its been raining for many days, on and off, outside and inside. everything before and after my birthday is saturated and heavy. i dont really feel at home with myself these days. sort of like im not really me. everything i knew had carried me this far. the truth drifting in and out, and in and out like whispers i must pretend i do not hear. so lonely this way. im not complaining. im just stating. i seem to expect people to disappoint me. its my natural tendency. disappointment is what i was prepared for. it truly is an affliction. one that i can never cure. or rather im not even remotely sure i would want to cure.
realising, it doesnt really matter, does it?
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