how will u die?
took a test n tis is my result:
You will kill yourself, suicide, pills, jumping, or a gun.
when i was a child, oways sickly, my mum took me for a readin. dat fortune teller told her my previous life i was a socialite whom fell too hard in love n hung myself over an unworthy man n i din rid my karma wif my death.. wif dat curse, i will still murder myself tis life. my mum got very worried, thus i oways haf wat i wan frm her.
to enter death created by yr own hands has oways been appealin to me when i was in my teens. i used to stare down frm high rises n tot jumpin was cool.. wonderin aft my body hit the ground, will i still be able to hear at least for a moment the sound of my blood gushin frm any openins broken. dat would be the pleasure to end all pleasures.. perhaps wif beliefs dat the teller might be rite n it was my destiny + wifout fear frm dyin, bravery for stupid dangerous acts became norm routines. thinkin back, i think i owe my mum millions apologies for makin her helplessly worried sick.
older, my perceptions on suicide sorta took a turn. i began to think its rather dumb to die for a man, any man. eh actualli shld be, its stupid to kill 1self regardless of the many xcuses. to choose death over livin is nvr solutions, is an escape. onli weaklins do dat. wif undyin faith, i swore nothin n no1 can rekindle dat suicidal flame in me ever within my sane mind.
again, dat was so then..
today, i knew emptiness has somehow build a home in my heart. dwellin deep within, i slowly began to connect wif those who lived n died for wat they believed in: to taste tranquility in an instant flash. now, i reckon if 1 hafta choose death, thr mus be enuff sadness n unworthiness on livin n if dyin was the onli way out to rid dat sufferin, its more den alrite oready.
wateva possibilities i might actualli consider voluntery death tots pangs my mind. i constantly remind myself to take a moment to ponder b4 i crack. i hope 1 day i shall see all dat loves my soul is incapable of knowin, b4 dat wrong courage spreads its wings on me first..
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