独角亲情戏

因为太在乎，
所以让自己过得非常疲倦。
于其说疲倦，倒不如说厌倦。
所以我宁愿一个人生活，
一个人轰轰烈烈的接受事实，
一个人看潮起潮落，
一个人去过最艰难的这关。
也不要她平平淡淡的以我为耻。

今天只想说这些。

不再兑现

you tell lies as if i was deaf
i hear them anyway
i was too naive assuming you will come clean
all these time of allowing you to disappoint me
didnt you notice i have changed
oka maybe you win
i cant fight you any longer
i had been trying and trying to pretend
but it has become apparent that i cant fucking do it
so

i quit

4.32 am 的长途电话

他说那边正在下雨。还说除了我喜欢的雨天，一切都很美。是的，也许一切都很美，也许生活真的很美，我只是没有感觉到而已。跟他聊了些有的没的，说起十年前的我们，好遥远，却觉得那个时候好幸福。本以为这只是个单纯的问候来电，他竟说，这些年虽然断了联系，只要触碰到某个与我有关的细节，还是依然无法放下思念。只因，我曾是他心中的最爱。现在好不容易又见面了，不知还有没有机会重来。我沉默了。他突如其来的坦白让我措手不及。是不是只要当初我没迈出离开那一步，我们就能相安无事，就能幸福。

never was

信任：是指相信而敢于托付。

Yvonne says: i was thinking about this....
Yvonne says: does it feel more hurt to have someone u truly love betray you
Yvonne says: or feel worse to have someone whom you dun love a lot, but u trusted wholeheartedly to betray you

选择欺骗的那个，背后一定有一个动人的故事。至于故事的内容，对被骗的那个已经不再重要。不知是否因为过去的打击太大，现在相信一个人都不会久。为何我不能像当初那样。为何自己会变得这么无法信任。无论如何，信任会令人容易受伤。所剩下的信念已寥寥无几，真的好可怕。我一直在想，一个什么样的人，才值得信任？信任一个人，到底需要多久的时间？不明白不明白。或许我已经丧失了信人的能力，只是现在才发现。

仅有的那点恋恋不舍

“I forget how much I loved her. How deep it was, how completely devouring it was to be so head over heels, totally and unconditionally in love with her. If I ever get to the point of falling in love again, I will draw her portraits, so that there will always be proof of her worth to me, for her to hold.”

appear OFFLINE

别再问我为何喜欢如此。
没有什么特别的理由。
隐形，只是我恋上的一个习惯。
喜欢有一种把自己丢了的感觉来隐形。
喜欢把自己放在一个安静的角落来隐形。
没有故事，没有解释。
也许我一直都在，只是你看不见。

its okay if you hate me. i can deal with it.
or at least i imagine i could.

魔

† L'ange Sans Ailes † says: do u believe in demons?

Inoká says: yes
Inoká says: and they only come to u when its dark and alone.

there was something in the silence between his words that made me stop and stare at that darkness we both knew so well. it was more than a little shocking to see those words typed out loud even i do know that demons are always lurking in the dark watching us, waiting for us to succumb and let them in. and i believed if we look in the darkness and not through them, we would see forever..

Don't part with your illusions.
When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. ~ Mark Twain

悄悄离了

她：不知道他对我的爱会不会随着时间而消失？

虽然不必猜，我也不知道该怎么回答。因为时间的确可以让爱慢慢走向淡漠，乃至消失。我已经不问会爱多久。因为我发现地久天长只是童话的笑话，现实世界根本没有海誓山盟的爱情。瞬间海枯石烂的话谁都会说，听在心里的会记一辈子，说的那个可能早已忘得一干二净。

最重要的男人

as a child i have this idea that my parents, especially my dad, knows how everything is done. i always had this idea that no matter what happened he knew what to do. it wasnt until i got much older that i realised he did not know everything, he just had to do everything to protect and raise his kids.

today i dedicate this post to my daddy, someone who is kind, gentle and very thoughtful. someone who is my source of strength, someone i love very dearly. HAPPY BIRTHDAY daddy!

共婵娟

真的好想
摘下夜空里的月亮
小心翼翼把它折起
安慰忧伤的心

可我不能

所以有一天我死了
我定要飞奔那月宫
化成来世的眼睛
目睹嫦娥奔月的孤单

—样的消失

the medicine is not making me any better and some nights im so tired i seriously wonder if im dead, which i guess is why i have been thinking about the dead a lot more lately. on how they must had felt, the terror and regret of accepting they were mortal. that they will be gone for eternity and others will go on without them. today i was awake fondling my thoughts on trying to remember what a dead relative or friend sounded like. im not trying to find, only attempting to prove that they still lives in my heart. but, i cant quite remember their voice at all. perhaps its better that way. erm what if im going to die tomorrow, will you remember mine?

就算死，我也会牵着你的手。

就算错了

有没有人曾经告诉你，爱着时，女人总会说一些狠话，一些过份的话。因为，她不知道那个男人爱得深浅。所以，她就赌，赌她的那个男人能承受的极限。说穿了，是想赌那个男人爱自己的极限。其实，我好像也在赌。赌我的他能容忍我多少？赌他对我的爱有多深。其实只是想要试探他有多不能没有我而已。我不是不知道，如果赌赢了，我也许就能拥有幸福。如果赌输了，我就一定得到无限的痛苦。就算如此，我还是愿意去赌。因为我要知道他的爱，清清楚楚的知道。

为此，我为自己的愚蠢输得彻底。

自己活该

不晓得从多久以前，
我开始把自己小心的保护起来。
所有的悲伤都选择一个人扛，
直到自己崩溃，直到自己也无能为力。

今天，我放弃学会已久的隐藏。
今天，我卸下了虚伪的微笑。
今天，我摆出一张疲倦的脸。
今天，我狠狠的放声哭泣。

我想，我是真的累了。
我想，我该试着寻找出路。

从此，我愿只是个游戏人间的戏子。

jaded

i feel so sick today and slept thru mostly. yet i was forced to wake blindly at wee hours, struggling to complete my key accounts management report which is due tomorrow morning. its almost 3am now and im not even close to being done. gosh. how much more can i do this?! surrender seems to be the best option. think im going back to bed..


dumb dumb report

“The brave men that stayed and fought had to be very skilled so they could live to fight another day, or else they died.”

one day, i will meet you here

had someone really spoken to me way before about the ways in which good lifestyle habits could make aging go away i would have most likely paid closer attention, or maybe not. as much as i hate to admit to myself, i guess age is catching up with me. with bruises and muscle issues that do not heal over night the way that they used to, looking in the mirror and see that i am not who i used to be. i look different, feels different.. actually, none of this really matters much, only occasionally i feel like pieces of me are being taken away and no matter how hard i try, i cannot prevent this! tragic, just tragic. what else can i say.. boo!