reality within

ive been lookin at pple differently ever since duuno when. and recently ive developed tis habbit to start asumin i cant trust any1 and their promises. and some pple dat i havent realli had an opinion on bfore, suddenly i haf an imense dislike for em, small tings abt their personality gets to me. everytin seemed to haf changed. ive said dat bfore. yes, i dint realli like the way tings used to be but i dun like whr they are headin either. perhaps dat is why im feelin so blue. perhaps it is becos im comin to the slow yet incredibly quick realization dat some1, no, somethin ive wished for seems to no longer be within reach. all for the sake of one single difference.

when im feelin blue all i hafta do, is to take a fuckin look at u! ok, is not workin. cos hey, i am the watch you oways wear but you forget to wind. now, im so tired of makin beautiful art outta meaningless words. mayb, jus maybe, i hafta learn, to face those faces of empty promises and nothiness wif wide open arms.. yes, it mus be.

隔空记

it happened again! one of those dreams is killin me..

i dreamt again last nite abt someone whom i noe. the only problem was dat she was in almost all of it. and when she wasnt, i would be runnin ard, lookin for her. so i wake up and i haf tis feelin like i fuckin miss her. BUT the ting was i cant realli see her face or anythin. i dun even noe who was dat. yet, i felt so close to her. arggghhh i wish i could jus figure all out, den mayb everythin wouldnt seem so distant. how did i even let my dreams xhaust me so much!
now, i so feel like how a toy rabbit feels when its batteries run dry.

缘尽今生

一个星期了，没有半点食欲，一天最多吃一餐。时有疼痛，还真分不轻是胃，还是我那第二次被伤透的心。 望这桌上的 Marlboro 白色和绿色，不知此刻的她是不是也象我一样，狠狠的吸了一根接一根的烟来掩盖所有的绝望。心里满满的挂念着千百个不愿被坦白的为什么。唉，替她难过到了极点。。 也许，能为她分担的也只能那么多，希望当选择终于尘埃落定的那一天，她可以不心灰，不意冷的朝人生这条路坚定不移地走下去了。 不会再为那个想找个完美的借口而选择沉默的负心汉心碎伤身。说明了，这次到底谁赢谁输，还言知过早。 蓄意也好，无意也罢。愚蠢的他拿幸福当成了赌注，终会输了她，输了全部。

贱男人

why they nvr realli tink abt the heart on the other side?
aft they haf torn it out.. some pple haf realli died.

FUCKIN BASTARDS!!!!!!

omfg, it burns to exhale...

wtf

here i am, sittin here, chokin in my own bewildered thots, wonderin..
why the fuck i cant haf songs in my Cdrive local settins tempo files anymore??!!!

ok, i seriously need to consider gettin a new pc.. !^&*%#@ ....

爱上了伤

到底伤的是哪里？ 左手右手？ 还是心？ 恐怕自己也分不清。

拜别了跌打神医，呆视着被扎的紧紧的手，全愈只是迟跟早的事。
感叹如果受了伤的心也能用同一包扎方式来等待一定的愈合，为悲痛划上句号。
很完美不是吗？
手中敷满的草药盖着散乱的纹路，遮住了我预知不到的未来。
只有在此刻闻着自己手心，手指的味道，回味所做过的一切一切。
牵手，拥抱，抹泪，挥别心爱的他。。

unfortunate coincidence

是我真的习惯了把简单的事想复杂了吗？还是。。
很实劲的去说服自己所想的都错了。但，终就被压的喘不过气。
当身边的人都觉得過度敏感是一种要不得的负担的时候。
它，却是我心灵深处最不可思议的依靠。


又怎么啦，真的不再晓得。

只剩
阵阵低沉的喃喃自语。。

今晚只剩呼吸

时间的确一转即逝，步入06 年的最后一个月，心境很自然的开始感觉烦闷。也许是今天心中空荡荡的，好像很心不在焉似的在想些什么事，想些莫莫人。思考着思考着，许多对自己要快乐的誓言都乱了，真是犯贱！如果可以灵魂出窍，去07 年走走，瞄一瞄在明年的我，日子将会如何如何的过。那该多好。。


不知从哪一年开始，我不再相信圣诞节。

难受死了

白天
夜晚

无时无刻

原来真真切切的病了的瞬间会令人疲惫。
有如一条离开水的小鱼，不能呼吸。
再也分不清是胃凝结着心在疼，
还是心系着胃慢慢绽裂的痛。

爱情梦

有了他，我快乐了，是真的快乐。
这份若有若无的情感似乎是那样纯粹，那样震憾人心的美。
倘若没有遇见他，我永远也不可能尝到心有灵犀带来的幸福。


宝贝，谢了！

双喜

its Kel's Birthday so after range, angela suggested we meet kel n julia for dinner at ang mo kio. hadda go fetch him n his new GF!!!! all of us so xcited and ok la. not a disappointment. shes quite not bad, pretty wif big round eyes and passable figure although adrian said she very BIG size.. LOLx so bad him. the rest of us felt she's overall good enuff la. so judgemental! ^^ wat to do, my precious brother ma.. mus kpo abit more. but but but, shes onli 21.. very very very young!!

how often do you get serious at the age of 21?

goody moody

问答题
readin back over my blog gifs a very different picture of my life on wat has actualli taken place. mayb coz i was in a fairly gd mood today. ha! back den, life was sorta dangerously depressin and dats why i oways felt the pressure to vent here, cry thr, so to speak. today i felt my life has taken on a slightly different perspective. my priorities haf shifted i tink. tings dat i oways tot were mandatory in my life aint dat necessary now at all.
im also not allowin minor emotions to drag me down for longer den it usuali would. could i say ive taken a more positive control of my life den i shld tink i ever haf before. actualli, im not sure if tis is a firmin up or a lettin go of somethin within me. i shld ask myself tis again. am i truly gainin the control i so much needed or im jus relaxin?

不夜城
so its finalli confirmed we are all goin to shanghai for our company leisure cum shoppin trip! wootz! so look forward to shoppin in style wif ada, joanne, shireen and liz. so for now, its work n weekends till 10 Jan den begin a much needed and well deserved vacation..

戒情人
"gal why dun u jus fuckin quit smokin? dat would stop all dat coughin and stuffs dats killin u frm the overdosage of cigarettes! smokin is a vice u shld seriously consider gettin rid of."
ok it got me ponderin, tis time alittle more den usual of the qns posed to me. shld i? can i? would i? the onli ting dat brings me away frm all sorts of torments were the ciggys i repeatedly brought up to my lips and of coz the look of satisfaction as i exhaled. i dun realli consider smokin a vice though. i haf quit enuff tings in my life, cigarettes can stay.

醉它乡

文，很久以前，你走了。为什么今天你要选择回来扰乱我早已平复的心？
你喝了醉酒，打电话给我。所说的字字模糊不清。忽然，觉得你比以前的我更需要保护。只是你比谁都更擅长伪装。但，你要明白我们已不年轻。我们已没有那样的精力去重新组合感情的故事。我们的思想和已经在担负的责任，根本不允许我们再这样的自私的去发展什么情感释放的东西。所以你不要再来电倾诉你的遗憾。不要再来打扰我的心有所属。我会在这里哀悼那一段没法开始的爱情，没有过去的回忆。不管这次选择是否正确，活下去才会有答案。或许，选择本身便是答案。更或者，你想知道的永远也不会有答案。。

其实，

是你已经失去了谈爱我的资格。

disconnected

"Behind every beautiful thing there is some kind of pain."
~ Bob Dylan ~

i was standin at lvl 3 lookin far and away across the horizon, down on the groovy green along marine bay today. thr was tis magical moment when everythin looked beautiful..
the soft green grass, the swayin leaves on the trees rustlin, a gentle breeze, the sky, the sun, the shade, even the cars in the distance racin along the highway. breathtakin..

at dat moment, i jus wanna share dat xperience wif someone. i could imagine myself lookin into his eyes, sittin down on the grassy hill wif him huggin me and me kissin him. i opened my eyes, i was alone. thr is a feelin of sadness aft dat. while i can revel in my loneliness, i realised i lack dat someone to complete the "i belong to someone who belong to me" experience..

why do i hafta wake?

抱佛脚

im not sure i will survive the comin fri paper not. guess dat since im still smokin, lookin at the screen, im might as well blog a little. though sometimes i wonder if tis isnt jus a virtual reality and my sittin here and writin these words is merely a dream. i hear tis naggin voice tellin me dat im supposed to be studyin for the paper. hmmm mayb im the "bad conscience"? ok im lazy. aiya i jus needed a breather.
i haben gotten any luck tryin to get all dat crap into my brain. flippin n flippin is all i manages to do for the past 1hr.. grrr!

anyway, read tis beautiful poem today. urge to share is strong, so here it goes..

到雪的深处去
流浪
在那里
寻找一个叫做时间
的坟墓
将灵魂埋葬

sufferin is so needed in order to find one's self. how lovely.. shit! late le, mus go back to my books. me so no discipline!

faintz.

thots

had a very very longgg day. aft work is class den study at hm wif ling. supposed to slp aft she went home at 1.30am yet somehow i couldn't slp. i so need to go to bed n rest but.. grrr.. mayb i jus needed to spend some time alone wif myself, as usual.

sometimes i felt like ive seen the world ard me like im a hundred years old. yet, i nvr knew why i cant seem to do the things dat i noe i ought.

duuno how much time has passed reflectin on wat ling said. i mus be realli crazy. can't slp when i had plenty of time on my side and now.. dunwan to slp when i barely had ample restin time? nite is a good time.. its when i can sit back and tink abt things. no one else ard to disturb my train of thots, thots i haf yet to sort out.. mayb im jus tryin to make up for somethin? jus tryin to fill in those empty spaces, those little black holes and voids dat have been suddenly created in my life. den again, mayb its more den dat..

盘旋

累

今天真的好累。。想要好好睡一觉真的好难。曾想人若能冬眠，那该多好。短时间内停止活动，停止记忆，进入睡眠状态。忘怀不开心的人与事才慢慢醒来。如此，世界只会有开开心心的人。
可问题却在，人只能冬眠一次，却再也醒不来。又念起了她。。唉。

逝

他们最后还是分开了。。
我明白，不爱了，就是不爱了，没有什么原因，也不会有任何理由。不管如何努力用尽心思，逝去了的，永不会再回来。她不是他一生的唯一，他也不是她这辈子的最爱。他们的缘只能那么浅，这世只能擦肩而过。
也许身为凡人的我们，根本就没有可能有着什么惊天动地的爱情，靠不住的情感，必定要沉没。

幻

好久没站在老地方静思。今晚回到窗前, 呆呆地抽着烟，望着视线内的一切，心绪似静非静。
7楼的窗外望下去，眼里看得到的都变得好渺小。小得让人觉得一脚伸出去便会踩到地。。幻觉吗？ 或许准确的来讲，是我一直都在幻想着某种程度的死亡。

不要总说我莫名其妙，我只是情绪化。

晚安。

幸福瞬间

S：“ 要不要我陪你去吃饭？”
J：“ 你难道没擦觉到每当你问要与否，我一定答不的吗？”

S：“ 你现在在哪里？”
J：“ 还在办公附近流荡。。”

S：“ 你留在原地等我。我快马加鞭赶过来带你去吃饭。”

虽然我还是说了不，但心以被感动。亲爱的，我很好。我这么告诉了你，你一定要相信。我不须你陪。就算彼此不见，你只要知道我在思考些什么，在乎我的感受，就足够了。对我而言，你无须特别做些什么，心里有我，念着我，真的就够了。所以，对于我的无能为力，和你的无能为力。我都心知冷暖。

今天的我很幸福。

谢谢你。

moments..

glass shatterin moment.. i tot got gunman open fire at me!
i was inside when the stupid rock came crashin thru.
luckily got solar films to tahan the million pieces from fallin all over me!
stay away frm those lawnin ninjas by the roadside!


after months of waitin.. thnx to kel,
i finally got the shades i desired soOoo much!
now pocket BIG hole le..
to the 1 who said wanna buy for me de.. whr is the MONIE!!!?


tis is the 2nd time i came across food dats in a heart shape..
first a melon, now my fav shitake. hmm..
is dat a sign i can onli haf love in my tummy? how sad.


my bejeweled highscore. impressive!
4.7 mil.. i wan hit 5 mil!! grrr... oh and u. yes la u..
dun turn and look ard.. u is, cannot beat me de la.
muahaha...


my poor jello can onli see no touch, let alone eat!
jonathan so evil.. make him drool all over the bed.
faintz...

含糊不清

是不是只有初初相恋才是最美好的，过后的种种都会，都该通通被抹去。
如果可以选择，我只要回到当初，回到最爱我的那一刻。。
但当初根本回不去，有的只剩下碾不走，忘不去的记忆。。
能留给我的真的也只有那么多吗？



如果真的可以选择，我宁愿不要这般早知今日的何必当初！

有谁能告诉我为什么放下如此他妈的难？

你是谁

do you ever haf the feelin dat you are missin somethin?
dat somethin fell off and you are constantly lookin for it?
every day i wake up wonderin whr it is.
im missin it but i dun even noe wat was it dat i missed..

i wan to be in love again.
i wan to feel my little deer anyhow jump.
i wan to feel the euphoria, the joy, the dizziness, the anticipation, the jealousy and the completeness dat i felt before..

i wan to say "i love you" to someone.
i wan someone to cuddle me and say "i love you".

but can i? i doubt so..
wat the fuck is wrong wif me? 不知所谓!
ok, one more ciggy den to bed le. i promised to be good and slp early tonite, for a change.

复杂

i so fuckin envy him! in a sad way though.. sighz

so much happened in such small amt of time, it almost killed me. ive got far too many feelins and thots inside, the problem is i duuno how to present em. im wonderin if its jus becos i needed more time to put everythin in order or i jus needed a perfect timin to tell how xactly im feelin. mayb we oready agreed to face love in languor, absentmindedly. seriously, wat the fuck else can i xpect of you?

u cannot see my existence
our eyes dun meet no more
u cannot feel my sorrow
our hearts dun connect no more
thr is somethin abt your eyes
they oready look different in the dark
yes, different in the dark



怎么了？



不晓得。。

goodbye my dear one

today we last saw her face, today we sent her off, today we bid her eternal goodbye.. dat scene still breaks my heart til tis very moment.
they begged their mama not to go
they stared helplessly at her body walked to the fumin door so slow
they looked so frail as tears filled their eyes
they bade her very last goodbye
as raindrops started to fall, we began to cry.

aft many a day when tears haf fallen upon her departed soul, we noe we will miss her deeply wif each passin day. i noe her presence will remain forever in everyone hearts but tis is jus so hard to bear. yet, i strongly believe the people she left bhind will forever walk wif her dignity and pride. they will nvr forget her, neither will i..

lovely lady
a beautiful face
now wif the buddha
receivin his grace

our hearts are heavy
so full of despair
but you noe she is smilin
chantin a prayer
she is askin buddha
to comfort our achin souls
to lift up our weary hearts

we noe
she will oways be wif us
in mind and in heart
we noe
if we remember her
she will never be apart

his empty soul

tears fall as the rain
she lives and breathe, within his cage
embracin herself to their discontent
impregnated by artificial misbelieves
birth of a modern fuckin disappointment

srry will nvr be enuff
dat word has lost its importance
the battle of his foolish make-believe
invites coldness to settle in
bitter chills fragile hearts to the core
shame embroid deep wif his name
but who am i to judge his holy shit
him, human and bloody imperfect

i was not watchin, wat is happenin, whr did the you go?
why on earth i do not noe
whoeva it was
took your conscience away
as i await with hushed anticipation, the comin of a storm
i haf to stop or i'll be trapped, yet again
how the fuck can I cease this disappoinment?

i haf gone thru several theories in my head... none of which haf come wif a viable answer. i shake my head, thinkin why the fuck am i even doin this poem! it hadda be, i is so fuckin disappointed and so very fuckin pissed off with jason the stupid!

她走了

一个不是亲人胜似亲人的人最后还是离开了。被病魔纠缠得可怜的她在短短1年13天的时间，就这样走了。一朵盛开了53年的花终于凋谢，怀着离别的惆怅远去了。 是的，她真的走了，不会再回到大家的身边。 痛，真的好痛。泪流满面也换不回她慈爱的目光。。

有人如此开导： 如今她走了，但是我们不应觉得特别的悲伤。我们知道她被病魔折磨的多么艰难多么痛苦，如今也总算是一种解脱。劳累了一生，就让她好好的睡，好好的安息吧。

等

我想她大该不会晓得我们又去看她了。
等了好久，她还是静静的晕睡着。
等了好久，都不再看见她睁开双眼。
等了最久的奇迹真的不会来吗？唉。

医生那尘埃落定的口吻，破灭了我们纯有的希望，伤透了每个人的心。

million little pieces

A Million Little Pieces
(the book im tryin to read now)

The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel,
"I broke something, Old Man."
"How badly is it broken?"
"It’s in a million little pieces."
"I’m afraid I can’t help you."
"Why?"
"There’s nothing you can do."
"Why?"
"It can’t be fixed."
"Why?"
"It’s broken beyond repair. It’s in a million little pieces."

although i dun quite understand it, ive been recitin dat part over and over in my head tis few days.. "its broken beyond repair..."

破了就是破了，不是吗？

so fuckin digusted.

对着他(她)们之间虚情假义的所谓友情，
只有 。。
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反
反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感反感
超级无敌他妈的反感！！

看见那只有嘴巴中伤人来掩饰自己虚伪的他，
只有 。。
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
恶心恶心恶心恶心恶心
死人恶心！！

对着这班一生一世不知悔改的四人混球，
碎碎念的骂完了，深呼吸！
然后，永远都不再联系。

如果

如果最在意我的人是你，为何还偏偏要违背你的心，说出不该让我听见的谎言？
你的一句无心谎言，我的心，已分身碎骨。。

存在性的忘记

从医院回家的路上便闷闷的，很不开心。一直提醒自己要记得回家后要做点什么，不要忘了要记得的是什么。。
哎，苍天弄人，一进们就忘得一干二尽。

很不爽的在厨房翻看想丢掉来发泄心情的东西。发现，许许多多的物品上都有一个限期。牛奶过了期，汽水过了期，罐头过了期，连不能入肚的保鲜纸也过了期！开始怀疑这个世界上还有什么是不会过期的呢？这个比喻应该也包括人的爱情故事，人最珍藏的记忆。

不知何时开始，我开始记不住东西，常常会遗忘一些细节，遗忘身边人所说过的话，遗忘让我非常努力想珍惜的事物。原来记忆也多少逃不过有着储用期的命运。。想起她，突然发现我和她也曾经因对方而快乐。悲的是，记起来已经那么远，远得让人心酸。

silent pain

今天我又旷课了。。有些些不适。总觉得做何事都慢不经心，无精打采。也许是最近想得多太，累了。下班后没回家，去看她了。

静站在房门望着像似熟睡的她与一对荷护的子女，心底感受到一种很强烈的无奈，莫明的怜惜。。帮忙扶她坐立才发现好重，一种心有余力不足的重围绕着她全身，把她扶在怀里的我真的难过级了。

大家都在时，她会半睁半闭着双目微笑，闲聊。只剩我一人为她轻轻按摩时，她倾诉于我她逞得越来越心苦。。可想而知，这一条路，她好像已经走得太累了。脚步开始慢慢沉重，眼神涣散。只想安静地躺着，听风在耳边嬉戏，然后沉沉睡去。
在我不懂得如何不让眼泪流出的那一刻，她反过来安慰我不要难过，她不会放弃。

我深深相信她的那一份坚持，她的勇敢是我远远无法超越，无法对比的。

回家的路风很大，我站在风口飘飘欲飞，感叹生命的无常，真的仿佛轻得刮起来就消失。像天上飞卷的落叶一般。落到哪个地方，是无法控制的命运。然后，自生自灭。
也许因该开始相信命运。不要再思考千百种的为何。只要继续，继续呼吸，继续行走，便能接受命运冥冥之中早已有的安排。

lusty love

greentea says: yo gal!
greentea says: echhhhooo.. oei...!!
inoka says: lolx
inoka says: simi taichi
greentea says: is it possible for someone to cause u greatest happiness and da most painful sadness at da same time?
inoka says: yes la...
inoka says: we call it
inoka says: LOVE loh
greentea says: she is nice when she needs me. then... sigh.
inoka says: den wat?
greentea says: after sex. she will be very bu nen fan with me.
inoka says: lolxxx
inoka says: mayb u weak la lolx
greentea says: .... .......
inoka says: kiddin la
inoka says: mood swing ba she.
greentea says: maybe she never luv me. maybe..
inoka says: zzz.. sex nia
inoka says: u think too much le
greentea says: i felt betrayed by her attitude! arhh fuck!
inoka says: tell her la
inoka says: faintz
greentea says: how to tell her?
inoka says: eh..
inoka says: change her attitude or u stop fuckin her loh.. lolx
greentea says: what if she ok with it how?
inoka says: u sway loh lolx
inoka says: aiya..
inoka says: u is love her or u is jus love the sex?
greentea says: her lah!

borin.. its funny how pple r all crackin up over issues like dat. madness. i was tinkin mayb he wasn't even in love wif dat lady. mayb is his ego.. men!!! confused animals.

seriously, you can say you r xtremely madly in love, but wat does dat mean?
mayb you cant stand being away frm dat person? you can say you love someone deeply while in the throws of passion. is it jus lust den? wat if you feel the same for a number of pple, a group of pple? dat is so very odd. wat if LOVE is jus LUST and vice versa?

无能为力

it is once again sun nite. hmm or perhaps mon mornin?
here i am again bfore my pc, tryin to paint my nails multi-taskin, as words flowin frm my mind and into my fingers to be translated by the keys into the words that i spin, on and on and endless.. many nites had i sat here lethargic and idle bfore tis empty screen, nonsensical words of wateva happened and wateva philosphfic itchin to flow, dyin to be xposed, freed from my ambling thots..

i had to think for awhile bfore bloggin. somethin ive read had me wantin to reply hastily. however, i fought dat urge, knowin full well dat thr r jus some days when you wish you could go back to the way things were, even for jus awhile. but when you try to, you noe dat you cant. as much as you long for it. i reckon i jus hafta accept dat things changed, haf been changin, and will keep changin actualli. if i dun keep my cool, i will not make things any better. fact, i will onli destroy their happiness. doesn't helps yeah? yeah. so all i can blog tonite was, leave it as it was.
its better tis way. it hadda be.

wat happened to my world while i was lookin elsewhr?
i guess tis time, my lack of words hurts more den spoken words ever could..

me myself n jac..

1) Why ain't you asleep?
went to bed earlier, slpt for 2hrs?? woke by a horrible nitemare. stinks!

2) Do you wish on stars?
nope, but i do watch em. at times..

3) Which finger is your favourite?
pointer finger ba.. so many interestin thing can be done wif it..

4) When, where and why did you last cry?
at jo's weddin, i shed happy tears. in the toilet, same nite, i cried. reason? for hidin a 'i can nvr say out loud' truth and almost.... heng nvr.

5) Do you like your handwriting?
sorta yes til im runnin outta time.. lolx

6) Are you a DareDevil?
erm, realli depends alot on the mood.. probably yes?

7) Do looks matters?
mayb yes til im won over by personality.

8) What was your favourite toy as a kid?
i dun play wif toys..

9) Do you use sarcasm?
yes! infact very very veryyyyyyyyy often!

10) Would you bunge jump and if yes, will you do it again?
i did, twice. nope, no more jumps for me. old le..

11) Who do u miss right now?
*sighz*

12) Do you believe in sex?
absolutely!! i rather njoy tellin pple to go fuck themselves, esp when they pisses me off..

13) Does size matters?
erm.. it realli does depends on wat r we measurin.

14) Favourite smells?
i like to sniff everywhr of jello's.. weird huh? lolx

15) Will you kill yourself someday?
nope if im sane. nope if both my parents still alive. nope unless i hafta save my loved ones.

languor

落空。无奈。我六神无主。

始终不明白自己可以要的是什么。。

新信念

今天真的好累。或许是昨天累的。或许是心中的事太多。

或许是这可恶的天气。。或许，是心有些凉。。

真他妈的讨厌所有可恶的流言。最真实的话被搅成最破碎的言语。

那些卑鄙无耻的小人怎么还不通通死掉。

或许，常言道清者自清。解释不了。也说不清。更没有必要。

所以我会努力，努力相信，没有判断力的人只会接收所听到的胡言，

而不产生任何的质疑，或者多加思索。

因为，他们都是大笨蛋。。

hmm..

i was tokin to this boy who calls me jie in gb.. he asked me abt meanin of life.
i couldn't ans him. guess im still far away from "enlightenment" to ans dat profound qns.
yet, somehow it got me thinkin..
wat is the meanin of life? y is it that we are on tis earth?
everyone has a purpose, so they say.
but who xactly is "they"? how do "they" noe we haf a purpose?
y do we have a purpose? WAT is my purpose?
gosh... wat a qns bfore bedtime..
anyway, read some interestin facts somewhr. duuno how true, but well...

A rat can last longer without water than a camel.

The dot over the letter "i" is called a tittle. (mus go test my corp comm gals tml lolx)

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death. (who was the sadist who discovered tis?!)

The original name for butterfly was flutterby.

Celery has negative calories. It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. (ok, celery for lunch everyday frm now on!!)

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. (dat explains most of our fear wif dentists..)

Pearls melt in vinegar. (oh god, lucky i read tis. lolx)

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." (sayin it for yrs, now den i noe!! haha..)

ok folks. time for bed.. goodnite, slp tight!! :)

如果。有一天。我消失了。你会不会找我 ?

一样

所有的男人在开始都是你所期盼的样子。
长久后你会觉得不是你不幸福，
而是所有的女人都会如此。。 如此一样不幸。

totally

iNTERNET
"u n yr pc, 2 is to 1" she's amused by dat joke.
being a person who uses the computer all day long, it is probably a good thing that i like it. but i might haf taken it to the next level. i think i would die wifout it. amazing isn't it..

vOODOO
i specially hate it when men commercialized somethin dats powerfully sacred, somethin dats mystically evil in wrong hands. wateva 1 can get in the market now mainly are fakes but wat if 1 managed to possess an authentic voodoo doll, wateva happens next is unthinkable.

gUILT
sometimes, when i'm having a good week, it feels weird to feel good...
it feels weird to be happy abt my life, and life in general. i'm so used to the sadness and depression because i've been in it so long that when a little smile is shown, its much too hard for me to bear. freakie..

sQUARE1
im so lost yesterday aft dat shockin news. i mean, well i was xpectin everythin to be good n ok aft tons of treatment. i wasn't prepared for wateva i heard. im not the optimistic type but for once, i firmly believed she's gonna be alright. coz she's the strongest woman i've ever known..
now, im back to whr i was. this is depressin.

aHERO
he who puts on his bravest smile and said to me.. "im ok, dun worry abt me." we both noe the road ahead in days to come is gonna be seriously tough, unpredictable hellish and even scary. yet, he din allow it to take him down. frm dat moment i knew, he's a warrior, a true warrior.

是否遗忘

这个空间已经开了一年了。 这一年真的发生了很多事。不管是好的，坏的，都让我怀念。
回望过去这一年记录的一切一切，回忆犹如潮水涌来，逝去的种种在脑海里一一浮现。
深深感受到桃花依旧，人面全非。。

不该做的，做错的，执著过的，太多了。该做的，做对的，最终放弃的，太难了。最起码我曾努力过，希望心中能了无遗憾。 希望。。

虽然记忆令人悲哀，无论现在我们每一个人所面对的怎么不一样，无论前方是风平浪静还是波涛汹涌，我还是想在这里感谢所有关心过我的人。愿我们都能真的幸福真的快乐。

driftin in peace

i gotten to noe myself better recently. i realised i haf tis terrible habbit on an eternal quest to wan to understand everythin. understand y tis is wrong y dat is so sala.. i wanted everythin to make sense.. esp towards those i cared for. i wanna make everythin rite for every1.. sadly, wif dat pursuance, i came to understood the meanin of ignorance is, actualli bliss.. yet, i couldn't stop. my ego doesn't allow me to be consumed by fires of defeat.

i discover 1 truth at least. when somethin is terribly wrong, there will oways be a reason to it. n the reason is oways hidden deep. i knew if i had to noe wats the reason, i will hafta go search for the ans. by doin dat, probably i hafta digg here n thr, path thru the shadows, even at the expenses of pissin every1 else includin myself to eventualli see dat truth, dat more horrible and painful truth den any1 could haf imagine. qns is.. worthy ma? i duno..

maybe its me. i dun belong to whr i tot i was. simplified, i dun return counterfieted smiles. i can't and i wun live wif dat. i chose not to shut my lids pretendin to be blind so everythin else bloom in plain fluke. so back to my qns earlier, worthy ma? yes if i can at least save my soul.

oh when oh when will you open yr eyes and see wat i saw?
so funny how torturously sad wateva may be, eventualli will be..

快乐变了形

生日第二天就让我领悟到一个真理。。
天下真的没有无不散之筵席。

感觉对着他们，渐渐的，我已丧失想要解释和盘算如何被了解的能力。
或许当你真的累了，有些人，有些事，会因为你的疲惫而变得不再重要。

够了，这次真的够了。。

29

whr r u among the 16 smses?

my birthday is a

perfect occasion
to find myself
wild eyed open

in the dirt..

Eschatology

END of the WORLD!? FINAL Judgment?! The APOCALYPSE??



we've heard the predictions prophesyin the end times. we've heard jokes, myths, even warnins from diff races n religions abt how we will all end n how everythin will become nuthin n we mus face the judgment day unless u believe in a certain faith..

yet, as we pass those pple n sayins by, i can't help but notice that we in fact, r still here! lolx.. wat the heck is happenin n why so many still believes in doomsday predictions? y those humans like damn wish a huge catastrophe to happen den shiok?
perhaps, to prove wateva they preach is rite, doomsday MUS come huh..

70AD ago the vision was written coz christianity was brutely prosecuted and actualli might exinct, n thus all was written to create faith n support? mayb it was their way of teachin "do not despair, fear not those who wan us dead?" hmm, duuno la. still hor, goin ard wif decal on cars preachin wat i seriously do not wish to see esp on a moody day sure doesnt make me feel any better.. grrr...

eh, if all will end? den god do wat frm den on?

给你一个轻轻的吻

she sent me tis e-card somedays ago.. so sweet!
she huh, oways can spice up my day w/o much effort..
so hor today, here, i wan wish her
HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY! haha..



Happy Birthday, dearest Von,
sweet child of my heart!
pleasure reigns as i type these lovely words,
yr happiness shall last thru end of time!

愿你的每一天都如画一样的美丽!
生日快乐! muacks!!!

when panadols became useless..

it's been 5 fuckin days n my migrain still dunwan go away!!! Grrr...
seen a doc. all he can do for me is, ask me eat medic dun smoke dun stress rest more.. all the "i shld but nv follow" advice.
so tired... im so fuckin tired of this fuckin headache.. :(
ok. im gonna be good, pop some pills den head for bed..

*pain pain shoOo away, dun even come again on nother day!!*

some of some..

i was quite 井底蛙 loh to noe dat wif every snapple, thr is a 'real fact' printed under the cap.
but dat is so not the issue.. wat i wan say is..
very clear hor my new sony ericsson fone? 3.2 mega pix ley..
those oways laff at my old fone de pple.. pls stand 1 side now??!! esp u adrian. yes u!! kaka


went to get 泡泡茶 wif jon and so 巧 his cup was sealed by a Gemini pic which is his horoscope whr else mine is wif a Leo pic.. my horoscope!! hmm, den he sort mentioned it's was our fate to be 2gether.. is our 缘份.. den it got me thinkin..

if 2person's 缘份 is so easily defined by some coincidence of some cups, den i reckon no1 realli need to work any harder on wats in their hearts anymore..


2nd major blue-black of yr 2006.. very painful.. grr...
make a wish: no more no more til 2007? lolxx



i love tis bday gal.. very cute!! some of us, younger bunch in the office wif bday gal Liz..
wah lau.. i can see my tummy lolx... eeeekkk!!! it's diet time!! haha


went to some art launch wif von by tis lady artist. aiyoo, i tot my 艺术细胞 quite not bad de.. but hor, i simply duuno wat she drawin abt. lolx.. too 抽象 for me le. simi connection wif the body wif arts.. chey i tot can see some naked body parts, hahaha..


hin bought me tis pair of flipflops when he was in penang.. it's was 'S' in size but too big loh. i cannot wear.. :( he very ben dan 1.. it's 'S' in mens size!!! cannot wear means mus gib away le.. grrr... faintz.

ok la, enuff of so many rubbish. me wan go find mr 周公 le. although i still slp ard 1-2-3am regularly but it's good to be able to fall aslp quite fast now when i wan? lolx..

???

原来最後的最後，所有的人都会离开。。

那么爱情，以后是什么？？？

喜欢黑夜

第1考场~~*~~ says: ur blogs + night time still got what connection?
inoka says: huh..
inoka says: simi still got wat connection?
第1考场~~*~~ says: ur blog title. very dark, very lonely. like me all alone here.
inoka says: will meh?
inoka says: it's enchantin u tootz!
inoka says: lolx
第1考场~~*~~ says: enchant my ass! hahahahaaa...
inoka says: :(
第1考场~~*~~ says: change lah!! change to bright bright shineshine morning!! haha
inoka says: ...
inoka says: faintz
第1考场~~*~~ says: anyway u work now, seldom blog from late nights wat.
第1考场~~*~~ says: lex say u suuffering from DEpression?
inoka says: got ley.
inoka says: u blind huh..
inoka says: yes ah. bery depressed..
第1考场~~*~~ says: really ah?
inoka says: u wan bring me c doc huh..
inoka says: lolx
第1考场~~*~~ says: ..........



喜欢黑夜， 喜欢在黑夜不开灯的房间里，放着音乐，一个人默默地抽烟。
喜欢深夜不睡，静静地想一些人一些事情。静静地想今天有谁把我放在心裡？
也许在黑夜里，我才会面对最真实的自己。。

she..

tis woman.. hmm, knew her thru ling. first impression? mad de.. lolx!
duno wat to say abt her den. onli noe she damn noisy, damn hilarious, very darin and ooOo, very sexy!! yes, wickedly sexy.

she started readin my blog hehz and sorta like wat i pen down mostly. so on request, i is supposed to write abt.. her! gotten to noe her better le by nw coz we attendin same class and wif dat, i shld be able to write how i feel abt tis lovely lady. hmm..

*witch*
如果她是个巫婆
她会日夜研究
迟早有一天
她会把快乐炼制出来

*wild child Dele*
hollow echoes of burnin desire
bewilderin her mind so pure
yet, a teaser in her blood she craved
of dances, tears, & ivory love
go on, fill her heart wif peppery passion
breakfree gal!
together..
in search of forever love

tis moment, i shut my eyes frm the world it seems. i saw her smile.. standin tall in times of hardship is a woman like her. dun break under pressure gal, dun cry. lai lai, enter my world of imaginations ba. sometimes, dats all we needed to be strong. n becos of yr existence.. life, would be alot more worthy to smile for..

ur who u r, ur wat u r. stay who u r, stay wat u r. live who u r, live wat u r, like a child..

怎么了?

一觉醒来，便会没有任何理由的不开心，会脑子里空空的发呆，我都不知道自己这是要干什么?
好不容易等到了见面的时间，又因一句无心的 "lolx my ass" 更加让我难过得连我自己都听不见心跳。 莫名其妙地心痛。
lightly, is our love tiptoe-ing away wifout warnin ma?
该何去何从呢?
好想对他说对不起不要再吵架了。。最终还是没有。
也许，很多时候心情是因为自己而生成的。
因为心里曾经在意，因为心里曾经固执如此而已。
等我们都看清楚，想明白，我们已经走出来。

是我太过分了吗?
心里闷乱。不知道该说的，还能剩下些什么。

for my mama..

last tues i went for my class not knowin, we were all gonna be put on test on wat we'd learnt tis far.. past exam qns lyin naked infront of me, diff forms of words spiral my heart n brow for the right 1 to use.. the race against time started heavily on me. i wrote in speed lolx. so worried i ran out of time to finish all 3qns. i din even haf time to check thru den times up le! grr..

today i went for class wonderin if i even pass. suprise suprised!!

i got DISTINCTION!!! wootz! it might be jus a test but it affected me more den i ever imagined. results in hand, i was touched. starin at the grades, i saw my blur blur past flashed b4 my eyes. those days when i had good chance to strive in academic and yet trumblin down the road for my overloaded share of ignorant fun.. bad past history and there r plenty things i cannot change. but, i wanted a 2nd chance. i is can, if i wan!

ahh, so emotional.. for all the heartaches i caused my mum thru my years of rebellious existence. i hope, tis and MORE to come, will bring plenty more smiles on her face! muackss..

你我之间

你我之间，有的只剩在失落，空虚的时候有个寄托。
虽然你从来不说，我也会懂。你忘了我是如此敏感，如此聪明。
开始觉得笑，依旧是笑。却慢慢没了内容。
你我之间，结束，只是迟早的事。
因为你我之间的爱情本来就是一部忧伤可悲的童话。 。

~ 快乐是会莫名其妙的消失的 ~

寿星boy

today is adrian aka Struter 的
26th BiRthdAY!!!!



猪你好 pOor thiHg 哦，今天明明是你的生日却还要 go to work。

但是没关系，因为你收到了我的祝福，相信你今天过得会很 HaPpY。

so, 寿星佬，我 wiSh 你所有的希望都能如愿，所有的梦想都能实现，

所有的等候都能出现，所有的付出都能兑现!!

happy birthday!!!

我怕

"ahh, it's gonna be arite baby, it's gonna be jus okay..

someday, i'll unlock dat treasure of freedom in yr heart."

thr were such undefined passion in his tone. wat he din noe was.

the key was stashed away, hidden deep by her a long time ago..

like bird lost in flight, her heart will nvr be the same.

~ the end ~

happily everafter..

love fills the moment n the moment begins eternity..

it was least xpected of guohua to get married within such short notice. he's oways so busy makin $$. 1day he jus called me up n said, "er jie, im gettin married!!" n thr, him n his lovely wife. all of us below r so happy for him.


weddin dinner oways start late de, so thr we go again. takin pics time! tis 2 men was wif me thru out my hardest time. meow meow n adrian!! my fav boys!


my dearest dearest meow n me.


nor.. adrian n me. says my fone sucks. so we took most pics wif his w810i. oso so so nia ma. zz


i like her hair the best! it's been awhile but the curls still look good.. sexy!


check out steven's red lobster face. dinner oso haben start n he oready started drinkin like mad.


lolx, drunk by the 7th dish. not bad la, at least he was drunk sittin straight.


take pic wif me so borin meh.. lolx faintz


isn't she cute? haha.. my fav gal wif jason, her fav man.


eug, me, meow and adrian.. O2 atom lagi worse. 3mega pixel meh? laoya!!

~ 对的时间，遇见对的人，是一生幸福。~