whr oh whr haf u been?

All the lonely people, where do they all come from...
All the lonely people, where do they all come from?
All the lonely people, where do they all belong?
~ Eleanor Rigby, The Beatles

sick n drowsy, haiz unbearable pain, useless medication n a battled body. yet, i amused myself much this noon when, aft a good few hrs of sleep, my mind rejuvenated enuff to tink clearly once again. it was den dat i realized dat tis stress and sadness i been feelin lately was largely due to my confused state of mind, hidden huge ego of a fairly small built gal.

the sense of not being lost which i work so hard at maintainin was being trampled upon by my fantasies, of havin a total brand new life wif the some1 whom i knew is impossible. there is oways tis imaginary crack i presented bfore myself, imagine escapin thru it n onto life anew.
how is dat possible, a qns i constantly questioned myself.

seriously, i is haf no legitimate complaints. i haf all i need. indeed, much more den suffices. so, any thots out of me is merely a matter of a momentary loss of affection for present, lettin all funny sickenin wild thots lead to me to forget all i haf n wantin of more.
yet, i haf an issue, perhaps the same many of us drifters haf.. i am often bored.

the weird ting is, i simply love to be alone and prefer not to feign interest unnecessarily but i get bored eventualli. i love to hang out wif pals.. try out new stuffs n hobbies n likewise i get bored soon enuff.. i wonder if tinkin too much got to do wif it. mayb, jus mayb i shld haf my eyes closed try not to ponder or wander or pursue anyting pensively watsoever. try not to be clever or witty or "wise", stop tryin to analyze wats on every1s mind, contemplate my every next move to ensure me not losin hope..

to the you who's tryin hard to understand me when i barely noes myself. you vie in vain my dear, n you will only be driven insane, shld you keep tryin..