closer.closed

不知道呆坐了多久，她最终也只能静静地放下。因为她剩下的只是对自己的一厢情愿，对他的何必强求。即使她一次又一次的说着其实，他是爱她的。想着，他是爱她的。原来所有不知道下的事实才是他们真正的结局。手指触着键盘感到冰凉，一根一根的，直到它们失去温度。有人说十指连心。她把手指放在胸口上，这一刻她好似触到了内心的寒冷。才发现她已经没有用苍白的文字来给那段感情记录些什么的能力，只想离开。

累了，给她个休息的地方。 就这样。

最致命的伤

its not like she knows how to answer all the questions she had for them.. or that they ever could. does he really.. she guess not. his moment of silence and the slow intake of breath before he said that he did not know. she already knew his unsaid answer. he was reluctant to admit that she was right. and he hates to admit that she is right again. she off her skype and listen to her tears. but it was too late by then..

hmm...

i dreamt of bradley...

he asked me to join him.

and so i said, im coming. im coming.

im almost there. wait for me..

hmmm..

no one will notice.

"The furthest distance in the world

Is not between life and death

But when I stand in front of you

Yet you don't know that I love you

The furthest distance in the world

Is not when i stand in font of you

Yet you can't see my love

But when undoubtedly knowing the love from both

Yet cannot be together"

其实，最凄绝的距离是两个人本来距离很远，互不相识。
有一天，相识，相爱，距离变得很近。
然后有一天，不再爱了。
本来很近的两个人，变得很远。

甚至比以前更远。

我没在哭，只是在讲我的故事。

if you wonder, wont you ask?

真可笑

he always say the same bullshit to me. “i never meant to lie. i never meant to upset you. im very very sorry.” his words are so interchangeable that they no longer hold the meaning they were supposed to. i knew he was lying all along. all it took was someone else to tell me everything. on one hand i felt guilty for calling him an assholic lying bastard, yet on the other hand i know that because of his actions, i couldnt really feel any other way. but its okay. i will be out of here soon..

lucky me

不会再还原

am too tired to think and feel

am too tired to wish and pretend

am too tired to regret and cry

im tired, i have no more to say

3 fucking more months..

blessed

it was just the other day when i spent my birthday with four of the most amazing girls ive ever known. they have been around since i cant remember when, but then again, time stands still when im with them. girls that drives me crazy most of the time… girls who will drop everything and tack hours onto a birthday surprise, to see me, to assure me that im not alone.

i knew they love me unconditionally, which seems to be all i need. thats why ive been blessed to spend my birthday with them so many times, and today i can honestly say im a happier girl because of them.

we are such crazy bunch, i know. not even the mess the noob waitress did could take away our happy mood. we sat there, five friends of many years, sipped our horrible teas and tasteless ice chocolates, talked about life and love and silly moments, until it was time to go.

looking down, i knew i have had the most amazing memories with these girls and i hope that i will continue to keep on forming memories. when i find myself fading and giving up, i be able to close my eyes and realize they are my healing energy.

so hey you ladies, thank you for understanding the give and take of our friendship and knowing, somehow instinctively, when i had nothing left to give. thank you for encouraging me to do what is good for me and for helping me to see that it is not selfish to take all the time in the world to heal, or to cry during super vulnerable times. thank you for unhesitatingly enduring my silly mafan-ness at all times. and thank you so very much for every moment we have spent together.. i love you all!

our shadows

be still and listen, my angel.

phoenix rises from the ashes,

blistered wings searching for frail lovers.

soon we will see whispering shadows,

squashed to the ground.

over and over..

fallen, you are never alone.