shimmerin pieces it broke into

my heart was once so beautiful

i was dat angel of urs

now stripped of her wings.

u n me, dat dream is finally done.

he left a msg in my mailbox tellin how much he missed me n blah blah blah.. i wasn't moved. how dare he try to even tell me stuffs i dun longed for anymore. i forgave him, for dat little inspiration on my 3rd poem. hehz
aiyo, suddenly a soulful calmness fills the air. maybe its the weather. kinda warm. i can't access my lonely journey of aimless mind wanderin tis way. no more addictive tots of sadness. how not interestin. ha! hao ba, 2nite i let my emotions slp.

nitetime is the oways the loneliest time. every1 u love has gone to bed for a better tml. im still waitin for my dreammate come find me. im so tired. i wan to slp. grrr... i jus can't as usual. to be able to lie on the bed n doze off immediately is a luxury ive long forgotten.. pple say count sheeps helps. 2nite, i will count the stars! ha...

din rain 2nite, at least not now. 1,2,3,4....7,10 hmmm, too little to hypnotise me.

twinkle n twinkles, they look so pretty like glisterin crystals painted over the dark canvas we call nite. yet, thr's oways something depressin abt the stars for me. high high up thr stretchin across eternity. they mus be realli lonely too ba. every glances they stole upon us, every glows' like a word nvr said, stories dat would nvr be told.

although i still love starin at those stars, i noe our souls shall never meet.

a realli big ty to ling n von for likin my first ever haiku. ^^ im feelin alot better le compared to days b4. muacks gals.. especially to ling for brightenin up my work last nite. bz bz bz drinkin n chattin wif her, time pass alot faster n yesh cold wings taste better wif beer! haha so here's 1 for ling for last nite.

mugs n a broken jug.

crowd cheered.

she sang like an angel.

u always smile but in yr eyes yr sorrow shows..

yrs ago, alan said dat to me. i've long forgotten y he said dat.

today especially, i felt like im hearin it again but tis time in my heart.

gosh, im still chewin my teeth into any flesh i can grab hold of.. no1 was spared.

omg tis is bad. it hasn't go away yet.

i still can't slp. i need to rest. gotta work later in the nite. zzz

any pumkins wanna feed my fists? sighz! guess not.

today is 1 of those day i woke feelin unworthy of life. my mind has flown to places i dun even noe names. so sianz.. ahh, it will pass, it oways does. yet while waitin for 'its finally gone' is too long, too tormentin. im makin pple ard me sick too ):

filled wif tears frm my eyes

yr heart shatters

beneath dat fadin smile,

all lies

i dun feel well today. had fever last nite. woke in the evenin when adrian suggested mahjong. i even forgot to reply to ling's sms. stay hm got pple pei, mahjong is a good idea. ^^

adrian n meow playin gb in my pc room while waitin for yvon. i got nothin to do. so i decided to let jelloe out for a little walk wif me jus outside our corridor. he follow while i walk front. he stop if i stop. how nice.. he din anyhow run. i was thinkin tis could be a good start for my baby.. we could do tis more often if he behave himself. come to think of it, i was kinda darin to even try. lolx

aft mahjong, every1 ready to head home. as usual they leave he bid em goodbye standin at the door. he nvr did try to sneak out.. but tis time, he rush out at the first chance he had when i opened the gate!!! eh, i din panic like i normalli would. i din chase like the boys did. maybe we did tis earlier n he was good. i had tis belief dat he was juz tryin to visit my neighbour's who kept a dog too. it was aft 15 secs i realised my dog is not comin back n adrian/meow was gone chasin aft him. no more sound. all silent. i ran out. i was almost in tears when all i saw was yvon tryin to locate the boys too.

omg.. my jelloe!!! he's a fast runner. they r not gonna find him. my jelloe will be missin.. he will not be able to find his way home even if he wans to.. im losin my baby for gd. how is he gonna take care of himself out thr in the 'wild'.. zzzz im faintin.. i feel nausea, the walls seems to be cavin in on me. i think im realli faintin.

juz as i was losin faith, my hero En Ren adrian appeared wif my baby in his arms. he told me jelloe was chasin aft a cat who was outside my hse.. actualli he did lose sight of him. not knowin which direction he went. he went on blind mice chase. he got lucky, nono is i got damn lucky he saw jelloe. aft some marathon, he finally caught hold of the notti cat chaser. i was thankful, god i was realli thankful. no enuff of thanks could xpress my gratitude. so tml im buyin him dinner. lolx

once in chalet n now tis. i dun think i could endure the tots of losin my most beloved anymore. no more no-leash walk ard for him n me. no more presumptions dat he's not dashin out like today.
safe enuff? haha, duuno wor. juz pray i got lucky everytime things go crazy. pray hard jac, pray realli hard.

5:14 am. can't slp again. a worried friend called me. seekin advices to help her grievin sis to feel better, stop her frm tearin n maybe even recover frm the loss of her love, a man who left her. she is hurt so bad that she stop eating, sleeping, hanging out with friends.. she's onli 21.

ah, i was emotionless, maybe i dunno her personally, maybe cuz tis is happenin to every1 at least once. i told him to let her be. suggest bring her for sad movies, radio her sad songs, read a sad novel. let her mourn. let her feel sad. let her haf a good cry, wash out her heart. he said cryin is bad. he dun see the sacredness in tears. every tears is gd for the soul. a powerful weapon to recover frm heartaches. if 1 fall to the deepest pit, 1 will learn how to brace 1self n find a way up again de. when she cry no more tears. she will stop.

he said i'm cold-blooded. :( grr.. to grieve love gone wrong is hurtful. we all noe dat dun we? the journey is a long walk frm happiness but if she dun do the necessary mournin, the pain will go away meh? it wun. it will jus go hide elsewhr, somewhr deep. 1day, it will come back n haunt her, torture her.

bfore he hung up. i told him she will be arite de. nothin dun heal thru time, nothin. someday she will be ok. there might be a stain on her heart but the pain will be gone. she will look back n laff at her sorrow today.

easier said den done he said. hmm, wat else can i say? lolx.

hao lei. time for tryin to slp..

It is such a secret place, the land of tears. -- Antoine de Saint --

"Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, flittering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly...suddenly I awoke... Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man."

-- Chuang-tzu (Chinese philosopher)

"I am not quite sure whether I am dreaming or remembering, whether I have lived my life or dreamed it. Just as dreams do, memory makes me profoundly aware of the unreality, the evanescence of the world, a fleeting image in the moving water."

-- Eugène Ionesco (French dramatist)

pple oways say may dreams come true. i sure hope mine doesn't loh.

i was in ntuc wif ling when tis realli huge dinosaur attacked us, forcin us to 1 corner in a freezin store room tryin our fukin best to stay alive. finalli havin us for his yummy lunch. zzz how interestin to see yrself being eaten up raw..

tis is bad enuff, to think kelvin dreamt of roaches takin over the world. lolx yucks!

i took a long ride up space wif erm.. some1 i dun rem who. same like wat u wld see in movies. so empty so soulless.. so pathetic. close yr eyes nw, share wif me the tots of being so alone. no1 ard to feel yr joy yr bitterness. eerie..

to wake in tears is oways so depressin. so many funerals of love1s. they say is good for em if u dreamt of their deaths. keepin my fingers x! if it's not appealin to myself, why not wish for the best of others rite. lolx

maybe someday i will get the true blessin of sweetdreams.. maybe ba.