blessed

it was just the other day when i spent my birthday with four of the most amazing girls ive ever known. they have been around since i cant remember when, but then again, time stands still when im with them. girls that drives me crazy most of the time… girls who will drop everything and tack hours onto a birthday surprise, to see me, to assure me that im not alone.

i knew they love me unconditionally, which seems to be all i need. thats why ive been blessed to spend my birthday with them so many times, and today i can honestly say im a happier girl because of them.

we are such crazy bunch, i know. not even the mess the noob waitress did could take away our happy mood. we sat there, five friends of many years, sipped our horrible teas and tasteless ice chocolates, talked about life and love and silly moments, until it was time to go.

looking down, i knew i have had the most amazing memories with these girls and i hope that i will continue to keep on forming memories. when i find myself fading and giving up, i be able to close my eyes and realize they are my healing energy.

so hey you ladies, thank you for understanding the give and take of our friendship and knowing, somehow instinctively, when i had nothing left to give. thank you for encouraging me to do what is good for me and for helping me to see that it is not selfish to take all the time in the world to heal, or to cry during super vulnerable times. thank you for unhesitatingly enduring my silly mafan-ness at all times. and thank you so very much for every moment we have spent together.. i love you all!

our shadows

be still and listen, my angel.

phoenix rises from the ashes,

blistered wings searching for frail lovers.

soon we will see whispering shadows,

squashed to the ground.

over and over..

fallen, you are never alone.

august babies

older and older..
arghhh i need to find myself, i need to find myself, i need to find myself.. before i forget.

suffocating

tell me paradoxi.

when will it be a good time for me.

to breathe..

lotta leaves home

在她的博客，见到一段刻骨铭心的回忆，都不知是要帮她将它破碎，还是陪着她延续这份收藏。
虽然现实终归是现实，我却和她一样，只是一厢情愿地生活在自己的梦里。有些游戏早已结束，可我们却沉浸在梦里迟迟未醒。不想放弃，可却好像真的别无选择。原来，独自悲伤也可以有人陪。。

什么都看不见

i didnt tell her those things.
i didnt want to acknowledge them myself.
how do you let yourself know that you were given the chance and you froze?
how do you make yourself wait for the next perfect moment?
how do you even keep the hope that another moment will come?
so, i just told her lets believe in fate and left it at that.

也许开始就是个错误。