soul & ashes

close your eyes and dream with me in this unexpected rainy season, that may be the closest you ever get. this kind of rain, i do not mind. as only when the rain stop, the cage will be gone with enchantment left to know how intentionally broken we are at times before we allow ourselves to forget ourselves. so now, we live happily ever after...

stay with me
broken pieces jumbled
together in search for chaotic bliss

paint with me
pictures of past lovers
let our beautiful souls fly free

dance with me
into the shadow of mortality
forgetting together our sanity

kill with me
steal my breath counting rainbows
in ecstasy among the living dead

thanks for remembering my birthday. if angels forget you, did you really exist? what if years later, you buys a mirror and tries to nurse your battered soul and loving yourself more only to discover that you doesnt exist?

愁更愁

she missed talking to him. she wants to talk to him, but she dont have the slightest idea what they would have to say. she knows she could stop if she wanted to. drunken nights, her perfect excuse for missing him, is nothing unfamiliar with for her. she used to do it on purpose. she drank until it was empty, she drank until she was empty. sighz. maybe self destruction is so much more appealing then simply being destroyed.

有时候，醉与不醉，只有自己知道。

soul speaks

Tear it down,
Your fake honesty
Take it away,
Your idle hypocrisy

Stop it now,
Your pretty lies
Shatter it all,
Your empty promises

Let me be,
A disappointed slumber
Let me be,
My imperfect dreams

by l’ange sans ailes

unable to look away, unable to speak. silently, i read his latest work, again and again..

it was what he wrote. where i was staring from here. something far away from here that he understood. a great notion. then, it was gone. i drifted. he drifted. we drifted.. nothing we say or write will make disappointment go away. we just need to realise that before it break our souls apart unknowingly.

s.w.o.o.s.h.i.n.g expectations

its been raining for many days, on and off, outside and inside. everything before and after my birthday is saturated and heavy. i dont really feel at home with myself these days. sort of like im not really me. everything i knew had carried me this far. the truth drifting in and out, and in and out like whispers i must pretend i do not hear. so lonely this way. im not complaining. im just stating. i seem to expect people to disappoint me. its my natural tendency. disappointment is what i was prepared for. it truly is an affliction. one that i can never cure. or rather im not even remotely sure i would want to cure.

realising, it doesnt really matter, does it?

卸下了

my birthday came and went in disappointment. wishes dont work. boo..

i am such a foolish girl sometimes.
i think, in my foolish head, that if i think really hard i could send out telepathic miracles to make everything alright again. silly silly me.. you know what? i am not even going to bother anymore.
no more cryptic messages, no more signals, no more telling how i truly feels. sighz..

whatever.

要命的感觉

i am so…

in pain.
in doubt.

and extremely

exhausted.

简单爱

even now, though he is silent, accompanying beside while i blog, i hear his breathing. it has settled in my heart somewhere. i can listen to it in moments like these. he can stay near me this way for hours, his cutest face when i tickle him a little. where else can i find this blessing of pure love, without any apologies..

原来，爱真的可以很简单。

mere sex fools

how do you make love to a toy.
or rather how do you fuck a toy.
one wrong distracting shot.
that is all it fucking takes.
to drain the life out of that toy.
it does not matter maybe.
after all, that toy will only be, just a toy.

又能怎样？

体无完肤

my left thumb has a torn ligament from hitting "space" too hard and too often. my heart has a unbearable void from missing "you" too much and too often. im in so much pain. and non of which you can ease.

nothing in between

爱得真，爱得纯，爱得深。
不会有欺骗，不会有伤害。