read a very wise phrase in the web:
“Nobody deserves your tears, and whoever deserves them will not make you cry.”

KL Beauty Expo 7

frm the time i leave hm for KL until i arrive back home i vacillates between disgust and amusement for havin to deal wif the endless masses of moronic behavior frm my VP.. of coz, i dun tink lizzie was spared frm the torture as well.. she was waken by her snorin so many times per nite! grrr... it wasnt an easy trip coz time crawls when we were thr.. luckily lizzie was wif me.. wat else can i ask for?

lizzie and myself makin ourselves very comfy in the first class coach for the 5 hrs long journey up to KL.. its not dat bad la, wif onli 16 single seaters wif massage functions + personal dvd player!

got seat belts somemore k! haha!

for a moment i thot i was on board a plane when over the speaker, “… tis is blah blah blah, yr cabin crew at yr service..” faintz.. got steward to serve coffee, tea and meal! not very appetizin la but can’t haf too high expectation i guess..

reached hotel and tis caught my attention coz i no get it.. i no get it at all la.. wats wif the menu description!! gearbox soup with spare parts?? funny pple wif funny culture!! or rather very "interestin" marketin??

absolutely in love wif tis pic! took it while we went for a quick shoppin at KLCC..

mus showcase our booth! it was in bad shape when we arrived and after some cleanin n etc, it turn out not bad la.. quite presentable. all we do whole time thr was jus stand & stand, sell & sell.. retailin is hard work man.. to those retail pple out thr, i salute you! i promise to be nicer to you! haha..

2nd blog-versary

i jus realized dat yesterday, tis blog will celebrate 2 yrs in xistence. 2 yrs ago, i started tis blog for fun and wif the intent dat i wld blog like nobody's readin... tis place helped me get my feelins, my angst out in the world, even in the smallest way. infact, wif quite a few readin em now! thnx, to all, for being part of tis journey.

tis 2 yrs, its amazin how ive paid attention to the little details dat happened so i could trace. i guess now my heart’s trained to function somewat like my k800i, takin pics of moments dat i save in the back of my consciousness, to be recalled when im searchin for dat inspiration to blog. also, i guess im learnin to settle in peace of whr i am in life. prayin hard thr will no longer be the disastrous fire in my belly. learn to live in contentment, day to day. learn how to stuff all of my unhappiness into a hole and cover em up. im not altogether optimistic abt tis but it seems to be the onli practical ting to try. in any case, happy blog-versary to me. ha!

Until you understand that stars as more than just points of light in the heavens. William Shakespear

ASSHOLIC BITCH

WHOIS in the pic:

- BIG FAT ASS Madeline, my sales&marketing VP

- pretty Ada, "almost fully" hidden by the fat V(ery) P(iggish) old fart

Talented Photographer : Liz

SHE, Madeline IS SUCH AN ASSHOLIC BACKSTABBER! KNNZ!

I IS FUCKIN HATE HER NOW!

actualli ok la, dun tink she will hate me any lesser aft our urgent discipline meetin earlier. lolx..
now close yr eyes and imagine her, adjusting her ah ma panties with a series of LOUD “piaks” infront of every1, and i meant every1!!! faintz.. tis kind oso can be VP.. 老天 no eyes.. grrrrr…

gary: thr r some issues madeline has abt u and we shld resolve tis once and for all.. lets hear from her and you can voice out if thr's any later.

old fart: shes oways late, earliest is 10.30am. go see clients no update and report. if realli sick sure doc will gib mc.. i no see any mc. delay work i assigned to her. openly take resignation template from liz.. chat abt negative tings abt our companies with the gals, bad energies. oways in the office with the gals 话中有话 tok abt me. u tink i stupid?

meme: my turn??

meme: yes i oways late, but whr got earliest 10.30? u got reach office very early meh? i reach early u no see coz u yrself oso very late ma. u oso oways pa pa run.. no1 noe whr u go oso rite.. i go see clients got report de k, no report to u coz last time i report to u.. u bad mood, tell me i adult.. no need everyting report u, update u, so long tings r being done. now wat? u wan report go Yserver find la..

old fart: ......

meme: i sick u no see my mc dun mean i nvr see doc and thus no mc.. is i haben pass u onli.. dun accuse me. if ur so concern abt me resignin, u can oways ask me why and when im resignin ma. if u bother to ask, u will find out im not the 1 resignin, im jus gettin the template for friend. den it will save u some embarrasment reportin wrong facts to our boss.

old fart: ...

meme: we have same amt of work harlow.. everytime u oso say tis 1 u do dat 1 u do.. end up oso ask me do your load.. did i not do? but u oways like to last min. den pissed every1 off den i hafta clean up yr mess for u.. u tink easy?? delay wat?

old fart: zzzz

gary: mayb we shld work on how to resolve tis now..

meme: wait, lemme finish wat i wanna say la. since we oready at tis. u say i can say de.. *roll eyes* u yrself no tok abt how bad tis company is? u nvr once mentioned u oso do until very pek chek? if u dunwan us to behave like dat, tok like dat den u mus be good example ma.. whr got 话中有话? on wat? say la!

old fart: i say wat u no need listen wat...

meme: huh u say can we say cannot? aiya, you at tis position, if u dunno someting, every1 oso glady help u, teach u.. (many times) but u dunno u dunwan learn.. everyting oso eh liz ah eh ada help me.. even simple ting like printin frm yr laptop oso dunwan learn... u not the onli one workin, every1 oso got many tings to do. u dunwan pple say u, do someting abt it loh..

old fart: ..........................................................

oh yes, tok to her mus tok like tis if not she wun noe wat tokin me. lolx coz got once she was complainin to gary on a certain issue abt a french lady... she went abt like dat.. "i dunwan touch tis issue, let maranda go touch herself..."

every1 listenin almost die laffin..

ok, im done for now. goin hm ler..

我累了

本来，我的存在因为你寂寞。你的存在也因我空虚。后来，两个孤独的人恋爱了。却用了好多好多的眼泪才发现，原来，我们之间有的，剩的，只是孤寞时的挥霍交易。今天，我的心彻底被一扫而空。对于不再属于自己的，放手真的只是时间问题。所以，请你在我该走的时候不要留我。为你，我没有任何权利承担你的承诺。。

me myself and me.. only

i fuckin hate when everyone asks me "wats wrong?" it drives me insane. if im pissed off, jus leave me alone, dun annoy me anymore by askin me qns. jus let me be mad. ill get over it eventualli. ive oso realized now, thr is no such tings as retribution. good pple dun haf good ends. they jus happen to haf more friends along their way.

no need to apologise. we all haf our reasons..

What power has love but forgiveness? In other words by its intervention what has been done can be undone. What good is it otherwise? – William Carlos Williams of ASPHODEL, THAY GREENY FLOWER

how do u mend a broken heart....

cOLD says: *sniff sniffss*
inoka says: heyhey..
cOLD says: i have a question ask u.
cOLD says: do u think one can die from a broken heart?
inoka says: hard but possible?
inoka says: heartache = dpression = weakens immune system
inoka says: being dpressed can make u die frm simple diseases
inoka says: those dat u wld normally jus take a pill and be done wif it..
inoka says: so hor
inoka says: technically.. yes u can ba.
inoka says: y ah.. yr heart very pain nw?
cOLD says: nope.
inoka says: chey!
inoka says: den y u ask?
cOLD says: not pain doesn’t mean my heart’s not dying.
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: wey u ok ma?
cOLD says: ok. just very emotionally cold.
cOLD says: very tired
inoka says: go rest la..
cOLD says: of living,

cOLD says: of being alone.
inoka says: …
inoka says: i noe of top 10 ways to die
inoka says: u wanna hear abt em?
cOLD says: nah
inoka says: … tink u go slp better la
cOLD says: it is really better to love and lost then to have never loved at all?
inoka says: eh…

i struggle wif dat qns, im not sure. in a way it is, but at the same time its not?
funny isnt it? thr are soo many frens and pple ard us... yet, sometimes, we... i... i feel like thr is no one who is realli out thr who tinks the way i tink, no one who cares as much as i do... i tink ive oready accepted dat thr will nvr be any1 who makes me feel like im a part of dual being. thr is a handsome man who adores me. hes kind inside, and cute outside, but im still looking for someting, someting perfect? yet, despite the fact dat i noe it probably nvr will happen, im still lookin... dun we all feel lonely sometimes?

"Why is it that only in the very beginnings of a relationship are you aware of the heat coming from inside a person, of the number of inches you would have to move for your shoulders to brush as if it were an accident?" quote frm Mercy - Jodi Picoult

unrealistic warmth

“When you love someone, you put their needs way before your own. No matter how inconceivable those needs were; no matter how fucked up; no matter how much it made you feel like you were ripping yourself into pieces.” quote frm The Pact

ive oways thot ive seen it all. mayb the truth was, i haven seen anyting yet, it gets much worse everytime i sit here reflectin, sleepless and alone. i nvr knew killin oneself can be so tragically beautiful, to disappear like sand thru a sieve..

*gasp* i sounded suicidal. nope, i hope not. jus dat my bad flu took over my nostrils and i cant breathe very well now. doesnt help dat im coughin jus as badly. hates it when medication wun even help you. fuckin doctors! *sigh* i guess when we are sick, negative thots could easily step into our mind, unknowingly.

wait, hey i haf a qns. will you, ever love me enuff to kill me if i ask you to?

i miss the gal5.. i better go to bed.

她心的惶恐

Her blog entry..

I know it can't really be coming much from work stress cause these few weeks hadn't been much projects at all. Maybe is this pre-ROM jitters? Or is it that I am having second thoughts? Is all these normal?

我也许不太懂你与他的爱情。
但，你们很快就有情人终成眷属了。
可，你的心依然那么不塌实。
忧郁不安在你的脑海里转。
看在眼里，也为了你的难过而难过。

怎么了？

是害怕会后悔吗？

如果是你一直把结婚想的太简单，
如果这是错误的开始，
如果这只是擦肩而过的姻缘，
你该怎么办。。

太多的如果只会让你陷入忧伤不堪的无底洞。
我只知道，爱只是一瞬间的感觉。
但身为女人的我们却会为这一瞬间从此把心封锁。
如果新郎官不是今天的他，
对你，也许也没有任何意义了。

其实有很多的时候，
人，在经历过以后就会发现，
原来事情并没有太复杂。
只是当时的我们，
把太多想象的东西加进去了。。

别为了具有致命吸引力的梦幻婚礼着魔。
试着静下来，走近自己，走进心灵。
然后，带上你的勇气，

去做最幸福的新娘！

a little someting frm a cabbie

got on a cab and saw a container full of complimentary fortune cookies. me being as polite as ever, i asked the cabbie if i could help myself to one..

driver: “you sin-ga-por 人?”

meme: “erm.. yes, why?”

driver: “oh.. no la. onli tourists or ang mos will wan to take. Sin-ga-por 人 all very shy one..”

meme: “………………….”

ok, so i thot frm dat very moment, i became one of the rare *buey paiseh* Sin-ga-por 人 aftall.. lolx i gobbled the treat and then read my fortune. it says im on my way to startin someting new! perhaps its onli coincidence dat im actualli on my way, first time to see my potential customer, alone. it sounds lucky to me. lolx so i stashed the message in my bag, vowed not to throw it away til my fortune came true. hehz.. and oh in case you wanna noe, yes, i closed dat deal.. good rite? lolx

was sharing tis incident wif my colleagues and my vp, madeline was so skeptical!

madeline: “wat! you dare dare take n eat? wat if got 迷药 how?”

meme: “huh, where will la..”

madeline: “eh u nvr noe, i dun even dare take sweets frm the driver if he ever offer me.”

liz: “those cookies all pre-packed one la! so easy wan to drug pple meh?!” *roll eyes*

erm who will wanna drug her.. i was amused..

心里能装着的

男人男人，怎么还没有睡去。

我的心，因你而伤。

想狠心对你不闻，不问。

可是，还是这样念着你。。

我不断在回想着过去。

假如一切都没因为你而开始，

现在会有着一个什么样的结局？

如果告诉你，我能够轻易的转身走开。

不告别，不回头。 你信吗？

30 大寿

为什么？
当你希望时间的脚步放慢的时候，它却反而加速脚步，毫不留情的吞噬你奢望永远青春的小幸福。避近三十，日子更是难熬。八月二十三那天，终究还是来了。。

my very 第一个 bday present from joey. a wallpaper wif my nick, specially designed by him for me.. it was very sweet of him la.. 真让人感动!

it was a bday dinner for gary at jumbo and my task was to lure him to smoke, so the gals can prepare his cake n present.. wat i 打死没料到 was they actualli planned it as a surprise bday celebration for me as well. i was speechless when i saw the 65 candles and names on the cake. the gals, my dearest.. alot up their sleeves..

the gals bought me jodi picoult's novel. they very smart and cunnin hor, buy for me but all get to read!! anyway, tink i better stay away frm mj.. get 书 for bday wait gamble will 输输输!!! faintz..

angela! wat can i possibly say abt my darlin sis? she said i had too many pair of shoes.. yet she went thru trouble to find the two pairs i wanted to buy but din as no sizes, for my bday present. god, i love her so much…wif or wifout the heels, of coz!

ok i noe, i complained a lot abt her, shes quite irri at times, nono, most time. other den dat, shes quite a sincere nice lady la. and, i was surprised when she bought me someting, a pig cushion. oh she, i was referrin to my vp, madeline.

2^nd present frm joey, wootz!! he noes wat i fancy now. tis man pays attention to everyting. he noes i simply love her books now! he chose tis title coz i abit 变态的, like killin, death, murder type.. liz says its one of her best books. oh yes, i wld need a magnifyin glasses to see wat he wrote on the two 相思豆s！

mr guy, who r you? whr you come frm?? grrrr… 天啊, anonymous roses and doggy frm? searchin high and low wifout an ans. yet, somehow i felt tis closeness wif the sender.. i wld guess its S, so hey, if its you. call me!

walkin balloon dog! ok, i haf not seen tis ard and its so cute! 很山龟 rite? i even leash it ard the office.. so funny.. kaka. thanks to liz and her yandao hunky bf, marcus, i had so much fun wif tis guardian pooch!

another major surprise, 99 roses frm jon! gosh, i haf nvr received roses dat many! its huge and pretty and i had to leave it in the office over the weekend.. sad! the hand written card made me smile.. but aft knowin the pricey roses can match up to 2+ birkenstocks, i almost fainted. lolx..

the gals gave me another surprise! no wonder ask me nice or not la when liz was tryin on.its meant for me! they bought me tis top frm gg5, very very very lovely, very very me! 早知道all i oso say NICE!! hahaa…

after dinner on my bday, together wif jon, we met adrian, angela, eug, kel, julia, von, gomes, meow for kopi at tcc. they shared and got me a mp3, latest by samsung and a musical bell bell i oways wanted :) usually, bday is pple treat me, onli em ah, i hafta treat kopi and its not cheap k! $163!!.. faintz.. 真是的！

还有那些 sms 祝贺我的人，谢了！我把这天写下因为未来是不可预见的。我明白，人与人的相遇，是刹那。人与人的相聚，也非永恒。只怕下一秒，已 物是人非。。

麻烦鬼

The MAFANGUI by JOEY

“my dear, you need only look into your own darkness-enshrouded spirit to find your soul..”

sometimes we forget the importance of the world inside of us. we go thru life so consumed with thots and work dat we forget the beauty dat existed in us. today, he showed me how he saw me. he saw beauty in me..

如此的熟悉

Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, which remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words -- Rainer Maria Rilke

鸵心

姓高的说我是属鸵鸟的。每当要面对莫事莫人或感觉有丝毫不对时，就只会逃避。我只知道逃。我不知我是不是在替另外一个人活着。当我醒来或者等某人醒来，来接替自己，继续逃。其实我也不知道自己为何要逃，在逃些什么。

也许都快三十了，自己还似个天真的孩子，单纯的想要追求完美，想把自己心里的天堂棲身缩沦为现实。偏偏现在的生活几乎有种把我打垮的能量，让我连呼吸都越来越沉重。我想我要逃，会逃，也只是因为对活着的点点失望。。

trixie..

~ It was no coincidence that fear could move a person to extremes, just as seamlessly as love. They were the conjoined twins of emotion: if you didn't know what was at stake to lose, you had nothing to fight for. ~ quote frm The Tenth Circle

The Tenth Circle & My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult

its been INTENSE and AMAZIN and HEARTBREAKIN and almost all-encompassin. everyting she wrote, moved me to tears..

tears for fear

haf you ever wake and felt like you cried for a hundred years in your dreams but you dun remember why?

again, i woke up tired, horrified and saddened, wif tear-filled eyes and even aft am back into awaken realm, my tears would not, could not stop... i nvr knew one can literally cry til they cant cry anymore. i tried to recall wat was the dream abt, but i cant. instead, it gave me a bad headache. damn, tis is mentally exhaustin...

it doesn’t seem to end...

憾

在[好听]看到有一人这样写着：
越来越多人在不同的城市间奔波，却不知道哪里才是自己的归属。越来越多人游移在不同的感情关系中，却还是觉得孤单。想追求的越来越多，却不知道哪个是自己该有的方向。得到的好像也越来越多，却始终还是觉得心里有个缺口。

读的瞬间，心似乎凝结了，有一丝不解的难过。
反思后才深知。原来，我就是那越来越多人里的其中一个。

back to work..

ok it's been awhile now since ive started on my new job at the wellness group. infact dat oso meant im startin to learn to take the train, rather den cabbies every mornin. ive got joanne breathin down my neck if i dun try!!! grrr..

take the north line to work "almost" everyday now (ive tried, at least) and i see lot of funny tings. i see women who went to work wif wet hairs?! haf their hair washed but dun haf enuff time to dry.. faint. i see women who puts on their make-ups while travellin. why cant they finish their face while at hm? perhaps dats why im usualli late.. spendin time makin sure i look fine bfore i leaves hm. lolx. sees quite a few caucasians goin to work. seemed thr are more foreigners workin in sg these days. infact, we haf 2 french fries (liz call em dat) in our lower delta office and another 2 at kim yan's office.

my office has free 100% certified organic tea for our consumption. haben realli drink it daily for gd health. yet, reckon i might pick up coffee aft all.. at the rate those slpy meetins are goin wif my VP. lolx

im tryin to update my outfits to be more sales-lady-like. those "asme" style dun realli suits here if i need to go and see BIG clients.. i mean realli classy type of clients. (those kind my french lady sophie calls: kill-ustomers! ha!) now i tink business casual is more appropriate. lolx so need to grab more heels, more OL skirts. a good reason to shop! yay!

the 1 good ting is, my pc is alot faster den the old 1 at previous job. dat shld make my job smoother. honestly i dun like it when i haf to wait or losin my time with the slow pc issue. it sucks! oh and i brought my winter jacket to work. i felt like i sat outside in the winter for the whole day, every day!the air conditioning is too freakin cold!! *shrugs*

i haf also found one truth abt workin life. no matter whr u are, yr colleagues and bosses are important. thrs usualli no technical problems dat is beyond my abilities. it is complicated onli when we are tokin abt the system, the people, the organisation, and how they cooperate. now twg is tryin find a way to make the expansion process smooth and well organised. its realli tough now, tryin get everyting in place.

but i noe all in all.. gary is here, the gals are wif me. twg is a good place. ^^

诱惑

talk dirty to me my dearest you,
i wan to be yr fallen angel...

the D word

我好似病得不轻。
我也许患有“习惯性难过，非常忧郁症” 。

它就象无色无味的慢性巨毒侵略了我那随时都会疲惫不堪的心灵。
惝若我是真的明白人生短短，只要开心就好。
为何偏偏最办不到的，也只有如此。

莫非我太贪得无厌？眼前的幸福对我而言，根本是不足够的？

不知，不解，更是想不通。

悟

i finalli see wat ive become.
ive become the ting ive been fightin.
ive become the ting you desired.

ive become the ting you do not want.

one word, one bitter tear, my stilled tired heart, i lost my way..

缺

w.r.o.n.g ~ a word too harsh for my jaded heart..

无助

9 June

i had a very startlin nitemare. it instilled wat felt like very real fear. i jumped and rushed to her bedrm onli to find her missin.. her rm light was on. she went somewhr, in a hurry..

2pm she was havin her jab at nearby clinic.
4pm she started to vomit. i had to get her dinner so she can take her pills. liver mee-sua she said. went to bedok aft many smses, seekin for a liver mee-sua stall.
8pm adrian fetch me to bedok. bought the mee-sua, came home. she ate 2 mouthful and started to puke again. the pukin din stop.
9pm the boys and von came over for mj..
11pm wanted to send her to hospital. she refused.

10 June

12am to 4am all i could do was reheat her heat pad and constant checkin if she was any better.
635am my fone rang. its angela. she cant take the pain and requested to go haf another jab, same clinic. gp refused to jab her. insisted we send her to kk.
645am jon fetch us. 180 on CTE. i did not stop the speedin. my mind was somewhr else.
655am reached kk A&E, doc wanted her to stay for observation cos she might need blood transfusion. she refused. nutin the doc could do, gave her the jab she wanted.
745am took her oral medic for her, brought her home. she fell aslp in the car. 90 on CTE.
8am home. ready her heat pad. put her to bed.

she promised if the pain worsen, i can bring her back for admittance. i promised the doc, i will be thr to check on her for the next 2hrs.

yes im fuckin tired.. but i noe i cant fall slp. my eyes all red frm cryin. yes im fuckin devastated. tis is the hardest ting ive ever had to deal wif, witnessin her agony. i feel like my mind is all fallin apart. how else can i make her pain go away?

离别六月秋雨

今天她离开了。。

临别时还送我们一群可录音的乖乖小宝贝。
她用留言表达了她对我们的依依不舍，
留下似有伸出小拇指約定，一定会重聚的誓言。



在我们之间有一种很单纯很简单的爱。
不管我们付出多少都不会觉得太多，
也许是因为现实中真的太少太少，
我们才会这样奢望，才这样寄托，才这样让彼此感动。
我知我们对彼此的爱，早已封存在内心深处。

也正是因为她们的存在，这里才令我如此地留恋。。

真的，有一些人注定要相遇，不论此前相隔多么遥远，
处于多么不同的世界，有着怎样毫不相干的从前。
相遇，相惜以后，再也分不开。
所以我坚信她今日的离别不是结局。
我们七月相逢的那天一定会来临。

这样的我们，算不算幸运，在这里的定局之后，
找到了另一个属于我们六人的乐园。

好期待。。

依婷，你一定不可以忘了我们的约定！

我们等着你！